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Original poster

DH insists on separate laundry. Is this normal?

153 replies

Broadcare · 30/07/2025 17:11

Been married 4 years, together 7.

DH has always done his own laundry - which I thought was progressive and fine. He’s very particular about how he washes his clothes and I didn’t really question it.

But lately I’ve noticed he won’t put mine in with his even if there’s loads of room in the machine. Like if I leave a few things in the basket on laundry day, they’re still there afterwards. He’ll literally only do his and leave mine untouched. Once I even put a few of my socks in the drum before he started the wash and he took them out and left them on top of the machine.

I asked him about it and he just said “I prefer to do my own.” That’s it. No real explanation.

For context - I work full time, cook most nights, and do the bulk of the cleaning. He works too, but from home, and has a bit more flexibility in the day. So laundry isn’t a huge time issue, it’s just… the principle?

I’ve started wondering if it’s a control thing, or some weird boundary he’s drawing. I mentioned it to a friend and she laughed and said maybe he doesn’t want our underwear touching, which honestly made me feel even weirder about it.

I know it’s not a big deal compared to what some people are dealing with, but I’m starting to feel like it says something about how separate we are day-to-day. It’s not even like he’s fastidious - his socks still live on the floor half the time.

Is this a red flag? Anyone else’s partner like this or am I just being over-sensitive?

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 30/07/2025 17:13

Bit weird.

Hillrunning · 30/07/2025 17:16

Ive always through thay couples who do separate washing were odd for this exact reason. Fill the bloody machine with whatever needs to be washed for goodness sake!

Tartanboots · 30/07/2025 17:17

There is nothing wrong with separate laundry, if you want him to do yours too, you could ask him. It's not even an amber flag imo.

floranectarine · 30/07/2025 17:17

I wouldn’t be bothered about washing separately, but let me guess, you do all the shared laundry like bed sheets and tea towels?
I’d not be happy with the fact that he leaves you to do the majority of household jobs and cooking either.

BugsyMaroon · 30/07/2025 17:18

We separate our washing. DH has a bee in his bonnet about how everything needs to be on a really hot wash for a 3 hour cycle. Otherwise it 'isn't clean' and 'smells'.

I'm normal.

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 30/07/2025 17:18

i think that's really odd. Esp the sock removal...i mean, why?

LilacBow45 · 30/07/2025 17:19

We do separate loads usually as my DP has dirty work clothes and lots of gym wear that I don’t want my washing in with, however anything else is chucked in all together. That’s actually strange if there’s not a specific reason! If my DP is doing washing and doesn’t have a full load of his own bits he’ll happily chuck mine in too

Trovindia · 30/07/2025 17:21

Just cook for yourself and tell him you prefer to do your own. Only wash your towels and tell him you prefer to do your own.

He's weird and selfish and I wouldn't personally put up with it

Climbingrosexx · 30/07/2025 17:22

We are the opposite, I wont let him touch the washing full stop, I suppose I dont want him rifling through my smalls (or not so smalls these days) 😆it does seem a little odd and I get why it bugs you but if everything else is good maybe its just one of his little quirks

Hadalifeonce · 30/07/2025 17:23

Currently there are 4 adults living in our house; if anyone of us are putting on washing, they have been instructed to ask the others if they have similar washing to make a full load. I have demonstrated my displeasure in the past when someone has put a load on with 2 pairs of knickers and a tee shirt.

CagneyNYPD1 · 30/07/2025 17:25

My DH and I have mostly separate laundry. Have done for over 25 years. I’m more careful with temperatures and spin cycles whereas he has a more pot luck attitude.

But, if I’m putting on a load and have some space, I’ll check with him if he wants to add a few items.

The separate laundry is fine. The removal of clothes from the machine is odd.

