I don't want to live together.

[ItsTheCoo]

My partner of 9 months is pushing for us to live together and I simply don't want to. I had a messy divorce and now own a lovely little house with my children where we are very happy. Partner (f) lives in rented accommodation with their 2 children and wants us to rent together. Our children get on, but I think its too soon and I'm unsure if I ever want to live with a partner again. My partner is not happy about this but I just can't bear the thought of moving my 2 children (one with additional needs) out of our little bubble.

I'm considering walking away.

What happened when she visited OP? What did she do that upset your DC so much? I'll be honest, anyone who made my DC distraught wouldn't be getting near them (or me) again so I don't really understand how her emotional manipulation is still working on you, my anger on DC's behalf would be completely overriding any sympathy for her.

She is an adult, responsible for her own feelings and actions but it's down to you to protect your DC and it would clearly be in their best interests for you to end this relationship. It's damaging them now, enough. Find your anger here, how fucking dare she upset them like that?!

I'm currently composing a message. I can't do this in person plus my children are with me. I am aware of what a shitty person this makes me.

Not at all! It makes you sensible and pragmatic. Good on you OP

Pick your children.

Ending things via text is a wise choice when she's already really upset your kids and has threatened to harm herself.

If she threatens to harm herself, call the police. If she's genuinely having suicidal ideation, she will get the emergency help she needs. If it's manipulation, that will stop.

Not a shitty person, a responsible and caring parent.

you have low self esteem - you can improve that but first get rid of this person - you have NO need to feel anything other than relief. We’re all responsible for ourselves as adults.

Her kids are upsetting your kids, she’s upsetting you, she’s pushing boundaries and making you uncomfortable, she’s abusive (silent treatment), manipulative (threatening self-harm to keep you with her) and is generally making your life and your kids’ lives unpleasant.

Finish it ASAP, by carrier pigeon if you have to, this is not someone you want in either your life or your children’s lives.

You've come out of an abusive relationship OP and sounds like you've made a lovely calm home for your DC. You've done an amazing thing and your peace and wellbeing is precious.

This partner who is pressuring you to move in and emotionally blackmailing you with threats of self harm, she's a real threat to that lovely calm home and peaceful life you & your children deserve.

Please do remember to put yourself and your peace first here.

There's no way I'd be moving in with someone after 9 months when I had DC.

No it doesn't, in a normal, health realtionship that's come to an end it would be shitty. In a relationship where someone's emotionally manipulative it's not and you need to end it in whatever way is required.

Definitely. Part of it is you feeling you have no valid voice. That's come from her.

Time to stop seeing things through her eyes and start seeing things through your own.

Your primary task is to look after yourself. Her primary task is to look after herself. Don't get the two mixed up just because she has blurred the boundaries.

You can do this op. FWIW you won’t cause someone to self harm. That decision remains theirs and their responsibility only. To use it in the way your dp has done is manipulative and emotional abuse. It’s coercive behaviour and is illegal. Please continue to put your dc and yourself first.

She's left you no choice but to do it this way OP, her behaviour is alarming enough that it would be unwise to end it in person, it just opens you up to more abuse/manipulation. It certainly doesn't make you a shitty person, just sensible.

If she had been reasonable in the relationship you could be reasonable in the break up...text is fair enough in the circumstances- don't beat yourself up about that, you're doing what is right for your kids and your peace and sanity.

Update for you all. I ended this relationship over the weekend. I am devastated but I do know its for the best.

Thank you for all your kind comments.

I think this is the right decision for you and your DC.

If she threatens to kill herself just call emergency services then block her.

opps, never mid, hadn’t rtft. Good for you OP!

@ItsTheCoo it took you a while to get rid of this person, how much grief have they and their dc caused in these intervening months? High time to put your dc and yourself first and ignore all further manipulation and emotional blackmail. 💐

What was the final straw?
Your poor kids. Maybe refrain from introducing future dates into their lives.

We only get one life and you deserve to live yours peacefully and happily. Don’t let anyone else into your life that doesn’t enhance it with happiness and peace.

Think their reaction is telling. Leave

Better you than your kids.

If she threatens suicide, call the police. That's above your pay grade

Sending you a handhold. You've been through the mill with this one.
Stay strong and don't let them guilt you into having them back. Hopefully reading this thread or even just your own posts will help remind you why you've finished it.

Stay strong and don’t be manipulated to resuming the relationship.

Stay strong OP. Reduce contact entirely if you can, seems brutal but it's for the best.