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Original poster

Husband getting close to girl at the gym

461 replies

Amy808 · 09/08/2025 14:16

I just wondered what people’s opinions were on this.

So, my husband goes to the gym, a lot. Pretty much every day. He normally goes with a few friends, but I’ve heard other guys names mentioned over the years. But never another woman.

A couple of months ago he started mentioning another woman who goes there. Said she’s really nice etc etc. Apparently the other guys all fancy her, but he doesn’t as ‘ she’s too young for him’. He’s only in his 30’s so that’s a load of rubbish anyway, presuming she’s in her 20’s.

Fast forward a few months and he’s gone from mentioning her once or twice to talking about her quite a lot. Nothing exciting, just conversations they’ve had. He seems to know where she works / lives / her gym schedule / what car she drives … It’s all a bit stalker ish for me. I’ve asked him twice now if he fancies her and he’s denied it both times, but he’s never got this friendly with another woman since we’ve been together ( 10 plus years ).

He now follows her fitness page on socials too. Am I going over the top or are they getting too close? He said she doesn’t speak to many of the other guys because they all perv on her but he doesn’t ( apparently ).

I know people are going to say it’s not a problem to have opposite sex friends. It just seems like they’ve got a bit close and he almost goes out of his way to chat with her.

Shall I just drop the whole thing or maybe just keep an eye on it in the background? Any opinions welcome. Thank you x

OP posts:
reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 06/10/2025 15:14

This reply has been deleted

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Goditsmemargaret · 06/10/2025 15:23

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Yes I agree, stating all those opinions as facts then throwing in a 'sorry'.

Total muppetry.

Anyway back to OP.

I've said different versions of the following on many threads. I have a strict ethos that I live by.

If someone I'm in a relationship with behaves like this, I don't try to persuade them to stop or behave better. The reason I don't is because it is me who needs to be persuaded as I get so thoroughly turned off.

Change your perspective on this. Do you really want to be with a silly middle-aged man who can't respect his wife and is instead led by showing off to his immature mates that Gym Girl likes him the most? He's pathetic. Think about what attributes you like in a man; it's not insecurity, easily manipulated, needy, fragile ego, selfishness is it?

I would be telling him straight how I'm struggling to still feel any attraction to him, that when we married I didn't think he would turn into this sort of man and I'm sorry but it's time to discuss separating. And I would mean it. This is not an overreaction. This is your husband sulking and punishing you that he's not allowed to play with his toys; this is he making you the mean mommy in the scenario.

Fuck him! Throw his ass out, get yourself lifting weights and feeling good and when you feel like it start a dalliance with some muscle bloke.

andthat · 06/10/2025 15:23

waterrat · 06/10/2025 13:12

I can't believe what Im reading

your partner is massively disrespecting you Op.

This.

He knows how this is making you feel and he doesn’t care.

He's already put his desire to speak to her over you.

I’m not sure if you’re in a posi to leave but there is no way I’d put up with this in my marriage.

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 06/10/2025 15:27

It's hardly the point but a lot of people who lift heavy weights at the gym choose to wear a silicone wedding ring during their workout.

Ponoka7 · 06/10/2025 15:44

He was ripe for a bit of extra marital fun and hasn't liked being cock blocked. He also hasn't liked not being her first choice, completely ignoring that he was your first choice. Going forward, this won't be the only time his head is turned, it just depends on if she's up for it. I'd be crushed by this tbh.

Poodlelove · 06/10/2025 15:55

I would be going into that gym to drop off something that he has forgotten to see for myself .
Maybe he spends all the time in there with her in the cafe and doesn't exercise.
Maybe it's all one sided on his part.
If you go you can see for yourself.

ShesNeverSeenAShadeOfGray · 06/10/2025 16:07

Amy808 · 09/08/2025 18:56

Sorry, I’ve been trying to catch up. Yes we have children. I mentioned going to the gym with him before and he just said ‘ what’s the point, I’ll be in the weight section, you’ll be in the cardio section, we won’t even see eachother’.

Time to go to the gym.

