DH sore on penis - am I in the wrong?

[ALineOrNot]

So bit of back story. DH and I together for 3 years, married for around 18 months. We’ve had some history of him being what I class as overly friendly with women from work, just messages and being ‘supportive’, sending hearts in response to their Facebook stories (which I can’t now see as they’ve timed out so I have no reassurance when he says it was just general photos)

So in short, there isn’t much trust from my end. I know a marriage isn’t great without trust but here we are.

We have a very active sex life and have recently moved house where we have a walk in shower, we have spent a lot of time using soap etc together in there - this is all relevant!

Yesterday he came to me and said he had a sore on his penis. He showed me and it was under his foreskin, more on the shaft. It was about the size of a 1p coin and looked like an ulcer, whiteish in the middle. It didn’t look crusty or had pus etc.

I told him that he needs to see a GP or get tested. I was calm but told him that I won’t be having sex with him until it’s sorted as there are 3 options really - it’s something from before he met me which means did he knowingly have sex with me keeping this hidden, he’s caught something while he’s been with me or it’s another medical issue which needs sorting.

He said I’m completely overreacting and it’s probably a reaction from all the different soap etc in the shower?

So I don’t drip feed - he WFH and I take the car to work every day. He doesn’t go out drinking etc so I have no idea when he would cheat but it’s not impossible. I’ve also had 3 missed miscarriages which might be clouding my judgement as I know that if he’s given me an STI which has been symptomless then it could have contributed

I’ve tried googling what STIs look like and nothing looks like what he has ☹️

It can be from using soap. Like a fungal infection similar to what women get. It’s probably worth going to the gp about though. I am not sure he has slept with anyone else if he has simply shown it to you….(I might be wrong)

It could just be a minor infection, or it could be more. Send him to the GUI clinic for a check. There's only one way to know for sure.

He needs to see a GP either way.

Edit to say you shouldn’t be using soap to that extent on your genitals.

I think it's something that should be checked out simply because it's sore and they can probably give him something for it, but I don't think it's necessarily an STI.

You need to get yourself checked he clearly isn't going to

And keep your legs crossed regardless until you get the all clear

I mean he needs to see a GP and you shouldn’t be having sex right now but it wouldn’t make me jump to an STI

Regardless of what it is it doesn't sound like you're particularly happy

It's fair enough to say no sex until it's sorted. Also don't put soap on your genitals.

Lots of soap could have messed with pH balance whoch could cause a fungal infection.

I don't think you are overreacting you can never be too careful when it comes to STI's. He should get it checked as he could have got it from a previous partner before you got together, some can be undetected for years with no symptoms. It could also be from the soaps but either way he should see why he has it.

Anyone else wondering WTF you are doing with the soap in the shower!!?? 😳

Sounds like penile thrush

Im more wondering wtf is she doing trying for a baby with a creepy bloke she doesn’t trust 🤷‍♀️

Thanks guys

it didn’t look like thrush to me, it wasn’t red. It looked just like a mouth ulcer but on his penis 🤷🏻‍♀️

it’s good to know that it doesn’t sound like an STI but I still want that reassurance and I’m not prepared to put myself at risk just in case.

@Mousehi you’re right, I don’t think I’m particularly happy.

Your reaction was pretty cold and callous.

You accused him of potentially keeping it secret from before he met you and accusing him of having an sti. You also told him you won't be having sex with him again until it's sorted.

How would you feel to be on the receiving end of that from your husband. I'd be really hurt

I'm not saying you shouldn't have concerns. There's a way of saying it and that was unnecessary.

You just should have said to go to the gp and we better not have sex until we know what it is, in case it makes it worse.

This is a whole other thread, but given your comments about him and female friends genuinely think he's been cheating on you?

It’s likely just some sort of irritation or infection and he needs to see GP. Totally reasonable not to have sex in meantime. I don’t think it’s necessarily an STI.

Yes - well least I can't think of anything soap related that is recommended foe gentials. Though it does put me in mind of the joke about the "where's the soap".

So OP, yes it could be soap related.

I think if it looks like an ulcer then GU Medicine or sexual health clinic is more appropriate than the GP. They have better access to testing.

I’m no longer trying for a baby which might be the reason for my major unhappiness. The MMC were all in a short space of time when all the message crap was happening and now I don’t think it’s right to bring a baby into it all

It sounds EXACTLY like an STD!!

A penile ulcer, or sore on the penis, can be a symptom of several sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including syphilis, herpes, and chancroid. These infections can cause different types of ulcers, some painful and others painless. It's crucial to seek medical evaluation for any penile ulcer, as prompt diagnosis and treatment are essential to prevent complications and further spread of the infection.

I have been married for 21 years and have only had sex with my wife for over 22 years. A few months ago I had a sore on the shaft of my penis, I can best describe it as being like a blood blister. I was thinking of going to my GP when it burst, bled a fair amount and is now fully healed. I can be 100% sure it was not an STI.
These things can occur.

The crucial thing is you don't know what has caused this..
So the the very sensible thing to do is no sex until he had seen a GP/ been checked out at a sexual.health clinic. You need to protect you own wellbeing.
And in rhe meantime reflect on the wedding vows you made to each other. If he is " overly friendly" with other women they obviously didn't mean much to him did they? Is your marriage worth saving?

Could it be balanitis? It's a yeast infection, not an STD.

Were you both tested before you started sleeping together?

Well you're right that he needs to get it looked at & not to have sex until you know what it is.

So in short, there isn’t much trust from my end.

That's obviously the biggest issue though.