DH insists on separate laundry. Is this normal?

[Broadcare]

Been married 4 years, together 7.

DH has always done his own laundry - which I thought was progressive and fine. He’s very particular about how he washes his clothes and I didn’t really question it.

But lately I’ve noticed he won’t put mine in with his even if there’s loads of room in the machine. Like if I leave a few things in the basket on laundry day, they’re still there afterwards. He’ll literally only do his and leave mine untouched. Once I even put a few of my socks in the drum before he started the wash and he took them out and left them on top of the machine.

I asked him about it and he just said “I prefer to do my own.” That’s it. No real explanation.

For context - I work full time, cook most nights, and do the bulk of the cleaning. He works too, but from home, and has a bit more flexibility in the day. So laundry isn’t a huge time issue, it’s just… the principle?

I’ve started wondering if it’s a control thing, or some weird boundary he’s drawing. I mentioned it to a friend and she laughed and said maybe he doesn’t want our underwear touching, which honestly made me feel even weirder about it.

I know it’s not a big deal compared to what some people are dealing with, but I’m starting to feel like it says something about how separate we are day-to-day. It’s not even like he’s fastidious - his socks still live on the floor half the time.

Is this a red flag? Anyone else’s partner like this or am I just being over-sensitive?

Germophobia? OCD? Doesn’t want to mix his germs with yours? A bit too late if you are married. How he is in other aspects? Or he is just plain selfish.

We have separate laundry baskets and do separate washes. His white shirts need the hottest setting, mine is all done on the delicates cycle.

no drama, it just works for us.

If he wants to wash his own laundry fine. I'd say I'm going to start to cook my own meals. If he asks why say you'd prefer to cook for yourself only. Eventually he'll figure it out. Either he does your laundry or you don't do his cooking. I wouldn't care if he washed your laundry separately as long as he did it properly on correct cycles. I don't know why you've let it go on like this for so long.

Drives me mad when DH 'puts a shirts wash' on at weekends & then sifts out anyone else's whitish t-shirts, DD's whitish pants etc!

I wash everything else in together for everyone (by colours/fabric, not school shirts with black jumpers ;)

If someone else is doing a load and there's stuff there that is appropriate to put on the same wash cycle, for the love of god make sure everyone's is done at the same time!

Your DH is BVVVVVU!

Wow. Doesn't everything of his shrink? I am terrified of anything other than a 40deg wash for anything other than towels or sheets, having shrunk too many things in the past.

The only laundry I insist on doing are our whites, the rest we both do when necessary. Neither of us would do a half wash if the other had stuff that could go in, what a waste of money.

Is he obsessed with germs, crosscontamination maybe, I'd be a little offended at that.

I’m assuming you live with this man? You’ve had sex with him? Yet you don’t want him near your pants?
Each to their own, I suppose…

We did the same when we first started living together as my husband had a physical, dirty job and I didn't want my clothes going through the washer with his. Now he has a much cleaner job, he'll add whatever is in my wash basket to his and put it all through together. He's on leave for a month now, so he's going to strip and remake the bed tonight and put the dirty bedding through with the towels tomorrow.
Just washing your own, unless for the reason above is a waste of energy and water and frankly, odd!

I've never heard of this in my life - people doing separate loads 🤷‍♀️ I mean I get if it's dirty industrial clothing but otherwise 😳

Was he an only child by any chance? The only person I knew who would be like this was an only child. Quite a selfish person as spoilt rotten.

It’s probably a weird thing from his childhood. Like his mum once shrunk his favourite jumper or he ruined his sisters dress. It’s quirky but it’s harmless really, unless he’d refuse to put a wash on for you or refuses shared items such as tea towels and bed linen.

I think seperate is best. I'd be concerned stuff could go missing. And wouldn't want the responsibility of doing others laundry.

It doesn't make your life more difficult does it?

Seems strange to most of us but seems he has some sort of compulsion to do it like this?

It would annoy me massively if the washing machine was run half empty, its a waste of electricity, water and money. If the machine has space and there is stuff of yours that's appropriate to wash, then he should wash it. To labour the point, you could stop washing any crockery and cutlery he uses and see how he likes it when he can't eat his dinner.

I’m gobsmacked to hear that couples actually wash their clothes separately. I understand if one of them has a very dirty job and needs to wash their work clothes separately or they have got the clothes very dirty due to an out or indoor activities.But what happens to the shared bedding you still both sweat etc in bed. I also understand if someone is allergic to the detergents and would prefer to use a specific brand .I certainly wont I be judgemental each to their own. I’m nearly 80 so what do I know. 😆

I find this so weird. Me and 3 men here, all gets bunged in together. No way would I be faffing with seperate loads!! The cost alone would make me 😳

I know it sounds odd but we all have our quirks. Besides he has been known to burn clothes when ironing so it's no bad thing to keep him away from the laundry

I do mine, his & DS as seperate lots. And towels, sheets etc…

But they get mixed in together, if I need them I fill the machine.

Absolutely batshit

Really odd. Does he have OCD tendencies?

Ours tends to be separate but more my accident than design as I’ll get mine out the way during the day and then DH presents his when asked

I do all the laundry for my husband and I, except for towels and sheets. Those are equal opportunity chores lol. My husband has really screwed up some of my clothes, so , in my closet, I have 4 baskets . Lights. Darks, socks and underware, and towels/sheets. He still gets the lights wrong sometimes when depositing his dirty shirts or shorts, so I always sort that, But right now, he is sitting watching a tv show while waiting for the wash of our bedsheets, blanket and a few towels are in , and as soon as they are done he will hang them out on the line (we have about 4 more hours of sun , in a windy 30 degrees, so should dry on time.) He also hangs all the laundry every time, I bring it in as he folds like a drunken monkey.

My husband likes me to wash his clothes separately from mine. He has said it from the time we moved in together. Doesn’t bother me. He’s Jamaican, don’t know if it’s a thing there.

Ha ha I remember twins tubs. It was dragged out into the middle of the kitchen. You had tongs to get washing out of hot water. I think most of our vests came out grey😂 Dad did the washing. remember getting an automatic washing machine. We watched it going round. My dad was convinced it would not get clothes clean😂