Have you ever been surprised when you met someone’s spouse/DP?

[littlemissworry97]

As in they didn’t look or act how you expected them to, or they completely weren’t the type you expected?

Oh he definitely is, it’s not insecurity, it’s an obvious fact. But as I say I’m fucking fantastic and amazing in bed, I don’t think it’s all just looks! Lol

Sometimes…

But I do remember a girl who worked at the school I was teaching at years ago was really shocked when she met my dp and said she thought i’d be with a successful, serious lawyer type..(not sure what impression she had of me?!)
Dp is a manual worker, arty & a surfer 😂

No I haven't! I've had the same attitude throughout the thread. Because I shared my one anecdote, the same as many other posters have, people started bashing me 😂

It's true that love for someone as a person can change our perception of the external, yes.

Also, there are lots of "unkind" comments about mens' appearances on here, but people are only being criticised when they make an undiplomatic remark about a woman's appearance...

Worked with wife and then met her husband who could have been her identical twin - was a bit weird/spooky 😂

That would be spooky! 😂

This thread isn't just about that couple though, it isn't in my OP. And I deleted the thread from yesterday before I saw any responses.

Yes, many years ago a young woman came to work at my workplace. She was bubbly, funny, kind and very sweet. She was also good looking and stylish. When I met her fiancé I was quite shocked. He was miserable, moody, sarcastic and didn't work (he was able, just chose not to work). He wasn't remotely good looking either. She really loved him and he treated her terribly. Thank goodness the relationship ended and she went on to meet and marry a really lovely man.

There was a teacher at my DCs primary school. Very caring, calming presence, dressed very relaxed, softly spoken. All the children loved him. His wife attended an open day. She looked like a dominatrix, black high heels, tight skirt and top, blond hair and red lipstick. Was quite surreal.

the comments you have made are vile and seem to be obsessive. Not at all lighthearted until you got called out on it.

You don't know that you're unattractive. It is probably just insecurity.

Yes .Its almost like some people can see beyond the superficial and actually love someone for who they are. It really pisses me off that so called plain or less attractive women get sneered at when they have a more attractive partner. Believe it or not there are some decent good looking men out there.

I'm not disputing that people can see beyond the external. I'm just talking about that initial moment when you meet someone and feel surprised; it's a gut reaction we can't help.

I said that the woman is probably lovely.

Jesus, @littlemissworry97. For an obviously shallow person, you have presented multiple layers of assumption, prejudice and judgement in this one comment alone, let alone all the others.

You're 28. Come back to us all when you're 46 and tell us if you're as "light-hearted" about this whole concept of a good "match" being based purely on looks then!

Well that’s DH and me now. I used to be much more attractive than I am now but after 3 DCs I have put on a few stone. DH is a retired athlete who decided, for his mental health more than anything, to keep daily training. So he has a perfectly sculpted physique. Walking down the high street in a tracksuit he doesn’t turn many heads but on the beach he does.

One day he took DC3 to her baby swim class because I had a cold and wasn’t up to it. I went along to show him where to go and sat in the car during her lesson. At the end I nipped inside the private pool complex to use the loo, which was a couple of cubicles inside a communal changing room. The mums and babies left the pool and entered the changing room just after I had gone in the loo, not knowing I was there. Their conversation was something like this:
Mum 1 “I know we’re all married ladies but new Dad is HOT. My god those abs”
communal laughter
Mum 2 “definitely not wearing this awful swimming costume to next week’s lesson, time for a designer bikini”
communal laughter
Mum 3 “is he gay? He just looks too perfect to be straight”
Mum 4 “I don’t think so, his wife normally brings their baby, can’t remember her name, the redhead lady who wasn’t here this week”
Mum 1 “what….can’t be…really??? They can’t be a couple. Are you sure??”
Mum 4 “yes I overheard him telling (swim instructor) he was only there because his wife was ill so I hate to spoil the fun but I doubt you’ll see him next week”
Mortified. There never was a next week, I never went back.

You also put 🤮 at the end of a sentence describing her having sex with her partner. Weird.

I never said that compatibility was all about looks. My OP was just about the initial impressions that people have of a couple when they meet them. I also never said that anyone's value lies in what they look like, either.

People are getting angry that I, and many others on this post, have mentioned that they have met someone's spouse for the first time and been surprised. It's just a human reaction'; we do notice the external first.

I can't help my personal reaction, it does gross me out yes. But so what?

I have a friend who I think is absolutely beautiful. She met her partner 8ish years ago and when I first met him I was distinctly underwhelmed as I didn’t think they were matched in the looks department and couldn’t work out what she saw in him. As I got to know him I could see how well suited they were- same values, approach to life, sense of humour and they genuinely enjoy spending time together (which is a lot more than can be said for some of my other married friends) . I still feel guilty about how I ( silently) judged him at the start as he is one of the nicest and kindest people I know. She chose well!

I think the real question you need to ask yourself is why you feel the need make a post on mumsnet containing obsessive details and opinions on the sex life/personal appearance about a couple that (taking a wild guess) probably barely know you exist.
it’s just so off.

Oh of course, compatibility for a long term relationship is about much more than looks. We can't help the initial judgement, which most (all) of us unconsciously have when we first meet people though. It doesn't mean we're judging the person as a human being though, I don't think it's something to feel guilty about.

I never made any sex life comments, another poster did!!

I think people are surprised at mine. I'm very sociable, he is not. He also looks a bit intimidating, I definitely dont lol

Yes you did.