CharlieAndMoose · 30/07/2025 17:26

We do separate laundry, always have. We even have separate laundry baskets! He does a lot of sport and I can't bear the smell of stinky sweat. I like to use fabric conditioner, he doesn't like it. It's just easier this way.

isitmytime · 30/07/2025 17:30

I used to wash mine and exH’s laundry separately so I see nothing wrong with it. I do admit I am a bit odd about laundry, if I think about it too much I occasionally have to wash stuff twice!
I just used to do 2 loads. His stuff was generally dirtier/sweatier than mine

I don’t see it as a big issue but clearly I’m in the minority.
I used to do all the laundry/cleaning and majority household jobs as well so much so I left notes when we split!

Hillrunning · 30/07/2025 17:31

Ive always through thay couples who do separate washing were odd for this exact reason. Fill the bloody machine with whatever needs to be washed for goodness sake!

Kbroughton · 30/07/2025 17:33

My DH works from home part time. He does his laundry, DDs, and the household laundry most of the time. He is a bit gun ho with laundry settings and cycles! (everything goes on a 40 cotton wash no matter what) I have a separate basket and do my own. He wouldn't be weird about it though, so if something of mine got in he would do it. I have loads of clothes so dont need to do laundry that often!

Thelittleweasel · 30/07/2025 17:36

@BugsyMaroon @Broadcare

Oh the joys of a hot wash or even better a "boil wash".

The DCs would not believe it but I recall the blissful days of childhood [Mondays of course] of putting on the gas copper to boil and then the lovely sensation of the Persil being added and getting up the nose.

I am - of course - "very" old

BarnOwlFlying · 30/07/2025 17:37

We have 1 laundry basket. Everyone’s clothes go in it. When it’s full we put a load on which is 1 or 2 times a day.
It used to be mainly me who did it as I was a SAHM when the kids were little. Now it’s mainly DH as he works from home. Currently the kids are doing it as it’s school holidays.
I think it’s strange when couples do separate washing- it’s like they are both separate renters in student halls rather than a couple.

roseymoira · 30/07/2025 17:41

Who washes the towels, bedsheets, cushion covers?

Needmorelego · 30/07/2025 17:47

I couldn't be bothered with that.
When the washing basket is full it gets shoved in the machine and washed.
It doesn't matter who the clothes belong too.
But I also don't understand people that insist their teenagers should be responsible for their own washing.
One washing basket, one washing machine - just shove it in together.

Devilsmommy · 30/07/2025 17:47

Yeah that's weird 😕 the only time me and DH have separate laundry is when he's doing his work clothes but that's because they're covered in aluminium dust. All other clothes and underwear are shoved in together.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 30/07/2025 17:48

Tartanboots · 30/07/2025 17:17

There is nothing wrong with separate laundry, if you want him to do yours too, you could ask him. It's not even an amber flag imo.

Really???

PullTheBricksDown · 30/07/2025 17:49

Your household loads seem quite unequal. He won't do any washing for you, but you do almost all the cooking and cleaning? And with him working from home too, which makes it easier to do bits on a break?

I'd start cooking for yourself and say 'I prefer to do my own' when he asks where his is. On a more serious note, a conversation about how you divide up these tasks would be to your advantage.

Yolo12345 · 30/07/2025 17:50

I would love this to be honest!!

arethereanyleftatall · 30/07/2025 17:52

How other people do laundry isn’t the point.

the point iS the fact that the op does all the other household chores, and he takes her blooming socks out!

I think I’d be asking him why and setting up a 50/50 household chores split list, and listening very carefully to his answer.

Henryhall · 30/07/2025 17:54

It seems very, very odd to me. If you have children, who does or will do their laundry?

I can understand if people are fussy about for example how their shirts are ironed, and want to do that themselves, but I can’t see any logical reason at all for your socks etc. not to be washed with his. Presumably he can put up with sharing bed linen with you!

I would be surprised if that was his only eccentricity. Is he otherwise a "sharing" sort of person? I know it’s not really important, but I think the principle of it would really annoy me.