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Original poster

DH insists on separate laundry. Is this normal?

153 replies

Broadcare · 30/07/2025 17:11

Been married 4 years, together 7.

DH has always done his own laundry - which I thought was progressive and fine. He’s very particular about how he washes his clothes and I didn’t really question it.

But lately I’ve noticed he won’t put mine in with his even if there’s loads of room in the machine. Like if I leave a few things in the basket on laundry day, they’re still there afterwards. He’ll literally only do his and leave mine untouched. Once I even put a few of my socks in the drum before he started the wash and he took them out and left them on top of the machine.

I asked him about it and he just said “I prefer to do my own.” That’s it. No real explanation.

For context - I work full time, cook most nights, and do the bulk of the cleaning. He works too, but from home, and has a bit more flexibility in the day. So laundry isn’t a huge time issue, it’s just… the principle?

I’ve started wondering if it’s a control thing, or some weird boundary he’s drawing. I mentioned it to a friend and she laughed and said maybe he doesn’t want our underwear touching, which honestly made me feel even weirder about it.

I know it’s not a big deal compared to what some people are dealing with, but I’m starting to feel like it says something about how separate we are day-to-day. It’s not even like he’s fastidious - his socks still live on the floor half the time.

Is this a red flag? Anyone else’s partner like this or am I just being over-sensitive?

OP posts:
Tartanboots · 01/08/2025 14:03

Justlovedogs · 01/08/2025 00:14

There's lots wrong with separate laundry if it means you both keep doing half loads! It's wasteful, if nothing else.
@Broadcare I don't think it's necessarily a red flag, but seems rather odd that he doesn't do 'the laundry' so that his things get washed how he wants them but he does yours as well.

Show quote history

We do full loads, why does doing your own laundry have to mean half loads? Do you think single people never wash a full load?

Justlovedogs · 01/08/2025 16:11

Tartanboots · 01/08/2025 14:03

We do full loads, why does doing your own laundry have to mean half loads? Do you think single people never wash a full load?

Show quote history

Quite obviously it doesn't mean you have to, no, but the way the OP worded her post suggests that they do.

I am now single for the first time in 30-odd years but don't do half loads. Your point is... ?

LucyLoo1972 · 07/03/2026 01:24

HotCrossBunplease · 30/07/2025 18:15

Him doing his own laundry- fine.
Him taking out your socks - could be fine if a good reason (eg worried he will shrink them, worried he’ll lose one, worried about colour runs)
Him brushing you off with “I prefer to do my own” - not fine.

My husband and I do separate laundry. Main reason is that neither of us has any interest in assuming the mental load of making sure another adult has clean clothes. We both do our son’s stuff if we see son’s laundry basket is full.

But neither of us would be precious about one of the other’s items getting mixed in.

Edited

I love that you think about mental load

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