Therapy session 2 and feeling more insecure with fiance

[togo1004]

Finished session 2 with therapy. She addressed why my vision might become blurry when I’m stressed. She thinks that my brain doesn’t want me to see something and that stress is the trigger for it.

we dove deeper into my childhood trauma and talked more about myself. We have not reached diagnosis stage as we have a wide arrange of things to cover.

im currently traveling in China with my fiancé. We’ve already gotten into a few arguments but nothing major I see a big improvement already. I’d like your feedback on what the issue is, If it’s indeed my problem again and how I can address it better next time.

i know I don’t have the best diet. He’s been reminding me to drink water this entire time and I have a hard time drinking water if it’s not cold and when I’m full. We went out to get coffee and I suddenly got dizzy and passed out. I woke up a few seconds later and he shoved a bunch of candy in my mouth and forced me to eat it. I felt better in about 5 minutes and he carried me back to our hotel.

he looked so worried and he started telling me that he suspects I might be either diabetic and has hypoglycemia or have extremely low blood pressure. Either way it’s not good. Then he went on about how I really need to stop eating fried food and sugary things and focus on hydration and getting minerals in my body. I got so annoyed and got loud and said that I’ve been this way my whole life and it’s perfectly normal.

then he started listing things and saying things like “passing out in the middle of the street is normal?”
he went on about how I’m always tired, always have a headache, has mental disorders and thinks it’s largely contributed by my diet and life style. He went on about how he’s never seen me eat a salad or vegetables or fruit. He said “you can’t just live on pasta and fried food and soda”

He said that I’m likely malnutritioned and dehydrated for years and that unless I change it’s going to destroy my body. Ive felt so violated that I started crying. Now im just exhausted and want to go home.

i told him to stop commenting on how i eat because ill likely develop bulimia because of his comments. He literally told me that if I don’t change my life style he’s going to call off the marriage because he says “I will not marry someone who doesn’t prioritize health”. I told him that he cannot control me as it’s my body and it’s my choice on how I eat and live.

that evening I tried to make love to him and he turned me down saying that I’m not well and he thinks I might pass out during sex. I felt like he just didn’t want me at all..felt so rejected. He said that I’m still cold sweating looks pale and that I should really stop eating fried noodles and eat some salad and drink 2 liters of water today and do this everyday and he just went to sleep.

I know I’m not diabetic from tests a while
back but I did take blood pressure the next morning at a pharmacy near by and my bp came back hypotension.

we were ok that day went to pool but he won’t touch me the way he used to and I’m feeling insecure.

did i handle this ok? It didn’t escalate into a big fight but was thinking it’s my body my choice the right thing to say in this point? His point is that it’s selfish because he’s the one responsible for medical bills for us and that I should be taking care of my health for both of us as he does the same.

Had a look at your other threads. You must be exhausting to be around. Such hard work. I think your fiance deserves a medal.

This. And for his sake I think he should.

Is your therapist still ChatGPT?

So much advice has come your way on here and other threads and you’re still absolutely desperate to prove your fiancé is the problem, spoiler alert he’s not, IT’S YOU.

Your poor fiancé is caught in an abusive relationship. Again I just hope he finds the courage to leave you.

It took me about 8 sessions to break down my brains resistance to what I thought the problem was, I guess for some people it could be more or others it could be less.

Therapy is not a band aid, it’s a process that takes a long time to make a difference and help you feel better .

Keep going regularly, and see how you feel in a month, then 3 months, then 6. If you are still struggling then consider changing therapist.

I thought that the agreement was that he would stop hassling you about what you eat and you would not make him deal with the consequences of your terrible diet?

So really he should have left you passed out in the street and gone and had a swim or something? Would that have been ok?

He’s not the problem I know I cause quite a few…even today.

just wanted to know if it was appropriate to say these things to him

No of course he should nurse me to make sure I’m ok.

but him trying to control what I eat my always telling me to drink water and eat healthier is 1000% causing my bulimia to come back

These are things a 15-year old can get away with.
Not an adult.

Look, I'm not here to judge you for having a certain lifestyle. I've had times in my life where my diet was really bad, and I suffered the consequences.
You want to eat like a child with no impulse control? Fine.
But don't expect someone to stand by you and be there to carry the burden of something you're choosing to do to yourself.
You're letting your emotions and your impulses dictate your life. That's self-centered and short-sighted and not fair towards your fiancé. He can opt out of that life. And more so, if he were the one posting here, he'd get the advice to not marry you and get out while he can.

