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Original poster

Would you forgive this or is it a red flag?

259 replies

ConcernedAndConfused94 · 02/08/2025 09:55

Name-changed for obvious reasons.

My boyfriend and I have been together a year. He’s lovely mostly, thoughtful, good with my friends, remembers the small things. But something happened last night that’s niggling at me and I just need to know if I’m being silly.

We were at a friend’s dinner party and I went to get us drinks from the kitchen. I came back and overheard him mid-conversation telling a story about how we met. He had this whole embellished version, which I know people do sometimes, but then he said I work in finance (I don’t, I’m a teaching assistant) and that I went to private school. I didn’t. I went to a very average state school.

Later I asked him why he said that and he just laughed and said it just sounds better doesn’t it. Like it was nothing. I didn’t push it at the time but it’s really stuck in my head.

It’s not even just the lie. It’s the way he felt the need to make me sound more “impressive” or something. Is that a bit gross or am I reading too much into it? I don’t want to cause drama if it’s just a weird throwaway thing.

Would this bother anyone else?

OP posts:
LucyMonth · 02/08/2025 20:00

He doesn’t see you as a serious, long term partner.

If he did, how is this supposed to play out? You’re married with kids in 10 years time and still have to lie every time his friends are around about your schooling and job? Do you have to prep your Mum for your wedding day so she knows not to mention she was single Mum and you grew up on a council estate? Do you have to make sure you don’t invite any friends from school incase his lie is found out?

You’re a bit of fun for now but he’ll settle down with someone he takes more seriously. Sorry OP.

Clarabell77 · 02/08/2025 20:03

Two massive red flags for me. A snob and a liar.

Missj25 · 02/08/2025 20:07

ConcernedAndConfused94 · 02/08/2025 09:55

Name-changed for obvious reasons.

My boyfriend and I have been together a year. He’s lovely mostly, thoughtful, good with my friends, remembers the small things. But something happened last night that’s niggling at me and I just need to know if I’m being silly.

We were at a friend’s dinner party and I went to get us drinks from the kitchen. I came back and overheard him mid-conversation telling a story about how we met. He had this whole embellished version, which I know people do sometimes, but then he said I work in finance (I don’t, I’m a teaching assistant) and that I went to private school. I didn’t. I went to a very average state school.

Later I asked him why he said that and he just laughed and said it just sounds better doesn’t it. Like it was nothing. I didn’t push it at the time but it’s really stuck in my head.

It’s not even just the lie. It’s the way he felt the need to make me sound more “impressive” or something. Is that a bit gross or am I reading too much into it? I don’t want to cause drama if it’s just a weird throwaway thing.

Would this bother anyone else?

I wouldn’t like it OP , the biggest part of the story for me would be that he is a liar , I like geuine people, i mean friends don’t seem to mean much to him to be honest, i couldn’t imagine any situation where i would be sitting with my friends & any of us would tell stupid lies ! It just sounds bizarre !
There is like a fickleness or something to him ..

whitewineandsun · 02/08/2025 20:07

He doesn't think you're good enough. I wouldn't be able to look at him the same. Or want to at all.

"It just sounds better, doesn't it?" So gross. It's honestly gross.

Stirlingo · 02/08/2025 20:09

Red flag to lie about your life, red flag to laugh it off. Basic lack of integrity and casual relationship with the truth.

These are fundamental, non-negotiable factors for me.

PixiePuffBall · 02/08/2025 20:09

He is embarrassed by you. I would end the relationship

aLittleWhiteHorse · 02/08/2025 20:09

Don’t stay with a liar.

You will never be able to trust him.

MadMadaMim · 02/08/2025 20:12

He lies and doesn't see an issue

'It sounds better ' = the actual real version isn't good enough

Red flags with sirens blaring

Nevertooearlyforsanta · 02/08/2025 20:14

If he’s lying about you, he’s lying too you! With respect, that would give me the ick! Unrecoverable.

LeighTTC2021 · 02/08/2025 20:20

I find that so odd it would never even occur to me to do that. Definitely a red flag.

Julimia · 02/08/2025 20:20

Oh would it bother me?? I would be both very cross ,and very hurt. What else has been turned over and where? Does he not think you are good enough? If so it's his loss.