You don't need his permission.

Ardella · 06/10/2025 16:17

Sounds like your "husband" has been a pest. She kindly told him she was engaged, he decided to not take the hint.

He comes home gloating about this one sided crush to keep it going and fuel a fire that isn't even lit.

Now she has complained to her fiancé who feels the need to come to the gym so this girl can workout in peace without men like your husband flocking around her.

Now your husband has had his delusions shattered and thinks that the fiancé is the only thing standing in the way of his young crush showing him affection.

If you are genuine and serious op, get down to the gym as a one off. Don't ask permission from your husband. Just go and assess the situation from yourself. However I think the writings are on the wall here. And we've all been in that's woman place where we've said "I have a bf" in the hopes of deterring these type of guys but it doesn't work. She most likely feels in an awkward situation where she can't out right reject your husband since he isn't being directly obvious, but enough that she is getting uncomfortable.

I wish as women we didn't have to feel the need to be so passive and people pleasing and could just tell men like this to go do one.

Blueskies77 · 06/10/2025 16:24

Honestly he sounds so pathetic and childish, I don’t think I could get over the massive disrespect and ick factor he’s shown you. Sorry you’re with a man child. What do you think you’re going to do relationship wise?

Chiefangel · 06/10/2025 16:29

I’m cringing for the girl having your husband leering over her.
He is totally disrespectful to you. he either changes gym or you finish with him. No man should treat their wife like this.
This has been going on for weeks. Tell him tonight, it’s a change of gym or separation.

Purplerain869 · 06/10/2025 16:33

I have older men in the gym who chit chat with me. Some are completely innocent, and I know that because they’ve introduced me to their wives when I’ve seen them outside the gym. But there are others I initially thought were harmless, as they’re married and fathers to daughters.

Your husband actually reminds me of the worst one. The one I actively avoid so he doesn’t try to talk to me for an ego boost in front of other men. He’s done a whole bunch of unhinged things and convinced people we’re genuine friends when he barely knows me. I know for a fact he’s argued with his wife about me, and I’ve told him I have zero interest in him, but he just pretends that conversation never happened. He’s even made up conversations we’ve never had.

Your husband’s behaviour is embarrassing. He clearly thought he had a chance with her, and now that her fiancé has called it out, she can see the issue for what it is.

Original poster
Amy808 · 06/10/2025 16:35

So I bumped into a guy who used to work at this gym today, and asked him some questions. You can tell he was really uncomfortable as he knows us both, but said the following ;

He doesn’t know who started the interactions, but it got to a point where she was following him around like a lost puppy dog. Wherever he went, she was. Even walking upto his car to say hello when they arrived etc. He seems to think he probably liked the attention to start with, but he apparently said to a few people that it’s gone to far now, and he mite have to go to another gym to get away from her. He seems to think nothings gone on, but they both probably do fancy eachother.

So I have no idea what to think now as that’s the complete opposite of what I had in my head that was going on. If this was true though, he wouldn’t be getting in a strop about not talking to her anymore and blocking her on social media, surely?

OP posts:
DrowningInSyrup · 06/10/2025 16:38

Amy808 · 06/10/2025 16:35

So I bumped into a guy who used to work at this gym today, and asked him some questions. You can tell he was really uncomfortable as he knows us both, but said the following ;

He doesn’t know who started the interactions, but it got to a point where she was following him around like a lost puppy dog. Wherever he went, she was. Even walking upto his car to say hello when they arrived etc. He seems to think he probably liked the attention to start with, but he apparently said to a few people that it’s gone to far now, and he mite have to go to another gym to get away from her. He seems to think nothings gone on, but they both probably do fancy eachother.

So I have no idea what to think now as that’s the complete opposite of what I had in my head that was going on. If this was true though, he wouldn’t be getting in a strop about not talking to her anymore and blocking her on social media, surely?

Don't fall for it. Absolute Bullshit, he's loving it and this bloke isn't going to admit he's like a bear on heat whenever she wafts his way. Do something about it....anything.

