How do I tell a man I want sex?

[Hmmmwhatshallipostabout]

I have met a guy online. Exchanged pictures of each other last week. We both feel something for each other and yesterday met up irl. It was a fantastic date, we got on so well. But at the end of the night he didn’t invite me back to his hotel room. I would definitely have gone back with him had he invited me but instead he took me to my station for me to catch the tube back home!

How do I now tell him for our next date I want to rip his clothes off and have mind blowing sex?
he never steers the conversation in flirty or dangerous territory so I feel it’s upon me to do so.

this is the first man I have spoken to since my separation from husband a year ago so I know alot of it has to do with that.

any helpful hints from you all in this predicament of mine are greatly appreciated!

Bournemouth to London is a relatively short distance - a day trip for a first date would have been very do-able.

Booking a hotel room implies he was hedging his bets as to whether there would be sex. Maybe there was no chemistry on his part.

I'm sure there will be plenty of men who do want to have sex with you before long, maybe just not this one.

Did he message asking if you got home safely?

Agree with @newbutoldfather.You’re not really talking about him as a human being with feelings of his own, rather as means to your own end.

It’s not his fault you haven’t had sex for a long time and it’s not his responsibility to end your drought.

Did he reply?

I think your confidence may have terrified him OP!

Maybe him saying you are out of his league was a hint? That you are too much for him. Or he was hoping you'd deny it and say how attractive you thought he was. "Laughing it off" implies you agree with him.

Maybe it was your 'normal self' that scared him?

I think you have to accept that if he was really keen he'd text you and arrange another date, not use an excuse he was 'busy'.

Get a grip- and not that sort!

Honestly, you texted him at midnight?

No idea of your dating or relationship history but you're coming over as desperate and will frighten a lot of men off.

I know it's maybe considered old-fashioned, but men do like to feel they have to make an effort and 'win' a woman. The 'chase' is part of the appeal.

That doesn't mean women have to be totally passive but in general men like to feel they have to step up.

I think the 'out of his league' comments may be a kindly way of saying you're not for him, for whatever reason.

Yep I truly can’t believe you texted him at midnight - I know you’ve been out of the game for a bit but this will put off most men, even the players. Please stop and move on. Take this guy as “practice” and behave normally next time I beg you

I know it's maybe considered old-fashioned, but men do like to feel they have to make an effort and 'win' a woman. The 'chase' is part of the appeal.
That doesn't mean women have to be totally passive but in general men like to feel they have to step up.

I agree. However there’s no harm in the woman sending ONE text after a date, if she wants to pursue things.

If he likes you, one text at midnight won't stop things.

It's the 2020s, not 1985.

I'm a man OP

It sounds to me like you have found one of the decent ones, I'd like to think of myself as one too.

I wouldn't want sex on a first date myself - when I was dating a few years back I was looking for a serious relationship, not a roll in the hay. I think the kind of guys who will jump into bed the same first day are those more likely to then ghost you and vanish.

It seems to me he probably genuinely wants to get to know you a bit first. Some of us chaps are quite shy as well, if I were you I would make the first move next time and kiss him - but don't expect that he will want to jump in the sack that day either.

As I say, on the face of it, he sounds like a decent man who is putting in a lot of effort (travel, hotels etc) and its a great sign he's not looking for one thing, go slow and steady, could be the start of great things.

It took me and my partner 3 months of dating / kissing etc before we went away for a weekend break and frankly haven't stopped since!! we were both looking for long term and wanted it all to mean something rather than just being a dopamine hit.

Maybe you came over too needy or maybe he just wasn't into you. I've never ended a date that was that good with just a hug.

It’s not a good sign that you didn’t hear from him at all for a full 24hrs after the date ended. Nobody is so busy that they can’t spare 30 seconds to send a quick text.

Has he replied to this message yet?

1. There were no things as texts in 1985 or mobiles. We waited for a phone call - or called them.
2. Men are still men whether it's 1885, 1985 or 2025.

Where did you meet him OP?
If you’re not looking for a relationship, and just want to DTD, I would go on FabSwingers or Feeld - you don’t have to tip toe around your intentions then, no second guessing.
He may well be looking for a long term relationship and so is taking it slow and being respectful - if this isn’t what you’re after then you should have that conversation.

I think you need to slow down 😅. He’s not initiating so probably wants to get to know you a bit first

What’s the rush? To drink is a small matter, to be thirsty is everything.

Also agree with the poster above mine. You need to be more clear about what you want to attract the right sort of person. Yours either wants a longer term thing and is shy or is still married and chickened out this time. Time will tell which

Maybe he'd been holding in farts all day, and just wanted to head back to his own room and let it all out.

You are not taking into account what he wants, OP. You simply want to be sexually satisfied by him. He wasn't interested. If he does have sex with you it'll be the last time you see him.

Do you know he wants something casual, because the way you are currently thinking comes across like you're more sexually motivated than you are about actually getting to know him. He might actually like you enough to want to take things more slowly, and you could seriously ruin a good thing by galloping ahead.

That did cross my mind that he’s not into me physically. It makes sense I suppose as to why he never took me to his room. I just hope it’s not that

Well, there would be a lot of women, myself included, that would bump him in a nanosecond if he did suggest this, indicating he was just in it for the sex. Maybe he’s a gentleman who is in it for something more. What a shame🙄.

As a man on Mumsnet, I'd feel a profound sense of relief at knowing where I stand.

It sound like you've only had one proper date, so it's not surprising he didn't make a move. If he's interested, he'll have been waiting for some kind of signal from you. I've not been single for 20 odd years, but from what a few friends have said in conversation recently, they tend to wait for women to make the first move, as they don't want to risk crossed wires. (Which is a good thing)

If you don't want to make the first move physically, then you're going to have to just tell him. And I'll give the standard disclaimer - Men are oblivious. We can't usually tell when a woman wants us, so be direct and say exactly what your after. "Shall we go up to yours for coffee" will result in coffee. "I'd like to sleep with you tonight" on the other hand should just about be clear enough.

Well the good news is he msgd back straightaway last night which is awesome, today we’re msging back and forth also. He mentioned he enjoyed us meeting and had fun and wants to do it again. Makes me feel at peace knowing I didn’t put him off in some shape or form!
I think once we finalise plans on where we’re meeting next time I’ll figure out how to mention me going back to his/hotel/or mine.