is she wrong

[prettyfly1]

ok - i am doing this for a friend who is in a bit of a muddle - and yes it really is for a friend.

She has been seeing a man for about 8 months who was married. seperated when they started seeing each other. he wont divorce his wife - alarm bells there. he wont tell her he is seeing her. alarm bells again but the situation is slightly complicated so she let it drop. he spends time with his wife as friends, which my friend has always been cool with as she feels it is best for their children if they get on. He went out with them on sunday night for his ex wifes sons birthday, told her he would be ignoring her for the night and then got drunk and spent the night with her. he was still incommunicado monday afternoon at which point she freaked. she has just had enough. He finally responded tuesday afternoon to tell her he slept in the boys room on sunday and ignored her on monday night as she was overreacting.

now if it were me i would have gone nuts. he has a history of cheating and has been caught lying to her a few times. what would you say.

prettyfly, well done raising your ds on your own, you should be very proud of it.

As for your ds's dad, ahem, any woman is much better off without that sort of man, unless she has masochistic tendencies and doesn't mind being walked on all over! Get rid, move on.

Easier said than done, but really, do it for your ds and for yourself. Then one day you might meet a great man who is man enough to treat you with respect.

morning. just to reassure the ladies kind enough to offer support yesterday when god knows i needed and a much needed reality check - today i have printed off his lovely post and put it on my bedroom wall (my son is three he cant read) every time i start to get a little rose tinted or want to turn back i will look at it and remind myself of exactly what i wasnt . i am taking my son to southend for a lovely happy family day out now so i hope you all have a lovely weekend with your kids and partners. especially you mac!

Good to hear you being so positive.

I was in a similar position to you, not so long ago.

Having one great parent is better than two miserable ones IMHO. Enjoy your son and what you have.

ummm. feeling a bit shit now. couldnt get to southend and decided to update my online dating profile - nothing like some emails telling you your fit to cheer you up and guess who was on there and has been for a while. wow that hit. nice.

Pah! I'd steer clear of men for a while if I were you!

mmmmmmmmmmmm. i have had to empty my inbox about six times today and all i keep thinking is "i wonder how many of them are married" honestly they are all at it. yuck yuck yuck. i did say i would go for dinner with one tomorrow night but i think i may cancel. i cant stand the idea of being that way with another man at this point in time and i would rather spend a lovely evening cooking for my fanastic and very forgiving friends, consuming lots of wine and generally enjoying life again. to be fair to him he has said he thinks of it as fun but i do have to ask myself how fun he would have found it had he found out i was on there well before we split chatting god knows what with a herd of other men. i always thought i would be cool about that sort of thing but it all just makes me feel a bit seedy and a little bit grimy to be honest. how much sex talk does one man need?

PF please don't take this the wrong way (but after our chat last night I think I can say it )....you do come across much younger than you are (almost like school kids playing games??)...
Why bother chatting with other men (about sex )....why care what he thinks (and sorry he is a wanker)...but you both seem on a self destruct mode!
Why don't you back off, spend time alone/with your DS/your friends...and mature/be confident in yourself...and then when you least expect it you will find what you want .........otherwise I fear you will end up hurt again/sucked back into his games/hurting some other poor W.....
You still sound so sad and dependant (part of me hopes that my H OW feels so despondant and part of me hates the idea that so many lives can be destroyed)....time is what we all need....I honestly wish you and your DS the very best of luck for the future and that you can extricate yourself from an obsession with a manipulative sad man

ooooh - mac ouch. but to be fair you and i talk very honestly and i appreciate it. I joined the sites yesterday because i wanted a bit of attention. I was very surprised to search through to see what was lurking and find him. i dont see whats wrong with that and no not to talk about sex. I have only been with one man in four years and only with him for eight months. I am actually very very independant. i stayed single for the previous four years by choice. like i said yesterday seriously i know its over and actually you might be a little bit surprised to hear this but i printed off his post from yesterday and stuck it on my wall so i would never forget or start the rose tinted thing. we do have a son together so i need to balance my need to move on with my sons need to stay in his life and we have agreed that he will tell him he is working away for a few weeks so i can have some time. but quit with the whole obsessive thing. should i hav woken up this morning. yawned prettily and said - ahhh another day time to not talk to any men and do whatever. I like men and i like company and i like to have alaugh and i dont see whats wrong with that. it was sheer bloody coincidence and not a fun one that found that - come on maccy - wouldnt you have felt at least a little bad. And just so you know i have always held the rule that any man who came into my life would have to be with me alone for at least a year before going any where near my son. you are being a little harsh mac and i hear overtones of over identification with your situation and what you think of the ow in your life again. not really too fair lovely. dont be annoyed but if we are being honest i didnt sleep with your husband. I did a horrible thing but i am not the enemy so surely i am allowed to feel a bit shitty about it for a few days, maybe - possibly?

and on the maturity thing again - how does wanting to go out for dinner with a few different guys, maybe even the cinema and if i am feelng really really wild a night on the town involve self destructive games and being sucked into his world. eh? or being immature. not childish about not wanting to sit in night after night bored in front of the telly and yes i have friends - very lovely forgiving friends whom i will be having a fantastic meal with tomorrow night but its not the same and you know it.

ps i hope you have had a great day with your girls mac - my son and i have had a fab time in the garden playing on his bouncy castle and generally being daft. its the immature side of me

and mac i can promise you this. whatever you think of me i will never never never go near another womans husband ever ever ever again. i learned the hardest way imaginable that that way madness lies and i dont feel the need for pretend love so much that i would allow myself to be fooled into thinking that again. but i dont see whats wrong with the butterfly feeling and fun that comes with dating. i am actually not really ready for it and was more interested in some attention for myself .

and also just before i go out. on his profile (yes i looked at it - wouldnt you?) he lied about not only having a job (been unemployed for 6 months) his education - never got passed school but apparently now he has a degree and worst of all he said he only has one child. if i feel anything right now its bloody annoyance that he is hiding my beautiful son and pity for the poor cows who fall for the lies in the future. is that strong enough???

