Lost it with DP, money and time off

[Moneyworries890]

I come home from work after a particular bad day today and DP announces he plans to take 3 months off work, unpaid. Because he feels like it. I fucking lost it.

We have an 11 month old. I went back to work at 7 months to support us as I'm the higher earner. Pumping round the clock, doing every night wake (because baby totally rejected DP once I went back to work), being a terrible employee and a terrible mother and hating life as I couldn't balance it all.

I've already supported him, pre-baby, for a 6 month period where he took time off. I also lent him money for a masters degree (which he completed part time on top of full time work, pre-baby).

He's not lazy per se but he prioritises himself 100% when it comes to finances.

To expect me to support us for 3 months just because he feels like it? I lost it. Totally fucking lost it. I want to be done with him now. I actually hate him.

Once we calmed down he said he has saved enough money so he can still contribute to the household as normal and he was never planning to ask me to support us 100%

1. I don't believe him (i believe he has the money but he would have 100% expected me to pay for everything)and

2. if he has saved up all that money, how about treating his exhausted partner and mother of his child to something. No? Didn't think so.

In his defence, his income is insignificant compared to mine. We can do without his, not without mine.But I can't be working my arse off while he sits at home, with a full time nanny and the mortgage paid every month. I just can't. Maybe I'm unreasonable. But no fucking way.

Ultimately, I think he has completely underestimated the toll going back to work has taken on me. Truth be told, I resent that he couldn't support me to stay home for a year. Why the fuck does he need 3 months off?

We're saving for a house.

Jesus christ think twice about this.

if you must PLEASE ensure

• you are tenants in common
• deposits are ringfenced
• remaining equity split is proportional to mortgage contribution %
• profit is proportional to overall split
• most importantly ensure that whatever you buy, you can afford to buy him out (avoiding sales fees, solicitors fees, stamp duty and moving costs) when you DO eventually get pushed too far and leave him

"We're saving for a house. "

You're saving for a house.

He's saving for yet another break from work.

You said he took a 6 months break pre baby. Now he wants another one. You know he's not going to like the new job and he'll be wanting another break. This is a guy who wants to be supported and not work.

Oh no - please don’t buy a house!

We're saving for a house.

No you're saving for a house.

He’s pathologically selfish. He doesn’t pull his weight financially yet manages to save?

Don't buy a house with this selfish loser.
Be glad you aren't married.
Get rid of him.

He can spend his leave moving out and setting up on his own. You don’t need 2 babies to look after. It sounds like it would actually be easier and less stressful if he wasn’t around.

YANBU. Going by just the first post, he’s a lazy thoughtless selfish arse.

Do not buy a house with this selfish man. You’ll end up having to give him half.

No wonder you’re triggered OP. Losing it under these circumstances is completely understandable. You can’t stop him taking 3 months off, the absolute tone deaf boldness of it is however staggering… especially as you had to cut short your maternity leave! +You have one child, not two. I’d be wary about buying a house with him. It’s not equal. He has the luxury of ‘finding himself’ for 3 months as (boo-hoo) his current brief is boring/unfulfilling etc, whereas you are in survival mode daily, likely (as new motherhood whilst working so hard is the absolute biggest endurance struggle) taking you to the edge of yourself? Nah and nope is right. Tell him he can move out for the 3 months. It’s taking the P and then some, and worst part is he probably doesn’t even get why!

3 months off if he has something better firmly lined up, so you can save on childcare fees and he can take all the domestic load off your plate, including of course night feeds - sounds like a reasonable plan.

3 months off so he can sit on his arse, while you had to go back early and will still do everything - ha lol no.

Interesting that he waited til you were back at work and nanny lined up before he informed you of his plans, right?

Oh wow - incredibly selfish he is. OP you deserve so much better he’s taking the absolute piss because he can

We all want 3 months off! I've had a week off leave mooching around, lunches and a bit of housework and it's been brilliant! But I'm going to back to work because I have to earn money to fund my lifestyle.

If he doesn't earn much how has he saved 3 months salary? Like a poster up thread I wonder if he's lost his job and there's a drip feed coming your way.

When you've got a family you cannot just decide to take 3 months off. How he's got the front to think it's okay for you to reduce your maternity leave and then plan to just take time off to sit on his arse is beyond me. I'd tell him it's good he has savings because he will need it to rent a flat and support himself and 50% of the money for the baby.

3 months off!

Also if you do try and split with him I reckon he’ll make it as difficult as possible, possibly he’ll offer a compromise at first that he will half ass. Pp is right, he’s ground the fight out of you. I hope you manage to extract yourself without further harm being done to you and your financial stability.

Just leave. He won’t change.