How do I tell a man I want sex?

[Hmmmwhatshallipostabout]

I have met a guy online. Exchanged pictures of each other last week. We both feel something for each other and yesterday met up irl. It was a fantastic date, we got on so well. But at the end of the night he didn’t invite me back to his hotel room. I would definitely have gone back with him had he invited me but instead he took me to my station for me to catch the tube back home!

How do I now tell him for our next date I want to rip his clothes off and have mind blowing sex?
he never steers the conversation in flirty or dangerous territory so I feel it’s upon me to do so.

this is the first man I have spoken to since my separation from husband a year ago so I know alot of it has to do with that.

any helpful hints from you all in this predicament of mine are greatly appreciated!

Great update, OP. Have fun!

When you make plans, if he talks about hotels just say
’you can stay at mine if you want’

If you were a man 'plotting' how to get a woman into bed, after one date, how do you think the responses here would be?

I hate to put it like this but you come over as treating him as a piece of meat.

Your posts focus solely on getting sex, not how compatible you were emotionally or intellectually (although there was a nod to 'talking for hours'.)

We both feel something for each other and yesterday met up irl
You can't feel something for a man you've chatted to and messaged online for a short time.

I'd rather a man pursued me for sex and showed his hand first, rather than me asking anons how to get him into bed.

If he likes you as much as you like him you won't have to ask unless he's incredibly shy. If you push things too fast you risk him running for the hills.

Be clear what you're looking for- a proper relationship or someone to end your year of sexual drought. Kindly, it's possible you're getting over invested too soon If this is your first date in a year and you were married for a long time, it's ages since you were dating. You might be a bit out of practise with how it works.

If you're 2 hours away by train, how's that going to work longer term?

Are you going to be upfront with him about what you’re looking for with him?

I am grateful he’s being respectful but im at the stage of just wanting to have my clothes ripped off and being satisfied by a man. It’s not like im wanting a ltr with him. I guess I just need to verbalise all this to him otherwise I can see myself getting bored real quick with him.

Tbh OP, ”a man” sounds like it could be literally any man. Had you specified you’re not looking for a relationship on your profile? If he doesn’t know you’re only interested in FWB, he might be taking it slowly because he’s hoping this will develop into a relationship.

I think you need to get your expectations out in the open before he travels to meet you and pays for a hotel again - not because you might “get bored real quick”, but because you could be leading him on just so he’ll have sex with you, without taking into account/caring that he has feelings too.

There’d be some pretty strong opinions if the sexes were reversed on this one.

It’s not like im wanting a ltr with him. I guess I just need to verbalise all this to him otherwise I can see myself getting bored real quick with him.

I missed this as it was part of a quote within a longer post of yours.

TBH you're being very unfair, unless this man knows you're only looking for sex and a FWB.

It's rather odd how on the one hand you say you talked- and could talk again - for hours. Yet here you say you can see yourself 'getting bored real quick'.

Bit of a difference?

If you just want sex, and FWB,s go to a site for that.

This man has 2 children, he's paid the train fares for Bournemouth to London and a hotel, so maybe around £200+ in total, including drinks or food over the day.

If he's looking for a relationship and you just want someone to give you an orgasm (as per your previous post) , at least let him know.

Having read all the above posts I guess I do come across like it’s all about my needs and not his. Last thing I ever want to do is hurt someone by not being upfront with them.

from coming out of a long relationship for years and now ready to date, have sex with other men im excited and navigating it best way I can.
whats so strange is that quite a few men on MN have PM’d me and we’ve struck up nice conversations. I know I need to keep my wits about me but it’s just harmless fun.

Yeah, the sort of man who starts PM'ing a woman on Mumsnet just because she's started a thread about sex, is probably not a decent bloke.

How old are you @Hmmmwhatshallipostabout

@VimesandhisCardboardBoots
Just because a guy sends a private message after someone posts about sex doesn’t automatically make him a bad person. Maybe he just wanted to talk more privately or share something he didn’t feel comfortable posting publicly. Not every man who does that has creepy or bad intentions, some might just be curious or trying to connect in a respectful way.
It’s important to look at how the message was written and what it said before jumping to conclusions. Not all private messages are dodgy, and not all guys who send them are being inappropriate.