Try something along the lines of "I've heard so much about you.....I believe you're into doggy style, how's that working out for you"?

Katherine9 · 06/10/2025 16:39

Amy808 · 06/10/2025 16:35

So I bumped into a guy who used to work at this gym today, and asked him some questions. You can tell he was really uncomfortable as he knows us both, but said the following ;

He doesn’t know who started the interactions, but it got to a point where she was following him around like a lost puppy dog. Wherever he went, she was. Even walking upto his car to say hello when they arrived etc. He seems to think he probably liked the attention to start with, but he apparently said to a few people that it’s gone to far now, and he mite have to go to another gym to get away from her. He seems to think nothings gone on, but they both probably do fancy eachother.

So I have no idea what to think now as that’s the complete opposite of what I had in my head that was going on. If this was true though, he wouldn’t be getting in a strop about not talking to her anymore and blocking her on social media, surely?

If this is true, why couldn't your DH present it in this way?

You put a poor guy on the spot and asked questions... he must have been mortified. You've been told over and over both by posters here and now by this guy that they fancy each other.

Yet you still look for reasons to give your DH the benefit of the doubt.

TheCaribbeanIsCallingMe · 06/10/2025 16:39

Honestly, aside from the utter disrespect he exudes towards you, this sounds EXHAUSTING!

Are you still intimate with him? The only reason I can think of for his behaviour, is him trying to keep you on your toes, and if you don't currently have sex, maybe he thinks you will, if you think you have competition/could lose him.

If it isn't that, I'm baffled.

Having seen shit like this before, the only way you will wake him up, is a short sharp shock, like you kicking him out. It's what I would do, for sure. Throw some essentials in a bin bag, and tell him you're done. You don't have to mean it, he just has to believe that you do.

Things will look very different indeed when he's in a bedsit or his Mum's box room. At the moment he gets the best of both worlds - you and the kids at home, and her at the gym. Pull the rug out from under him - take control.

Bunny44 · 06/10/2025 16:49

OP I really feel rage for you. How your husband is acting is so disrespectful. I have a few friends who go to the gym a lot and I will say some of them flirt a lot without really meaning it but it totally reels some guys in. I can imagine she's similar. It doesn't mean she fancies your husband but she probably likes him as a person and likes the attention, while your husband obviously has a crush. The whole thing is ridiculous an so disrespectful to you.

The not wearing his wedding ring and not posting any socials about you and not mentioning he's married just seems in combination outrageous tbh!

Allthatshines1992 · 06/10/2025 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

She would be better off leaving him. The reality isn't always what we want to hear but this is what it is.

Allthatshines1992 · 06/10/2025 16:58

Amy808 · 06/10/2025 16:35

So I bumped into a guy who used to work at this gym today, and asked him some questions. You can tell he was really uncomfortable as he knows us both, but said the following ;

He doesn’t know who started the interactions, but it got to a point where she was following him around like a lost puppy dog. Wherever he went, she was. Even walking upto his car to say hello when they arrived etc. He seems to think he probably liked the attention to start with, but he apparently said to a few people that it’s gone to far now, and he mite have to go to another gym to get away from her. He seems to think nothings gone on, but they both probably do fancy eachother.

So I have no idea what to think now as that’s the complete opposite of what I had in my head that was going on. If this was true though, he wouldn’t be getting in a strop about not talking to her anymore and blocking her on social media, surely?

I wonder if the man who works at the gym was trying not to incriminate your husband by putting the 'blame' of the interactions on this other woman. 'Blame the nearest woman' is the phrase which comes to mind.

OodlesTheTalkingPoodle · 06/10/2025 17:01

Allthatshines1992 · 06/10/2025 16:58

I wonder if the man who works at the gym was trying not to incriminate your husband by putting the 'blame' of the interactions on this other woman. 'Blame the nearest woman' is the phrase which comes to mind.

Show quote history

That's what I thought because surely if he was uncomfortable with the attention he'd have said that to OP?

