DH is outside, caught in a lie

[Wishthereweremorecrumpets]

Apologies, I’m currently shaking. I’ve just realised I’ve caught out DH in lies as to where he’s been. DH works nights and often six days a week, returning back late at the weekend. He’s told me he’s been going out with a friend a few times as he’s been signed off work following minor surgery. He said he went out with him last night before his mate goes off on holiday. Well, I get on well with his friend so just text him to say have a wonderful trip and asked when he’s off. Turns out he’s already there and was asking how DH is after his surgery.
I feel like such an absolute mug to believe he would be getting in at 6am with mates, he is a night owl because of the night shifts but I’m an idiot.
He’s out again now and not answering the phone. We’ve two DC 7 and 2, not in or from the same country either. Any hand holds?

The best gift you can give your own children is your own happiness. All you would be doing is setting up the pattern that they will observe growing up of how women should be treated in relationships. In other words having to put up with an erosion of self, a
diminishment of self for the good of the relationship. They will be likely doomed to repeat the cycle…

What are the legal problems about divorce and also to him marrying again. A #2 Wife as well as you? Does that still happen?

I still don’t think it’s good to run away with children so they grow up not knowing their dad as he’s possibly cheated on their mum? Unless it’s absolutely necessary and she or they are in danger

I believe that in Islamic countries, Muslim men are allowed by law to take up to four wives at a time (and can also divorce them and “replace” them quite easily), as long as they are able to provide well for them and any offspring of their marriage. So yes, @Fizzer5, it does indeed still happen. Look no further than the current Sheikh of Dubai.

I think if you don't want to or can't leave then your best to say nothing. What's the point in a confrontation. It will just make the atmosphere shit for DC. If you want to leave you'll have to play nice and construct a reason for you all to come back as a family to live here. Maybe sick or elderly parents needing cate or an excellent job offer. Realistically, there you have absolutely no power and DC will stay with dad if he can be arse to look after him.

Exactly. We are all assuming he wants to stay in the marriage, but what if he doesn't? OP, you need a plan for if he decides to leave you.

Are either of your children female? If so, if I was you, looking at the situation you find yourself in, I would be keen to return them to the UK permanently. Would you want your daughter in this position?

Like others I am concerned about the potential child custody issues around divorcing a Muslim man in a Muslim country.

Hard to advise without knowing the country but presume you researched this before deciding to go there so perhaps it’s not one where this could be an issue? If you didn’t, now is very much the time to find out everything you need to know.

Good luck OP, I really feel for you. Let us know what happens x

I said everyone has to get permission even if you are british returning to britain and pointed out my relative is male

?? that is not true?! Bizarre you keep saying that. On a work visa yes but otherwise not at all.

You said mothers are highly regarded, clearly they are not! Heavens or no heavens the inequality is fucking brutal - as you well know.

Do whatever you need to do OP.
Detaching emotionally as you are not around each other much would be wise.
Protect yourself and find out where you stand.
I wish you well.
Many women look the other way so as not to disrupt their childrens lives.
Do whatever feels right for you now.

British Embassy ? Can they advise or at least you can log your predicament ? Anyone got info on mn ? Consulate services or embassy services ? Surely this is what they are for helping uk citizens in trouble...i.e. need to leave country and what rights they do/dont have and how to etc.