I don't want to live together.

[ItsTheCoo]

My partner of 9 months is pushing for us to live together and I simply don't want to. I had a messy divorce and now own a lovely little house with my children where we are very happy. Partner (f) lives in rented accommodation with their 2 children and wants us to rent together. Our children get on, but I think its too soon and I'm unsure if I ever want to live with a partner again. My partner is not happy about this but I just can't bear the thought of moving my 2 children (one with additional needs) out of our little bubble.

I'm considering walking away.

So the situation continues due to numerous dramas in her life and there never seems a good time to end it. I know I'm being manipulated but she keeps talking about hurting herself, i cant be the person who might send her to that point.

Let her, quite honestly. If she's that crazy, life will soon drive her to it one way or another. Why fuck up yours too|?

In all honesty though, manipulative people like this are usually way too selfish to cause themselves any hurt.

You wouldn’t be, she is responsible for her own actions. You can’t let yourself be held hostage by a woman you have known for such a short amount of time. She is clearly mentally very unwell and you need protect your children from that sort of dysfunction. They never asked for to be around this or for this to be done to their mother.

Then she needs to see her GP and get help, that is not your job.

It's possible she only wanted to live together as she wants to share the rent with someone.

Don't do this to yourself, your priority is your children and yourself.

My kids were absolutely distraught after a visit from her and her kids last week, I just can't carry on like this but really need to get a backbone!

Then do it for their sake. They're counting on you to protect them.

Put your kids first and end this relationship for their sake. They are your priority not this woman

You need to end it, sooner than later. Send an unambiguous message telling her simply that this relationship has ended, then block her. She’s abusing you emotionally by threatening self-harm, what she does to herself (but she won’t) is NOT your responsibility. Think how free you will feel without this awful situation looming over you constantly. You deserve peace - focus on you and your children as a priority.

You’ve been married before. You know how awful living with a man can be.

Say no. If you think you might do in the future give a realistic timeline like 2 years or when the kids leave school etc, if you’ll never want to then be honest

Just text her it’s over. And also text a couple of her friends and family saying you’ve split up and she could use a friend pls can they check in with her e

If the relationship isn’t working, it isn’t working. The sooner you end things the sooner they mend and move on. You are making it worse by continuing.

I honesty think you need time alone to find out who you are. Not being straight with people is just lies - It not about people pleasing or conflict avoidance - it unfair to everyone.

Threatening harm to oneself in an attempt to keep a partner is toxic behaviour.

You know you need to end this @ItsTheCoo it doesn’t sound good for you. The sudden dramas and threats of harm? No. A different kind of manipulation. You need to end it and cease contact.

Threatening to hurt yourself if so.eone breaks up with you is a terrible thing to do, and terrible for your children. As the posts go on, it gets worse. If you dont break up now you will continue to be pressurised to do all sorts of things you do t want to do and the lessons your children will take from this will be bad ones. Stand firm and remember you are not responsible for what she does.

Don't give in to the emotional blackmail, that's one of the most egregrious forms of manipulation. Ignore the drama, not your problem, look after yourself and your DC by ending it.

Get a piece of paper. Divide it in 2.

One side - you tell her now, write down what you'll do, what you'll do afterwards, how it might feel.

Other side, you do what she wants and stay together for at least the next 5 years, sell your house and rent with her. Write down how it will feel.

People who are actually going to kill themselves don't tend to tell people about it as they dont want anyone to stop them. It will not be your responsibility. If she mentions it again then give her the number for the Samaritans

I didn’t want to read and run but if she threatens this and you are concerned think you can call 999 and get a mental health check for her.
Why is she escalating her behaviour? Have you gone cold on her? Your poor kids though, she sounds unhinged and her kids must pick up on it too by how badly they behave I’m guessing?

If the relationship isn’t working, it isn’t working. The sooner you end things the sooner they mend and move on. You are making it worse by continuing.

I honesty think you need time alone to find out who you are. Not being straight with people is just lies - It not about people pleasing or conflict avoidance - it unfair to everyone.

Her mental health isn't your responsibility. You end the relationship and if she treatens to kill herself you call for an ambulance and f you know her parrentd numver you let them know. You don't engage and further than that.

Then don't. You alone are in charge of your life and you know what's best for your children.

Hi OP, your partner knows that you want to end it, and she is throwing everything at you to keep you, sob stories, dramas and now emotional blackmail that she'll hurt herself. This is not how a 9mth relationship should be. Please think about your children and put them 1st before you or her. They were traumatised by her and her kids last week, you need to end this now. You can do it, just say it's over and block her.

She’s being ridiculous. Don’t let yourself be blackmailed. Block her.

It’s all on her if she wants to hurt herself.

FFS OP put your kids first as any decent parent would!

SHE IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY NEITHER ARE HER CHILDREN.

Whatever happens in her life going forward has NOTHING to do with you.

Get a bloody backbone and get your kids away from this utter psycho.

Well if you needed any further evidence that moving in with her is a bad idea, she's handed you the cast iron case. You aren't responsible for her hurting herself (if indeed she carries the threat through) and she's deeply irresponsible and manipulative for putting that onto you. She's bad for you and your DC and you need to think way less about her well-being and prioritise your DC and your own. Use this as the reason to draw a line, stick to it, and get back to the balanced stable home you could provide for your family without her in the mix.