I get that you've struggled with eating disorders in the past. That must have been hard for you. But right now you're using them as an excuse not to work on your self-destructive eating habits. And whichever way you spin it, that's not okay.

The world doesn't owe it to you for things to be easy.
Yes, changing your diet is hard. It's also the right thing. Just because it's hard, doesn't mean you shouldn't have to do it.

What they all said. Plus, OP, I think you’re very confused about therapy. A therapist isn’t going to ‘diagnose’ you. That’s not what therapy is for.

Show your fiancé this thread. It will help him understand.

I have read your other threads and I think you are completely incompatible. The fact that he is still with you is amazing .
If I were him , you wouldn’t see me for dust .
You need a LOT of therapy before embarking on a relationship.

He has to do prayers at home because he’s not allowed to go to church or volunteer any more as you felt too upset he was doing those things without you, told him it caused panic attacks and once passed out. So now he hasn’t done those things or seen his friends alone for six months.

He pays for all of the bills because you have debt from the past before you even met him. You have also hit him in the past. And listen to him talking to himself in the shower (pressing your ear against the door) then berate him for the tone he used when doing so.

Your OP is misleading as you’re actually in an abusive relationship (you emotionally abuse him, financially take advantage of him, coercively control him and have physically assaulted him) with this poor man.

We are trying to make things work. We keep fighting however even today.

we have 2 hotel cards and since he has to work, I wanted to go with a tour guide to see some temples.

I said hey can you find my key? He said he didn’t know which one was which and I can just use this one as he cannot find the other one right now.

i told him see you lost mine. He said what? I don’t know which one is which as it doesn’t have our names on it. But they both do the same thing so just take this I’ll walk you out and get another one since we cannot find it right now.

i wanted him to apologize to me and admit he’s the one who lost the card. But instead he kept saying that “it didn’t matter”. I told him i know you lost mine. Before we left I found the other one in his other pants. I told him see?! You lost mine and I found it. He said how do you know that’s yours and why does it even matter? It’s free and we shouldn’t argue over this.

why does he have to be right all the time?? Why can’t he just admit he’s lost mine. This is a big problem of his.

Yes he does prayers at home. I compromised with him about going out with his friends. But he said he’ll go when I go back to Russia to visit my parents in a few months.

the compromise was whatever he’s doing with his friends he has to do with me next day. He said ok no problem.

No.
This is a big problem of yours.

You need to wake up and realise you're the problem in this relationship.
You are terrible for him and let's be honest. He would be so much better off without you.

I don't know what you've been through to turn you into this person. Whatever it is, I hope you get the professional help you need. You deserve happiness as much as the next person, and I hope you find it. But you have a lot of work to do, because you're not only sabotaging your own happiness but also that of the person you're supposed to love. I feel so sad for both of you.

'the compromise was whatever he’s doing with his friends he has to do with me next day. He said ok no problem.'

If you can't see how completely unacceptable this is, there is no hope for you (or, sadly, your fiance).

How old are you? It reads like you have the mental age of an 8yo and the will power of an 3yo.

End the relationship, go home and grow up! Learn that just because you want something, doesn't mean you need it, and you can go without. It won't hurt your body only your ego.
You have a very long road ahead of you if you want to be happy & healthy.

No no you don’t understand emotional hunger. If I crave ice cream I need exactly ice cream or I’ll binge eat on something else.

like if Im emotionally hungry for pizza I need exactly pizza, not pasta.

anyone else have this??

I understand comfort eating, but I’ve never heard of emotional hunger, is this an actual thing?

This poster is clearly on the windup.

Of course we do. We can, however, pause and reflect on whether it will actually bring us happiness or just fill some other void and leave us feeling worse. That’s what emotional regulation looks like when you’re an adult.

It’s also a choice to binge eat on something else like a bizarre ‘told you so’ when you’re denied ice cream.

Look, I’ve had EDs in the past and was hospitalised due to anorexia in my early 20s. I can still recognise when someone is using food in an unhealthy way (either in how they eat or how they use it as a weapon in arguments). Because I used to do it too.

In your case, it’s part of an overall toxic behaviour pattern. You say you know you’re the problem but in every post, on every thread, you are trying to find ways why your fiancé is the one in the wrong. HE. IS. NOT.

And we fall for it every bloody thread!

You'd hope so. Surely no one could be so spectacularly obtuse.

I cannot control it at all if I don’t have it I’ll become very upset and binge eat until I’m in pain.

how does one control something like this?