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Original poster

How do I tell a man I want sex?

190 replies

Hmmmwhatshallipostabout · 02/08/2025 18:36

I have met a guy online. Exchanged pictures of each other last week. We both feel something for each other and yesterday met up irl. It was a fantastic date, we got on so well. But at the end of the night he didn’t invite me back to his hotel room. I would definitely have gone back with him had he invited me but instead he took me to my station for me to catch the tube back home!

How do I now tell him for our next date I want to rip his clothes off and have mind blowing sex?
he never steers the conversation in flirty or dangerous territory so I feel it’s upon me to do so.

this is the first man I have spoken to since my separation from husband a year ago so I know alot of it has to do with that.

any helpful hints from you all in this predicament of mine are greatly appreciated!

OP posts:
foxy735 · 03/08/2025 21:21

Going back to your original post on how to tell him you want sex.

I would suggest getting more sexual in your messages with him to let him know what you want. If that doesn’t work and he still doesn’t ask you to his hotel room, then try inviting yourself (“What does your room look like? I’d love to see it…”). And if all else fails, just stick your hand down his pants.

PepsiMaxCherryAddict · 03/08/2025 21:33

foxy735 · 03/08/2025 21:21

Going back to your original post on how to tell him you want sex.

I would suggest getting more sexual in your messages with him to let him know what you want. If that doesn’t work and he still doesn’t ask you to his hotel room, then try inviting yourself (“What does your room look like? I’d love to see it…”). And if all else fails, just stick your hand down his pants.

Please tell me that sticking her hands down his pants isn’t a serious suggestion?

Rosiecidar · 03/08/2025 22:58

I think in OLD he might want to meet other people before sex because for some people that puts an end into OLD so perhaps he's just not wanting to rush into anything while keeping his options open

GentleJadeOP · 04/08/2025 08:03

HerNotIndoorsAlltheTime · 03/08/2025 17:41

It's quite sad that you feel the need to be rude to posters who've been honest and tried to help you.

Is it really good behaviour to call posters 'bitchy selves' when they are trying to give an honest opinion?

Mostly, we've all said the same thing and I've emphasised that you should be honest with this man to ensure you're on the same page.

My experience of OLD is limited to what friends have done and told me.
Having helped a few with their profiles, I know it's standard to be honest about what you want - either a hook-up, FWB or a serious relationship.

You've made it clear here that you don't want a LTR . That's 100% fine. But PLEASE don't string this guy along. He's already spent a good chunk of money on seeing you. If all you want is sex, choose one of the many sites people use.

That way, you won't get into lengthy chats, develop 'feelings for each other' through phone calls. You'll just meet, have a drink and have sex.

Hard to know if you're confused over what you really want.

Edited

Agreed. The poor bloke probably thinks he’s being respectful and building up the relationship before they jump into bed. I think OP needs to go a sex site instead for a hook up one night stand. Crazy to think on the first date she’s complaining about no sex. One night stands in my opinion/experience feel awful and grubby afterwards, especially if you are already feeling vulnerable

dylexicdementor11 · 04/08/2025 08:22

BunnyLake · 03/08/2025 18:04

I think you’re being a bit up yourself thinking you are living rent free in people’s head, you’re not that interesting 😄. No judgement about wanting sex for sex’s sake though as long as both know it.

Show quote history

What an unkind thing to say.

BunnyLake · 04/08/2025 09:29

dylexicdementor11 · 04/08/2025 08:22

What an unkind thing to say.

Show quote history

No it’s not. Thinking you are living ‘rent free’ inside people’s heads sounds pretty egotistical to me, especially considering it’s a forum that is composed of questions, answers and opinions.

BunnyLake · 04/08/2025 09:33

foxy735 · 03/08/2025 21:21

Going back to your original post on how to tell him you want sex.

I would suggest getting more sexual in your messages with him to let him know what you want. If that doesn’t work and he still doesn’t ask you to his hotel room, then try inviting yourself (“What does your room look like? I’d love to see it…”). And if all else fails, just stick your hand down his pants.

Do you tell men to stick their hands down a woman’s knickers to see if they’re up for it? I’d put that down as sexual assault if the recipient is not.

CreationNat1on · 05/08/2025 11:38

Woman reveals she is horny and asks for communication advice.

People respond to the open conversation.

Some men pass her secret notes, and start private 1:1 dialogue.

All consenting adults, nothing wrong with that.

Poo faced, open conversation) self appointed police, describe woman as "desperate" and men as "predatory".

People are allowed to flirt, proposition others. Women are not desperate for being sexually curious or having a libido.

The vagina is not some sacred space that must be conquered via a steep hike and a convoluted pilgrimage.

OP : I ld say, "hey, looking forward to seeing you again, you are welcome to stay at mine, happy to go out or have a quiet night at home. Have a great day"

BTW - I'm a middle aged casual dater, and I ve received all the mysogynistic "desperate" comments too. Nope I am not desperate, I just enjoy the fun of dating and sometimes sex. Grown adults, we can all do whatever we like.

daisychain01 · 05/08/2025 19:41

Grown adults, we can all do whatever we like.

yes absolutely, and for that matter "grown adults" don't need to come onto a forum like this and act like a teenager. Like we gas what their sex drive is, boring!!

Anyway, it seems like the OP has got bored of flaunting how emancipated they are and gagging to grab hold of this poor bloke's tackle. It's pathetic. Not enough eye-rolls 🙄

shuggles · 05/08/2025 20:56

@Hmmmwhatshallipostabout But at the end of the night he didn’t invite me back to his hotel room.
he never steers the conversation in flirty or dangerous territory

Of course he wouldn't do these things. Why would he? It's considered creepy and not socially acceptable.

If you want to move things in that direction, the onus is on you to do so.

HerNotIndoorsAlltheTime · 05/08/2025 21:11

No update from the OP on another date? @Hmmmwhatshallipostabout

VivIsBlonde · 06/08/2025 08:04

Sodthesystem · 02/08/2025 22:46

Realistically, do you think men who don't respect women because they have sex early on, just like they have, EVER respect women?

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They’ll have more respect for the lady if they wasn’t so desperate

dylexicdementor11 · 06/08/2025 08:32

VivIsBlonde · 06/08/2025 08:04

They’ll have more respect for the lady if they wasn’t so desperate

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FFS- if a man stops respecting women he has slept with - the man is clearly a shithead.

Notoloasy · 06/08/2025 13:45

Allelbowsandtoes · 02/08/2025 18:45

If a woman posted here to say that a man she'd been on one date with had said this to her everyone would think he was a cheeky fucker. Being honest and open is great but this is massively presumptuous. Maybe op should find out first if he is actually attracted to her and up for sex?

Show quote history

@Allelbowsandtoes You are wrong in your presumption - I wouldn't judge a man for posting the same. Sex is natural, normal. Even on the first date. Stop being so prudish.

GentleJadeOP · 06/08/2025 16:24

shuggles · 05/08/2025 20:56

@Hmmmwhatshallipostabout But at the end of the night he didn’t invite me back to his hotel room.
he never steers the conversation in flirty or dangerous territory

Of course he wouldn't do these things. Why would he? It's considered creepy and not socially acceptable.

If you want to move things in that direction, the onus is on you to do so.

I agree. Unless she met him on an adult sex site it would be acceptable. Otherwise perfectly normal and acceptable behaviour on first date to not go grabbing and groping the woman. If men did that on first date they would also come in for criticism on MNet

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