How do I tell a man I want sex?

[Hmmmwhatshallipostabout]

I have met a guy online. Exchanged pictures of each other last week. We both feel something for each other and yesterday met up irl. It was a fantastic date, we got on so well. But at the end of the night he didn’t invite me back to his hotel room. I would definitely have gone back with him had he invited me but instead he took me to my station for me to catch the tube back home!

How do I now tell him for our next date I want to rip his clothes off and have mind blowing sex?
he never steers the conversation in flirty or dangerous territory so I feel it’s upon me to do so.

this is the first man I have spoken to since my separation from husband a year ago so I know alot of it has to do with that.

any helpful hints from you all in this predicament of mine are greatly appreciated!

I think it’s a good sign that he was ‘a gentleman’. Assuming you’re looking for a potential relationship and not just a one night stand that is, but then I think the messaging would indicate that before meeting up. He was respectful. Take that as a positive for now and gently push things towards sex in a couple dates time.

I don't think you can go from chatting straight to sex. Surely you start with kissing then take it from there?

A long ago ex of mine asked if I wanted to come back for breakfast one evening early on in our aquaintance after we'd been snogging at the station. I liked the way he said it but didn't feel ready on that occasion and he was perfectly nice about it, and we did get together not long after.

So you could try inviting him / yourself for breakfast.

I’m half tempted to invite him back to mine next time. He hasn’t messaged me today but he did mention he’s got a lot on.

Hmm I’m not leaning towards a relationship per se more ‘ah there’s my friend who I also have sex with’ 😂

I’m a man on MN…

Just flirt with him in texts, joke/flirt about coming to his hotel room. If he reciprocates in the messages and flirts back about it, on the next date, at the end just say “are you going to show me your hotel room then”.

Remember, whilst there are blokes out there that would have sex with a lamppost, many are respectful and won’t want to pressure until they 100% know the person they are dating is ready.

If he’s not been flirty, didn’t try to kiss you or take you back I’d wonder if he was on the same wavelength? I’d be tempted to drop a message like, the date was fun.. maybe next time I could stay over? At least then you’d know.

I would wait another few dates tbh. He might get the ick if you're too forward. It's good to get to know each other before jumping into bed. Keep it nice and simple for now. It'll be much more exciting and hopefully worth the wait when it happens.
And maybe buy an electronic friend in the meantime so you contain yourself 🤣

Have you talked sexually? Do you have an idea if there is a sexual connection between you? Have there been any passionate kisses? It's odd if you just tell him you want sex with him right here, right now if there's been nothing for him to think that's the case. Most men won't turn down sex if they're attracted to the woman and it's offered on a plate but he might be looking for something serious and being respectful.

Have you even kissed him yet?

Mind blowing sex is highly unlikely even with someone who you are in love with let alone a practical stranger. Most of the time they won't even be bothered to get you off.

It's usually all downhill after a bit of snogging.

And even that is sometimes shit. And usually an indicator other things will be too.

Hm, I went out with someone (dating for the first time after many years) last year and the conversation at the end was (from him) - I like you and I would like to see you again.
Second date he went for a kiss at the end (and after my many years of singledom, I was mainly thinking, oh my God, I am actually kissing someone again, didn’t think I would do that 😂. He was an excellent kisser, btw).
He brought up sex after date three or four, I think.
First date seems a bit quick for me but each to their own. I would progress to second date first and see what happens.

First date! He’s just being normal and respectful

How do you know that you feel something for each other if you've only just met?

Is it unusual for a man not even to attempt a kiss after a first date?

Smile at him and be friendly. I’ve learnt that to many men, this means ‘I want to have sex with you’. This can be the case if you do want to have sex with them, or not.

Every man I know who's dated in the last few years will wait for the woman to make the first sexual move, or at least give them a massively obvious signal. I think for a lot of decent men, MeToo opened their eyes and they don't want to harass a woman who isn't up for it. I think this is a great development, personally. It absolutely doesn't mean he's not into you!

I’ve just asked my partner, because male I am not.

He said to show him your tits. I recognise that’s not helpful.

He did also say to just tell him you were “disappointed not to get the opportunity to see his hotel room last time.” Maybe more helpful.

He's not messaged you at all? I'd find that a bit strange, given you spent the day together yesterday.
After my first date with my partner, we messaged that very night and all the next day. Even a couple of messages today would be expected.

If he hasn’t messaged you since the date and ended it with a polite hug I would say you might not see him again I’m afraid.

Could be married? This could be his weekend with the kids?

If you do have sex are you ok with it just being a one off? There's so many stories of being ghosted after sex

It depends on what both of your expectations are. Are you both looking for something casual? I think his behaviour is really respectful and not presumptuous. Have you guys had any conversations about intimacy and the kinds of things you both like? It's a bit much to not speak about it at all and then expect the guy to be inviting you over on the first date itself. You need to be clear with him as to what you are looking for- fwb or fuck buddy or dating?

Why on earth would you jump to this from the info in the OP. Batshit.

Huh? Wow. You’ve not had a lot of good sex have you.

Sorry but no one has so much on that they can’t message, if he doesn’t message today unfortunately he’s not interested. Sorry OP

Bit of a cheeky leap there.

It's just facts that most one night stands aren't going to be particularly good. It takes time to get to know people's bodies, what they like, what works for them. Not to mention you may find he isn't interested in taking any instruction. If it's a one off fling then he may not give a shit about your pleasure.

To answer a few of you:

@RH1234
i was thinking of flirting with him next time he messages. I am grateful he’s being respectful but im at the stage of just wanting to have my clothes ripped off and being satisfied by a man. It’s not like im wanting a ltr with him. I guess I just need to verbalise all this to him otherwise I can see myself getting bored real quick with him.

@pushthebuttonnn
this is where im struggling within myself, I want to be forthcoming but not to the extent where I come across desperate.

ha! I’ve already got my trusted wand 😉

@SunflowerLife
our conversations online have never been sexual. When we exchanged our photos he said I look beautiful and believes im out of his league. Last night he joked the same thing over dinner and that’s as far as it went.

@Sodthesystem
i was having mind blowing sex with my husband until we completely separated. I’m very confident sexually and not ashamed to let a man know how I’d want to be pleasured. Sex is for both of our enjoyments, right? Not just the man’s!

@SleeplessInWherever
😝 I’ll be sure to get them out next time 😂

aah this is more helpful yes, I may say that to him.

@MamaorBruh
im not going to overthink why he’s not messaged me today, he did say he had a lot on including get back home to Bournemouth. I’ll give it until Monday then I’ll maybe message him myself.