TicklishMintDuck · 02/08/2025 20:21

This would definitely bother me. What’s wrong with the truth? If you see them again you’ll have to carry on with his lies.

Horsie · 02/08/2025 20:22

That's really, really weird and would give me a huge ick. Everything about that scene contradicts my values. If yours, too, then I'd end it. It smacks of someone obsessed with status, and, worse, thinks it's OK to tell huge lies to make out that they're "better" than they are. It's shallow, smarmy, and makes him seem like a snake-oil sales conman. Ew, ew, ew.

WearyAuldWumman · 02/08/2025 20:22

It would bother me.

I had a BF who told me that he wasn't introducing me to a particular friend because he thought that said friend would disapprove of my foreign surname...

whitewineandsun · 02/08/2025 20:23

I would also wonder what lies he has told about you to other people. Not a chance I would believe he hasn't, seeing as he thinks it's nothing much.

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 02/08/2025 20:23

There is that saying, who would you rather have in your home, a thief or a liar? Always the thief as it’s easy to lock things away so they can’t steal - but a liar lies all the time and you can’t do anything to stop it.

lifeonmars100 · 02/08/2025 20:24

He should be really proud of what you do, T A s do a very valuable and worthwhile job that many people would not be able cope with. He should be letting his friends know that he is proud of you and the fact that he felt he needed to lie is troubling.

Hickorydickorydoc · 02/08/2025 20:27

Huge red flag. My ex used to do this.
He was a compulsive liar, I believed him though.
Until I found out he'd been cheating on me for 6 months!
Anyone who can lie so easily and think nothing of it, is absolutely a big red flag. How can you now trust anything he's told you?

AguNwaanyi · 02/08/2025 20:32

What is his own background?
It’s giving Carrie and Mr Big. He was also funny about class and social circles when it came to her.

And he knows it’s a weird lie to make up. He’s banking on you just letting it and feeling too awkward to challenge him on it. Are you supposed to keep up this story with his friends going forward?

kerstina · 02/08/2025 20:37

No I would not like this at all . Honesty and being truthful would be one of the main traits I would look for in a partner .How much did he embellished how you met ? He sounds up himself .

OudAndRose · 02/08/2025 20:40

He is a liar and ashamed of your background. I would end it and find someone who respects you.

Rosscameasdoody · 02/08/2025 20:40

Your update about his background says it all OP. He’s ashamed to tell people the truth about you so he embellishes. By all means talk to him but if he doesn’t get it and it continues I’d be running fast in the opposite direction.

Bowies · 02/08/2025 20:40

Yeah, that’s not good as seems he’s ashamed of your background - a TA to me is a more valuable and interesting role than “someone who works in finance”.

He didn’t apologise and brushed it off.

I would see both of these behaviours (the lying and then minimising it) as red flags.

JHound · 02/08/2025 20:42

ConcernedAndConfused94 · 02/08/2025 09:55

Name-changed for obvious reasons.

My boyfriend and I have been together a year. He’s lovely mostly, thoughtful, good with my friends, remembers the small things. But something happened last night that’s niggling at me and I just need to know if I’m being silly.

We were at a friend’s dinner party and I went to get us drinks from the kitchen. I came back and overheard him mid-conversation telling a story about how we met. He had this whole embellished version, which I know people do sometimes, but then he said I work in finance (I don’t, I’m a teaching assistant) and that I went to private school. I didn’t. I went to a very average state school.

Later I asked him why he said that and he just laughed and said it just sounds better doesn’t it. Like it was nothing. I didn’t push it at the time but it’s really stuck in my head.

It’s not even just the lie. It’s the way he felt the need to make me sound more “impressive” or something. Is that a bit gross or am I reading too much into it? I don’t want to cause drama if it’s just a weird throwaway thing.

Would this bother anyone else?

That would really weird me out. Also now you have to maintain the lie.

I would feel that he is embarrassed of me which is not a good feeling to have.

I would also suspect he does not see me as a long term partner, rather sees me as a “placeholder” while he tries to find the woman he actually wants.

Twelftytwo · 02/08/2025 20:44

I would think he's lied about himself to you