He may be a man but he’s still a human being so just make sure he knows exactly what the score is before (not after) you’ve slept with him. I can’t even begin to imagine the responses on here if a man said he’d get pretty bored quick with a nice woman he could talk to for hours if she wasn’t going to go to bed with him by the second date. There’s nothing wrong in only wanting sex as long as you’re both fully aware of it.

You sound quite naive. You post about wanting someone to ‘’rip your clothes off’’ and wanting to enjoy yourself and get several random men messaging you and it doesn’t make you question their motives. You’re coming across so desperate for sex that you might end up in a sticky situation here!

You can’t believe that surely! They are breaking site rules because they want to talk about (and possibly have) sex with you because they think you are desperate.

how disrespectful is that? Please consider reporting them and they will be deleted.

You’re assuming the men that have PM’d me are talking about sex. Thats not the case.

Oh they will…

You weren’t talking about sex with the guy you’ve been chatting to/met recently either…but that’s what your end goal was.

People are warning you to be careful because we can reasonably assume these men are likely to have ulterior motives: they’ve decided to send you private messages after you announced that you’re desperate for sex.

Have many women PM’d you to discuss this thread privately? Is it it mostly/only men?

If you’re determined to continue those conversations, it would be wise to at least keep the messages on here - don’t give out your number.

He is being a gentleman. You might put him off if you are too forward. It depends what you want for this.

If you’ve started a thread that literally has ‘’I want sex’’ written in the title in bold letters and you’ve been explicitly clear that you want your date to rip your clothes off after you’ve only met once but he doesn’t appear interested and has said you’re out of his league, then suddenly, off the back of this very thread, several men private message you, why do you think that might be? They are chancing their arm that they might be in with a shout with an attractive and up for it woman who doesn’t seem overly fussed about who she has sex with at the moment.

I think you know this deep down and don’t really care. You made sure you told us that you are getting PMs from men as if you enjoy the attention and wanted to make that information public, and now you’re being told to be careful you don’t want to hear it and are making excuses. Good luck anyway.

To be fair, if she wants sex and people offer her or message about sex, I don’t see the problem.

They might be “after one thing,” but the woman wants sex so that’s probably actually fine. If she doesn’t want it with specific people, she can say no.. right?

I’m most probably coming across different on here to how I normally am irl. I can assure you even though I’m ready to date, have sex with other men after a year of processing my separation from husband it doesn’t make me vulnerable or in danger.
i appreciate the concern but it’s coming off rather condescending by most of you women. Of course I’m not going to bloody give these men my phone number! Like wtaf! I’ve noticed that any fun a woman has and voices it she classed as naive or desperate.

Good for you - go get it. I’m assuming as a grown adult you know how to be safe, so have the best time!

But that’s what OLD or hookup sites are for? Or meeting irl. Why would you want to talk about sex with an anonymous male poster who could look like shrek or be a convicted rapist?

These men are specifically targeting her because she sounds naive, desperate and vulnerable. That in itself is a red flag.

There's nothing wrong with having fun but warning you to be careful is good advice. If you put a thread on the Internet stating that you're looking for sex, then obviously men are going to respond to that. They are desperate because they don't even know what you look like and that probably doesn't even matter to them.

Would love it if you read my previous posts rather than assuming. I’ll repeat again for you. No one has PM’d me about sex specifically, this may be the case for you, I don’t know, but stop assuming it’s like that for everyone. As for their intention in pm’ing me in the first place, who gives a shit!

Jeez chill, maybe he wants to take it slow....or at a normal pace! Do you just want sex or are you looking for a relationship?

Would love it if you read my previous posts rather than assuming. I’ll repeat again for you. No one has PM’d me about sex specifically, this may be the case for you, I don’t know, but stop assuming it’s like that for everyone. As for their intention in pm’ing me in the first place, who gives a shit!

No, but they will. They are playing the longer game because they know you may report them or block them.
MN isn't a hook up site.

You've been pretty descriptive about what you want (my orgasm first, please guys) and then you'll do XYZ to them. It's a given that there are creeps reading MN who prey on women.

Anyway, back to Mr Bournemouth.
If you don't want a LTR and just sex, you need to make this very clear on your online profile. Otherwise you're being unfair.

He's a Dad, with 2 kids, he lives 2 hours away by train, he spent close to £200 I assume on fares, food and hotel. If all you want is sex, don't play games. If all he wants is sex he can get it in Bournemouth without the hassle of travel and cost.

How old are you?