Husband wants me to work full-time

[Lovelifesmile]

My husband and I have two children (aged 4 and 2). I currently work the equivalent of 3 days a week doing shift work and my husband works full-time at 5 days per week. I would like to work the equivalent of 4 days per week when my youngest child goes to school. My husband wants me to go full-time. My husbands income is £2700 per month. My income part-time 3 days per week is £2200 and if I worked 4 days per week I would earn £2900. We are comfortable financially as we are currently, and would be very comfortable with me going 4 days per week. I want to use the 'day off' per week to do the food shop, house cleaning, washing, gardening maintenance and food prep. My values are that I want to earn enough money to be comfortable, but also have time to do the housework, appointments, school admin and help with homework to free up our weekends to go out and not to household chores on the weekend. It appears my husband values money the most. If I was full time I would take home £3400 per month so it's a difference of £500 per month. I am more than happy for him to also drop to 4 days per week to spend more time with the children if he wants to, but he doesn't wish to do this.

I think your husband sounds lazy. He wants you to be the breadwinner whilst doing all the household chores. He sounds like almost like a cock lodger.

Do what you want and what works for you to live a good quality of life.

he could always upskill and get a job that pays more

He’s a cheeky fucker, tell him to jog on.

He wants you to work full time to spend the extra money on a hobby for HIM, that will take him weekends away constantly and lots of training? Not a chance. Everything will fall to you. He won’t have the annual leave for multiple holidays as he’ll be using it for his competitions.

and he would like to go rock climbing and participate in sport events such as Iron Man which are not cheap activities.

So he wants you to work more to pay for his hobbies? That will take him away from the home for significant periods of time? He can fuck off.

Definitely stick with 4 days when youngest gets to school. I do the same and honestly you need that 1 day to keep on top of things like house admin, shopping for birthdays and Christmas etc., cleaning, decluttering, decorating, food shopping, appointments for dentist etc. hairdressers and basically all the things that are hard to do with primary school children around.

I love having my 1 day off work to get things sorted for the week.

You may be able to go full time when the kids are secondary school age.

Does he realise that if you both work full time, the chores you mention doing on your day off will need to be done at the weekend instead and he will need to do his fair share?

If the answer is Yes and he is fully prepared to pull his weight around the house and with the kids, then I think both working full time is the fairest solution. It's fairer for you too as it means that your career prospects won't be affected by being part time.

I don't think one person can work fewer hours unless both partners agree. If he wanted to work fewer hours than you, everyone on the thread would be calling him lazy!

But to reiterate, in that case he needs to be doing 50% of the household chores and childcare.

Go full time, but have your salary paid into your own bank account so he doesn't get to spunk the money on his vanity projects.

If you have no debt except a mortgage, and there are no pressing worries such as both cars on their last legs, then four days is enough. You will out earn him and are entitled to your weekends.

If he wants expensive holidays and hobbies, he can switch job to increase his own earnings, or find a second job.

His personal hobbies should come from his own salary. And if the desire for Ironman comps haven’t inspired him to earn more why should you do it for him?

So he wants you to earn more money to support his hobbies and desires? Fuck that.

Sounds like he needs a higher salary.

If he wants to indulge in hobbies then he can go and earn more money. Not send you out

You still earn more than him part time, therefore, this is a him problem. We are in the same situation but my partner understands the benefits me working part time brings him.

I’d work out how much nursery, wrap around care and holiday cover would cost and put this against the extra £500 a month you’d be making by going full time.

id also then do a rotation as to who does what with the dc, appointments, life admin and housework. Make it 50/50 so he realises how much extra work he’d do if you went full time

If your DH wants to go rock climbing and take part in sporting activities he needs to find a higher paid job and pay for these himself. If he works five days a week he’ll have to do these activities at the weekend, which leaves you at home all weekend with the DC by yourself. I wouldn’t be working five days then spending the weekend on my own with two kids while DH spends my hard earned money on himself. When would you get to do hobbies/have child free time? When would you get to spend time together as a family? I’d be keeping things as they are now, there is more to life than money.

