Have you ever been surprised when you met someone’s spouse/DP?

[littlemissworry97]

As in they didn’t look or act how you expected them to, or they completely weren’t the type you expected?

well objectively I’m not very attractive, and age, childbirth and sleep deprivation haven’t done me any favours. Meanwhile dh is fit, had got that silver fox vibe going, is outgoing, charismatic and is now significantly wealthier than when we met.

But if it helps, I do know why my dh is married to me - I’m his best friend. I’m kind, loyal, supportive. I have his back, appreciate him for who he is and I’m not afraid of his vulnerabilities. I’m intelligent, well read and have a wide range of interests. He seeks out my opinion and advice.

I’m also an excellent cook and we’re very compatible in the bedroom, so I guess that helps too. 😂

But what people probably see is a flat chested, plain woman with an overbite who is a bit socially awkward.

And like others. I’ve seen people do the double take. Occasionally I’ve had women do it and then flirt openly with him in front of me.

The thing is that unattractive women actually have an enormous advantage in the dating pool because shallow men don’t even see us, and nasty men don’t bother to hide their true nature for us.

You seem very fixated on this woman…….

This thread reads as though you have a crush on her husband.

It’s not just looks though is it?
It’s more knowing someone who is a great person, then finding out their oh has the personality of a wet blanket. Total opposites in likability.
I know a woman who is very artistic. She is kind and listens to people. Generous and generally sociable and good to be around. Her husband is awful. Completely awful. Says the most inappropriate things and kills a conversation dead. Tight bastard too.
You would never put them together.
To be fair she isn’t happy with him and I’m not surprised.
Before I met him, I imagined him to be arty and articulate. Attractive like she is and good to be around. A bit Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen. He is more like a ginger Alan Partridge.

Guy I work with is funny, chatty, always got a story to tell and very engaging. He’s not particularly good looking but is always pristine, smells great and has the ‘gift of the gab’ so to speak. Married since late teens, devoted to his DW, talks about her to us all the time. Fully expected her to be like a female version of him but I couldn’t have been more wrong! She was sneery, unfriendly and uninterested to the point where it was almost rude, and she spoke to him dreadfully in front of people. I felt embarrassed for him, especially when he speaks so fondly of her.

I sometimes find it funny how you have this picture of someone in your head (hair colour, etc) and you meet them and they're the complete opposite.

I am used to see people's look of surprise when they know my DH and meet me. I look young for my age (genetics) and my DH looks older for his age (also genetics).

Yes, that was my response to ANOTHER poster's comment! I never mentioned it in the first place.

Has this thread triggered you in some way? Because you seem more annoyed by it than any of the other posters.

Having small breasts and an overbite don't make you unattractive, however you see yourself.

Did he come across as having low self esteem and confidence issues?

I can see why you're surprised. How long have they been married?

He's most likely unaware of his own attractiveness. He's definitely ASD, but not the quiet avoids conversation type, the talks too much about anything because they don't get social cues type.

Exactly! I think it's the prior mental image that makes the real life meeting the person more surprising. If you have it in your head that someone's partner will be handsome/beautiful, or well turned out or whatever, and then the reality is far from that, we can't help but be surprised.

She was probably good looking / cute in her youth and in his mind he still sees her in that way, it’s like with your aging parents, you don’t notice them gradually getting old and wrinkly as they are still the same people in your eyes

I feel bad for him. Sometimes men do let women boss them around and walk all over them.

What did his DW look like? Not that that would excuse her character in anyway. But sometimes (often) men do go for looks initially.

She looked the same when she was younger, just without wrinkles...But I do get your point in general.

DHs first wife cheated on him with a colleague. When I first met him I was stunned. He looks like a potato. He's a very rich potato though 🤷🏻‍♀️

I certainly don't think I'm beautiful or anything above very average. There's a bit of an age gap between me and my DH already, so with him looking a bit older for his age and me looking a bit younger for my age, I think people get surprised because they expect me to look more on a par with my DH age-wise. I don't. :-)

Only insecure women are getting upset about this, it’s always a bit of a surprise when you see a handsome man with a less attractive wife partner, it’s much more socially acceptable to see it the opposite way around though

I don't think we objectively judge our own parents, we see them as beautiful because they're our parents which is nice.

I also don't think that one stranger's comment is an objective truth, either, but sometimes one perception of two people is more common than another, ie many people might all agree that say Keanu Reeves is handsome, less people think Simon Pegg is.

Ahaha. See if you'd called a woman a "potato" though, you'd be being slammed by a lot of the posters on this thread. People are only bothered by the comments on women's appearances, but not by the comments on men's.

My bro in law is absolutely gorgeous and has no idea of this, he's the most humble of chaps. My sister, like me, is average.

I have a friend who is very quiet, elegant and refined, her husband is this huge, bumbling, larger than life character, who organisers festivals and sports events and can't walk down a street without a hundred people saying hello to him. The man is the biggest extrovert ever .

I'm definitely allowed to be bitchy about him thigh as he was an affair partner and broke up a marriage with a child.

Thank you. And some women are triggered to the point of attacking me, accusing me of being fixated/obsessed with the one couple I used as an anecdote in a post 😂I wonder if everyone who's replied to this thread with their (sometimes detailed) anecdotes are also obsessed?

That’s because it’s mainly a women’s forum though

Your husband is attractive to you! Others may think he is the spit of Shrek as this thread clearly shows!

True, but some women on here hold themselves out to be holier than thou....