Therapy session 2 and feeling more insecure with fiance

[togo1004]

Finished session 2 with therapy. She addressed why my vision might become blurry when I’m stressed. She thinks that my brain doesn’t want me to see something and that stress is the trigger for it.

we dove deeper into my childhood trauma and talked more about myself. We have not reached diagnosis stage as we have a wide arrange of things to cover.

im currently traveling in China with my fiancé. We’ve already gotten into a few arguments but nothing major I see a big improvement already. I’d like your feedback on what the issue is, If it’s indeed my problem again and how I can address it better next time.

i know I don’t have the best diet. He’s been reminding me to drink water this entire time and I have a hard time drinking water if it’s not cold and when I’m full. We went out to get coffee and I suddenly got dizzy and passed out. I woke up a few seconds later and he shoved a bunch of candy in my mouth and forced me to eat it. I felt better in about 5 minutes and he carried me back to our hotel.

he looked so worried and he started telling me that he suspects I might be either diabetic and has hypoglycemia or have extremely low blood pressure. Either way it’s not good. Then he went on about how I really need to stop eating fried food and sugary things and focus on hydration and getting minerals in my body. I got so annoyed and got loud and said that I’ve been this way my whole life and it’s perfectly normal.

then he started listing things and saying things like “passing out in the middle of the street is normal?”
he went on about how I’m always tired, always have a headache, has mental disorders and thinks it’s largely contributed by my diet and life style. He went on about how he’s never seen me eat a salad or vegetables or fruit. He said “you can’t just live on pasta and fried food and soda”

He said that I’m likely malnutritioned and dehydrated for years and that unless I change it’s going to destroy my body. Ive felt so violated that I started crying. Now im just exhausted and want to go home.

i told him to stop commenting on how i eat because ill likely develop bulimia because of his comments. He literally told me that if I don’t change my life style he’s going to call off the marriage because he says “I will not marry someone who doesn’t prioritize health”. I told him that he cannot control me as it’s my body and it’s my choice on how I eat and live.

that evening I tried to make love to him and he turned me down saying that I’m not well and he thinks I might pass out during sex. I felt like he just didn’t want me at all..felt so rejected. He said that I’m still cold sweating looks pale and that I should really stop eating fried noodles and eat some salad and drink 2 liters of water today and do this everyday and he just went to sleep.

I know I’m not diabetic from tests a while
back but I did take blood pressure the next morning at a pharmacy near by and my bp came back hypotension.

we were ok that day went to pool but he won’t touch me the way he used to and I’m feeling insecure.

did i handle this ok? It didn’t escalate into a big fight but was thinking it’s my body my choice the right thing to say in this point? His point is that it’s selfish because he’s the one responsible for medical bills for us and that I should be taking care of my health for both of us as he does the same.

This. I hope the poor man manages to escape this toxicity.

It’s never 1 persons fault. He could have just hugged me and told me everything will
be ok instead he chose wanting to be right to tell me that he doesn’t know which is which, it’s toxic too.

No, it's not appropriate. I'd hazard a guess that most of the things you say to him aren't.

Sometimes it is just one person's fault.

You definitely need to focus on your health OP, passing out sounds really scary..

On a different note, it sounds like your therapist is great as you've been uncovering lots of things and you felt it's helped you. It's amazing to be able to find a good therapist.

OP - I can sympathise with the craving for ice cream or whatever. FIne. eat the ice cream. But I don't understand why you are so unable to eat anything that is even halfway healthy as WELL? Go out for pizza, but order a salad on the side FFS.

But that' snot really th epoint. YOu sound extremely hard work and you are determined to be the victim. The key card thing is ridiculous. Who cares. He offered a solution and was more than happy to be the one who would be inconvenienced by a key card not being immediately visible.

First, yes, it can be one person's fault. But, more worryingly, you say this "it's never 1 persons fault" (sic), but it is always, in your mind, just his fault. Never yours.

Nah, not falling for it. No-one can lack self awareness so much.

Does your therapist know about the junk food and caffeine and not eating properly?

I'm a therapist and I'd suggest that as an issue for blurred vision before a psychosomatic reason.

Also therapists can't diagnose in the UK. Unless you mean a psychiatrist?

the compromise was whatever he’s doing with his friends he has to do with me next day. He said ok no problem.

😂😂😂😂

Well, more fool him.

This sounds a familiar posting style.

She often relies on Chatgpt 😂

I can only eat certain vegetables. He tried to give me spinach, salad, but I can’t it makes me Gag unless I drench it in sauce.

I cannot eat brocolli and things like this only thing I can stomach is bell tomatoes. I also have acid reflux issues from my bulimia long ago and cannot walk after I eat or I throw up bile.

he thinks that I’m mad-nourished and dehydrated chronically and it’s why I have headaches, vision, and low blood pressure problems. And he just sounds like a machine to constantly to tell me to drink water. But maybe parts of him is right because it’s 6pm and I’ve drank about 120ml of water total but I’m so full and can’t drink.

In just get really annoyed and triggered when he mentions that I should eat healthier, it’s nagging and I think he’s only worried about money sometimes.

He is right OP.

I would say this inability to drink water is linked to a fear of being full and your bulimia.

No I have not told her, but I will when I speak to her next time. I didn’t think my eating was a problem until I met my current fiancé he nearly fell out of his chair when he first saw me make coffee with 10+ tablespoons of sugar.

my parents never said anything and my ex husband used to make coffee like this with me never even thought it was an issue.

Ok. 10+ spoons of sugar?

I would check for diabetes OP.

Never thought 10 tablespoons of sugar was an issue?
😂😂😂

Well yes, pasta and pizza are delicious.

Most people, by the time they reach adulthood, have accepted that a balanced diet is necessary if you want to have a healthy body. It's OK to eat junk food sometimes but if you only eat junk food then your body is going to suffer. It sounds like that's what's happening to you and your fiancé is worried about it.

I wouldn't want to marry someone who didn't care about their health.

Do you want children?

That’s simply not true. Of course it is sometimes one persons fault.

That appalling, do you do that, OP?

Nope. It’s not his problem. Sometimes things just happen, no need for blame. People who try to make everything someone’s fault are impossible to be with.

I strongly advise advanced search if people haven't.

Yep.

She does want children and said on another thread that ‘if he told me he would put our children before me I would leave him tomorrow’ so let’s hope she asks him if he would put their future child before her, he says yes (as anyone fit to be a parent would) and then she leaves him so he’s no longer being abused in so many ways.

I don’t think he will ever be right and that you won’t be able to blame him for something.

DH regularly loose room cards on holiday. There isn’t a debate as to whose fault it is. We just get another one. From my experience when it gets to the blame game in a relationship you have both lost.

Relationship issues aside, it sounds like you seriously need to address your diet as you could be at real risk of dehydration, vitamin deficiency and god knows what else. Over a pronlonged period these can have serious consequences to your health. Your body and mind need to be hydrated and have the correct nutrients to function.

You need to come up with a plan to sort this out for your own sake. Would having a water bottle help or try and develop a love for squash or herbal tea or fizzy water? Do you take a multivitamin. Do you eat any fruit or vegetables? I would start by an adding diet, not removing any foods but adding fruit or vegetables to my day. Ie salad with a pizza but make sure it’s different each time so it might have grated carrot and sweetcorn one day and olives and avocado the next. Can you try different foods and see how you get on?

https://www.webmd.com/vitamins-and-supplements/what-to-know-about-vitamins-and-mental-health

www.verywellhealth.com/vitamin-deficiency-3014720