Yup he sounds like a real piece of work !
To be fair to my wanker H, I believe he is trying to have a relationship with OW daughter (and no matter how much that hurts I truly believe it is the right thing)...
Hmmm a date - yikes far to scary for me I am afraid .....and I would be worried H would kill him

wanker - sorry apw wouldnt bloody dare. its a bit too scary for me as well to be honest - what would i wear??? what in gods name would i talk about?? helllllll noooooooooo. i think some wicked time with my family and friends is far more the order of the day.

and seriously - i actually am bridget jones - only my cd of choice is now duffy, what a bloody brilliant album. i was supposed to be taking ex wanker to v festival in august - selling his ticket and going with my mates now and she will be there. so looking forward to that.

popping back and forth to next door neighbours at the moment but mac if you want to kick in with a lecture now would be a good time. I feel so angry. its come out of nowhere. not at him although kinda. more at myself. eight months ago i had it all. amazing child great life fab friends totally stable and noone male or female got the better of me. then this wreck of a man turns up on my doorstep who to be honest at first i just felt sorry for. he was the father of my son and destroyed which was my fault and i cared so i thought right i will put him back together (fucking why - which part of the three years of already having to do that for my own life earned him that - i had done my time and it was his turn) and within eight months i was on my damned knees. for a man who has lied to me, humiliated me in front of my own friends, left me to deal with the fall out of an mc alone, has called me names i wont repeat on here, pretended his own child doesnt exist and repeatedly called him second best thinks its perfectly acceptable to do what he wants when he wants, is on fucking internet dating sites behind my back and thinks its fun and tells the whole world his mess of a life is my fault. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS I DAMNED WELL THINKING. WHY THE HELL DID I DO IT TO MYSELF. I dont want to be some freaking victim of a bloke who never saw me as more then a frigging easy lay and i let him do it. i am victim of myself and i let my son down - who bloody well deserves me to see him counted - to do it. i dont want him learning that thats how women are treated. every now and then one of the nice memories pops into my head and a voiceover kicks in with AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH IT WAS ALL BLOODY LIES. A week ago he was dropping hints about eventually getting married WHY. WHY DID I BLOODY FALL FOR IT AGAIN. AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. I tell you what for all the women on here who told me to get a life hell fucking yes you were right. I HAD IT ALLL. and actually i still do but i really need to pick myself up and get on cause i will never shed another tear for that man. Every time i think of the i love yous and watching me sleep or being with him - I WANT TO GO BACK SLAP MYSELF AND SAY WISE THE FECK UP YOU SILLY COW. honestly so mad at myself right now. what a bloody idiot i have been. please excuse the bad language. i am a little cross right now. at myself.

phew! Let it all out.

You are going through the process. Anger, grieving, its all part of it.

You haven't lost anything. You just need to reclaim your independence and strength.

Work through it and move on. You are already on your way

mm, thanks foxy - i so want to just scream right now. i cant believe i allowed someone to use me like that. i wasnt special. he didnt spend years thinking of me. i was a crutch and i allowed it. I WANT MY FECKING LIFE BACK.

you sure as hell won't do it again!

Like you said, you had/have it all. You have to focus on it and bring it back into view.

You are doing OK, I think.

RIGHT. i just went and found everything in the house that reminded me of him. every picture, a menu from valentines night, the stuff i only put back in the bathroom for him last week some stupid heart cushion which doesnt go with anything anyway, tickets from the cinema, his dressing gown, everything and i have put it all in one sodding black liner - one - and it can go out with the rest of the damned trash on monday. i have made sure i have plans every evening for the next week and my son and i are going to have a lovely day tomorrow and i BLOODY WELL will force my damned sorry arse to MOVE THE HELL ON. I never want to be reminded of what a fool i was again. never ever ever.

i dont feel it now but yes i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. there is a song on the duffy cd - stepping stone - that pretty much sums it all up at the moment. WHY WHY WHY.

You go girl! Put that rubbish out NOW, or you'll be picking through the remenants of his trash.

See? You are well away

Don't be angry with yourself, be PROUD of yourself, you have learnt and dealt with it.

its outside and i tell you what I HOPE IT FECKING RAINS!!!!!!!Honest to god it used to really bother me about him meeting someone else. now i jsut wish to god there was a government health warning that you could slap on the back of some men.

Actually you know what . i think i might do that thing - you no where you write down all their bad points and what you will look for next time. Here is what i want in my next man and in a year or twos time when i am ready to start getting out there properly again can someone hold it up for me.

1. NO WEDDING RING.
2. A JOB
3. NO MENTAL ILLNESS
4. THE ABILITY TO TALK. THE TRUTH.

There you go thats it. thats my list. oh and a porsche, a mansion, the looks of david beckham and a bank balance with so many zeroes his statement is five pages long. and a secret addiction to slightly frumpy harrassed single mothers who work too many hours and are a bit feisty.