DH's priorities : Self first, self last, and self in the middle.
It's a no from me.

Your husband is crazy!
Kids in school are harder to manage timewise than kids in nursery. And costs can be similar.
We have breakfast and afterschool clubs to pay for (obviously not on days you aren't working, or his WFH days). And then they start doing clubs and sports which you have to get them to.
School was also pretty keen on sending mine home with illness in the first few terms.
Then you will either have to split the chores (maybe do them on a Sat, which will eat into his rock climbing and ironmongery training time!!! And/Or pay for gardener and cleaner.
Good luck! It sounds like he doesn't know how much work is involved in running a house with small kids. If you go back to work full time then this should be split evenly too!

OP makes more money than him. She can work 4 days and bring more money in than him.
He wants her to work more for a lifestyle he wants. She’s happy with the one they have.
This he aspires to includes personal hobbies. So it’s “fair” that she should work more for a lifestyle she doesn’t even want and to fund his hobbies.
No it isn’t.

Her kids are 2 & 4, the priority now is being with them. Not her husband wanting more holidays and her to fund his hobbies.

If your H wants a higher household income he needs to get a higher paying job. Wanting you to work more to pay for his hobbies and expensive holidays is unbelievably selfish imo!

I hope he contributes fairly to all household chores? If not why are you with this (not so) great catch?

The one possibility is spending this one day on household cleaning and errands it is really not a day off. And then it may be that your husband OP, will default to you to be responsible for all of this all week! Will leave laundry piled up, no cooking, not mowing the lawn and house a mess. Having a day ‘off’ can be more stressful than working.

I used to be part time three days a week and found I was happiest back at five days (for many reasons and too long to get into now). Every mum has different goalposts though and I would not argue one is better than the other. It is not an easy question to answer and most importantly, of course, it is best when your spouse is on board. Good luck!

If you were working 4 days I assume you would be doing to majority of the chores you described? Many hands do make light work. How does he envisage the same things will get done if you are also full time. Is he willing to do more than his share? For example I don’t have the capacity to work full time and do all the life admin and chores to the standard I want. Ig my DH wants this from me he will need to do more of the chores and life admin

It feels like he wants you to earn money so he can do things he wants to do (which will take him away from you guys and inhibit quality family time at weekends even more).

It would be a hard no from me. I have worked four days per week since I went back to work after DD. She starts school in Sept and I’m staying as I am. It’s one less day 13 x per year to have to find cover. It also means I can go do the food shop, take dogs to the vet, get my hair cut, do house jobs not ideal with a small person around etc (I need to caulk some windows and repaint them, not easy with someone jabbering in your ear!).

I can’t believe he thinks if you earn extra money he can spend it on iron man and rock climbing?! Go earn some extra yourself, mate..! That’s not a family benefiting activity is it.

Personally I would not just say ‘no’ but take him at his word.
I’d sit down with him and discuss a breakdown of tasks and who will do what household chore and children wise.
He would need to be doing minimum 50% but realistically if he has a lower paying job in order to give himself more flexibility/ a better work/life balance then it may be more than 50% to him to be fair.
Then discuss finances: so much for the bills, x% savings and the rest split ‘equally’ between you - no shared cost Ironman budget!
Contributions are either proportional to income (if he is picking up the slack at home) or 50/50 if he chooses to earn less for his own convenience but expects 50+% from you in the home.
It feels like now he is trying to achieve his best life at your expense. This may be due to ignorance on his part of what working more would mean. Spell it out that you will not be taken advantage of and then if he does promise all this extra effort in order for you to earn more cash as this is what he wants then make sure he does it

If you make less than what you stated I would vote go back full time. You are already very reasonable: focusing on your children and domestics AND earning your own money.

He should get a better paying job if he wants more money.