DollydaydreamTheThird · 06/10/2025 17:02

Allthatshines1992 · 06/10/2025 16:58

I wonder if the man who works at the gym was trying not to incriminate your husband by putting the 'blame' of the interactions on this other woman. 'Blame the nearest woman' is the phrase which comes to mind.

Show quote history

It's the bro code isn't it? Blame the 'slutty' women for everything and protect the other male in the situation. He'd be more scared of OPs husband than the girl if any of what he had said came out. Obviously going to lie for him isn't he?

Allthatshines1992 · 06/10/2025 17:03

Bunny44 · 06/10/2025 16:49

OP I really feel rage for you. How your husband is acting is so disrespectful. I have a few friends who go to the gym a lot and I will say some of them flirt a lot without really meaning it but it totally reels some guys in. I can imagine she's similar. It doesn't mean she fancies your husband but she probably likes him as a person and likes the attention, while your husband obviously has a crush. The whole thing is ridiculous an so disrespectful to you.

The not wearing his wedding ring and not posting any socials about you and not mentioning he's married just seems in combination outrageous tbh!

Social media is now redundant for a lot of people over 30. I deleted mine aged about 25 and my girl's Dad has an account but rarely bothers to log into it. He hasn't posted any photos of me or our daughter on there and I wouldn't want him to.

Also, I think people do remove wedding rings at the gym and some people are married on paper but don't bother to wear the rings at all which is also okay I think.

The social media and wedding bad are for show/for other people. Personally I wouldn't see those things as an issue but I would absolutely be annoyed he's indulging in this voluntarily. Why is even at the gym so much when he has children and a spouse? I'm sure there are useful things he could be doing at home to keep fit, even running about at the park with the kids.

Absentmindedsmile · 06/10/2025 17:04

I think this is one that’s just going to run its course. And the predictable inevitable ending will happen. OP just needs to make her own way. The truth will out. Sorry op. I hope we’re all wrong.

DIYagainstMould · 06/10/2025 17:05

I don't go to the gym but from what I have seen clothes wise, women do it in order to take others women's men

Allthatshines1992 · 06/10/2025 17:09

Goditsmemargaret · 06/10/2025 15:23

Yes I agree, stating all those opinions as facts then throwing in a 'sorry'.

Total muppetry.

Anyway back to OP.

I've said different versions of the following on many threads. I have a strict ethos that I live by.

If someone I'm in a relationship with behaves like this, I don't try to persuade them to stop or behave better. The reason I don't is because it is me who needs to be persuaded as I get so thoroughly turned off.

Change your perspective on this. Do you really want to be with a silly middle-aged man who can't respect his wife and is instead led by showing off to his immature mates that Gym Girl likes him the most? He's pathetic. Think about what attributes you like in a man; it's not insecurity, easily manipulated, needy, fragile ego, selfishness is it?

I would be telling him straight how I'm struggling to still feel any attraction to him, that when we married I didn't think he would turn into this sort of man and I'm sorry but it's time to discuss separating. And I would mean it. This is not an overreaction. This is your husband sulking and punishing you that he's not allowed to play with his toys; this is he making you the mean mommy in the scenario.

Fuck him! Throw his ass out, get yourself lifting weights and feeling good and when you feel like it start a dalliance with some muscle bloke.

Show quote history

Ideally an unmarried one!

TheHillIsMine · 06/10/2025 17:11

Amy808 · 06/10/2025 16:35

So I bumped into a guy who used to work at this gym today, and asked him some questions. You can tell he was really uncomfortable as he knows us both, but said the following ;

He doesn’t know who started the interactions, but it got to a point where she was following him around like a lost puppy dog. Wherever he went, she was. Even walking upto his car to say hello when they arrived etc. He seems to think he probably liked the attention to start with, but he apparently said to a few people that it’s gone to far now, and he mite have to go to another gym to get away from her. He seems to think nothings gone on, but they both probably do fancy eachother.

So I have no idea what to think now as that’s the complete opposite of what I had in my head that was going on. If this was true though, he wouldn’t be getting in a strop about not talking to her anymore and blocking her on social media, surely?

Or he's protecting a fellow male and it's him sniffing around her...