Husband wants me to work full-time

[Lovelifesmile]

My husband and I have two children (aged 4 and 2). I currently work the equivalent of 3 days a week doing shift work and my husband works full-time at 5 days per week. I would like to work the equivalent of 4 days per week when my youngest child goes to school. My husband wants me to go full-time. My husbands income is £2700 per month. My income part-time 3 days per week is £2200 and if I worked 4 days per week I would earn £2900. We are comfortable financially as we are currently, and would be very comfortable with me going 4 days per week. I want to use the 'day off' per week to do the food shop, house cleaning, washing, gardening maintenance and food prep. My values are that I want to earn enough money to be comfortable, but also have time to do the housework, appointments, school admin and help with homework to free up our weekends to go out and not to household chores on the weekend. It appears my husband values money the most. If I was full time I would take home £3400 per month so it's a difference of £500 per month. I am more than happy for him to also drop to 4 days per week to spend more time with the children if he wants to, but he doesn't wish to do this.

Personally, I'd stick to 3 days! If he wants to go rock climbing and do iron man, then he needs to find a better paying job or find cheaper hobbies. Raising children and managing the household IS a full time job already. What a selfish man.

Your husband wants you to fund his lifestyle. I’d be going full time, make him do more housework and admin and put any extra into savings.
i cant even believe I’m reading this. Assert yourself.

If i had my time over, I would never have done full time 5 days.
4 days is the equivalent of 52 extra days leave a year.

Maybe I'm putting too much of myself into this post. I'm 13 years into this parenting business. I've always worked full-time. That was great in a way. I got promoted twice. I want a good retirement etc.

However, all these years in, I'm still knackered and overwhelmed. I hate having to juggle everything on top of both parents working full-time. In my experience, it's such a slog and a bit shit (DH genuinely does an equal amount of graft too).

Your proposal sounds excellent.

@Lovelifesmile, why does he get to ordain that the money you earn is spent on his enjoyment?

If he wanted to work part time and that meant you had to work full time then it’s a discussion

I’m perhaps leave him at home for a week with the kids as practise for when you share the load ( spelling edit )

My DH used to do Ironman competitions when I had small DC. I was a SAHM at the time.

Just out of interest, who is going to mind the DC when he is doing a 6-hour training bike ride, the run training and the swim training?

Tell him to f* ck off.

If you do agree to work full time I would be absolutely prescriptive about your allocation of chores/free time at the weekends. Do not end up having your weekends ruined with jobs while he’s off enjoying hobbies.

Plus who is paying for the bike? I’m sure my DH’s Triathlon/ Ironman bike cost 8-10k.

Also they don’t really like to do Ironmans here as it’s cold and the swims are grim. You’ll be going to Ironman Abu Dhabi and Malaysia and paying £££££ to stand there and clap as he limps home.

Life is too short and your children are only young once. These years are so precious but also incredibly chaotic and stressful. I think you are being so sensible wanting an extra day to catch up on life admin, freeing up your weekends to actually be present with your children.

I’m surprised your husband doesn’t see that, as it would mutually benefit him - not only would the house run smoother but he’d have a calmer and happier wife, and therefore happier children. I’d take that over an extra £500 for the time being. What’s the point in chasing money if it just ends up causing you all so much stress?

Running the home is a job and unless he takes it on you will be working 5 days plus running the home plus seeing your kids in the two days left, it simply is does not add up.

Personally I would stick at 3, your kids are only young once. Your combined income at the moment is plenty. The more hours you work the more childcare you have to pay for.

Don't give in to this. You can put in more than your fare share financially with just doing the 4 days, then there is no need to sell even more of your life. Sounds like a great plan having the 5th day to get all the household chores done then you get the other 2 days to enjoy, as I bet he does working the 5

Write down every single task you do running the house and looking after the family. Every. Single. One.

Then work out how many hours in the day you spend doing them.

Then how many more hours you would be out at work if he got what he wants.

Then exactly how you and he would be equally splitting the tasks that you won't be able to do once those hours were being spent in an office.

Also I see all this extra money is already earmarked for his hobbies. Say no.

And work out what hobbies YOU would like to be doing that half that extra income could go on.

Sorry, just a pedantic looks at your figures; you appear to earn just over £700 each day for three days, £700 for a fourth day and only £500 for a fifth?

Maybe Friday is an earlier finish. I worked somewhere we finished at 4 on Friday.

How hands on is he with the house/kids/admin stuff? What does he propose you do with all that if you're both working full time?

Just tell him no 🤷‍♀️

Your suggestion is more than reasonable, he sounds selfish and entitled tbh.

Seems to me he just wants you to work more so he can afford to enter ironmans. Which also means he wants to spend 20hours a week training, not doing housework or childcare.
I'd be telling him where to shove it.

So really, you going full time is to facilitate his desires to go on expensive iron man stuff? If he really wants to do that, then it’s up to him to save for it, not expect you to put in extra hours at work at the expense of family time/ household stuff. It beggars belief really that his sole desire for you to go full time is so that you can fund his hobbies. Sorry, but he needs to give his head a shake and prioritise- he has a family now. Also, he needs to do his share of the household stuff - a marriage is meant to be a partnership, not for one to carry on as if they were still single, and the other to do all the chores.

Hang on a minute. He wants you to go full time so he can spend more time away from you and the kids whilst you are left with the lions share of the work? Just no. His activities are not just costly but it is big chunks of time away from the home. So he's out at the w/e in possibly another city on his iron man comps whilst you spend the w/e looking after the kids and trying to cram a whole weeks work of domestics in? You need to set down some boundaries here. More time with the kids in a less stressful environment would benefit everyone. A lavish holiday for say 2 weeks of the year is no compensation for the 50 others you will spend being exhausted, frustrated and potentially resentful.

So.... he wants you to sacrifice your own happiness and balance of work and family life to earn more money for HIM to go on rock climbing adventures and train/compete/travel for vanityprojects IM events, things only he would do presumably alone or at least not involving the family.

I think if he wants to do those things he needs to.earn the money for it himself.

You never get the time back with your kids, I was sacked from a job and took my kids out of nursery because I wasn’t earning. Back then salary was £1500 pcm and nursery was £1200 pcm - made me realise I was working for £300 pcm. My wife stayed full time and I went back to work when DC#1 went into funded childcare - had about 8 months as a full time dad and it was fantastic.

please be sure that YOU want to work four days a week in future. It sounds like you might be shouldering most of the domestic and childcare load at present. You absolutely shouldn’t work five days a week, not the least due to your DH’s bad attitude. Be firm X

I think in this situation, as your 4 day income will exceed his anyway, if he wants the finances for a more lavish life style, he needs to make changes in his own career. You are paying your fair share at 4 days.