I don't want to live together.

[ItsTheCoo]

My partner of 9 months is pushing for us to live together and I simply don't want to. I had a messy divorce and now own a lovely little house with my children where we are very happy. Partner (f) lives in rented accommodation with their 2 children and wants us to rent together. Our children get on, but I think its too soon and I'm unsure if I ever want to live with a partner again. My partner is not happy about this but I just can't bear the thought of moving my 2 children (one with additional needs) out of our little bubble.

I'm considering walking away.

Absolutely don’t do anything tgat doesn’t feel right for you and your kids.

Ime when you leave a terrible marriage your senses are dulled. Your self esteem is shot.. It is easy to slip into another awful relationship..
The Silent Treatment is a recognised sign of abuse.. Time to call it a day op.

I once had a lovely little house where I lived happily. It was my safe haven after an abusive marriage.

Guess what happened next?! - because I didn't know what non-abusive relationships looked like, I had another 15 years of them.

In the end, I just had to move house to get away from it all.

It's taken me another 15 years to find my feet again. A home where you feel safe and happy is a rare treasure that you must protect at all costs.

Someone muscling in on that must be stopped at all costs.

She has already ruined your holiday, don't let her ruin your life!

Fannytenant! 🤣🙌

I agree with the general sentiment of the replies, OP: do not get manipulated. Your children and their wellbeing are far more important than any partner you'll ever have.

An absolute no. You are still in the very early stages of a relationship, it's only been 9 months. You don't know each other well enough to even consider living together. Personally, in your position, I would see the fact your partner is pushing for this so early on in the relationship, as a red flag. Is her tenancy up for renewal or something??! I would be very cautious going forward. Don't do anything you aren't 100% comfortable and if she doesn't like it, then tough. However, if you really don't want to live with anyone else again, you do need to be honest, because if this is something she wants in the future, and you don't, then ultimately you're not on the same page.

9 months in is way too soon to be pushing living together, especially with kids involved. They shouldn't even have met yet. This whole relationship is being rushed.

You're happy where you are with your two.

She's renting and has two of her own and is pushing to move in together after a mere 9 months.

Sorry, she has an agenda and it's not about love.

Giving you the silent treatment is an abuse tactic. She's manipulative. She doesn't like that you went on a holiday with your friends and she's showing that.

You don't even know each other after 9 months and she's rushing the relationship and using an abuse tactic when you do something she doesn't like. You have kids who will be affected by this.

Run. You're in another abusive relationship. Get therapy and do some research on red flags.

A minor issue perhaps, but I wondered on reading about "they've done loads for you", how many of those things you needed or even wanted, even if they were nice things. "It's OK, I'll take the bus," "no no, I insist on driving you", or buying you lavish presents out of the blue that you feel you have to show gratitude for; things that sound romantic but can be a bit of a bind. Early on it creates a feeling of obligation. Later it can even trap you because you've lost the habit of acting independently. Call me unromantic and all that but...

Stop caring if she is upset - that’s not your problem.
Enjoy your holiday and look forward to freeing yourself from this wannabe cocklodger!

They do loads for me so I feel ungrateful.

9 months in!?

Seriously, I would be stepping right away from this relationship

You are absolutely doing the right thing.

Youve been through a messy divorce and you now have a safe home for you and your children. It would not be fair (especially after 9 months) to upturn their life and routine again and make them live with three new people.

If your partner really loved you they would understand the need to want to take it slow but to be honest they sound like a cocklodger. It would be nice and convenient for them to move out of their rented accommodation and in with you.

As for giving you the silent treatment because you’re away on holiday, this screams emotional manipulation. No normal person in a healthy relationship does this.

As for them doing lots for you and you feeling grateful, this is probably part of their love bombing to make you feel like they’re the best thing in the world and you couldn’t possibly be without them.

put their messages on mute and archive the chat for the time away. Say you will message them when you get back. And then nothing more

@ItsTheCoo stand your ground and if they keep pushing this boundary - end it.

9 months is not long enough to really know someone and to uproot kids for.

9 months is nothing. Many people would think it was a bit soon to introduce your partner not to mind say move in together.

Honestly, I think you need to walk away. This is still the honeymoon period and she is behaving like this. She is abusive and it is not going to get any better. I normally would suggest breaking up in person but honestly with her I would just message her back that the relationship no longer works for you. Wish her well and ask her not to contact you again.

Whatever you do, do not move in with her and ruin your children's safe haven.

Just tell her she's too pushy and sulky and you've gone right off her, Bye, Have a Nice Life etc etc

Then block her

I would never live with another man to save my live not a chance.
I done it twice and never again.
The mess the clutter the cooking the chatting when i want to just binge on something.
The compromising sharing everything etc.
And the bloody words of do you know where xxx is i cant find it or i dont know what to do.
The list goes on really.
Its like having a kids the responsibility to look after each other fuck that.

I love living alone single and being selfish if i want sex ill hook up and fuck off home in the morning no feelings no attachments sometimes dont know their names.

I don't think I realised how draining this relationship was/is until coming away.

Just talk to her… she may be just romanticising and needs to time to catch up to the reality of relationships at this age and with kids. I used to think o just wanted to live in with someone (as that’s what I’d have done when younger) and it took a while to wake up to the reality of living alone with my DC is what I want

Oops double post

Sorry to be sounding off to you all but I can't talk to anyone I'm away with as my kids haven't left my side!

That’s what MN is for - yes there’s a lot of brutal honesty when needed but it’s a place for women to sound off and support each other.

I think this holiday has shown you that this isn’t working for you. I think you need to mute her while you’re away, concentrate on having b a chill with your DC and make your decisions when you’re back home. Put her on the back burner and enjoy your family time

Nine months is much too soon when kids are involved. She's actually being very irresponsible.

Feel free to offload. As I know you prob can’t mention to your friends ect as well.

OP like so many others on here advising you that this new partner may not be the healthiest, they are right. It sounds more like you are attached to her for various reasons, and this partner is trying to condition you into what they are comfortable with, by telling you what they want, while ignoring your own comfort. Its way too soon to be expressing this and if you decide to stay with this individual, you will be more than just anxious, you will be a wreak in your own home. Cut your losses, there is so much more to life than being directed by someone you have known for 9 months. And go out and enjoy the holiday. You deserve it.

That comment says it all. She drains you and that’s not healthy or love. Please listen to the posters like myself who say that she’s abusive. My DP was in a relationship exactly the same and trapped. He tried to talk to friends but felt dismissed as his friends just casually spoke of women liking their own way. This normalised the control and coercion until it broke him. I receive same treatment but my friends saw it and regularly called it out. There’s not enough support for men in these circumstances but there is a website that I’ll try to find and I’ll link it for you once I do. Keep posting; Mumsnet was a lifeline for me when I was in the same situation even though it took years to leave, I’ll never forget the sound advice I was given. I only wished I’d taken it earlier before settling down with my abusive ex

@totallyoutnumbered you are 100% correct. My partner was also in a ln abusive relationship with his ex. He went to counselling - I feel he was preyed upon as he’s sweet and sensitive.