DIL causing issues

[Rosey44]

Hello just looking for advice on how to navigate issues with sons new wife. We had the wedding abroad as that’s where her family are from. My son with my help wanted his friends and family for a celebration over here. I was happy and offered to help pay towards it. Unfortunately son lost his job.
They are living with us while they get themselves sorted. Our house is big enough to accommodate everyone.
I have begun to notice little things about her that make me feel like I am abit crazy.
I have explained that I am not fussed where they go but to just let me know where they are so I don’t worry. This made her unhappy and my son was told by her he’s a man now and doesn’t need to tell me where he’s going. I did explain he’s always dropped it in our normal conversations. Am I wrong?
She has told my son she would like to invite a family member to come to the celebration even after I told her no. Bear in mind she doesn’t really know this relative and they have never come to visit us ever . When my son told me I was unhappy and told him he could pay for all the celebrations catering and I would not be involved.
I feel I am being undermined but I am not sure what’s going on or why.
She is doing other little things whilst living with us and I am not sure what is happening as I am trying to remain calm. What do you think?

Honestly insisting your adult son and dil tell you where they are at all times is just a bit creepy.

I dont think op will come back. Our responses were not what they were hoping for! 🤭

You are being very very unreasonable, you want your grown adult MARRIED son to tell you where he is going and wont allow his wife to invite family to celebrate THEIR marriage?? It doesnt matter whether they have visited or not before.

Its not the DIL causing issues, its you. Its very strange behaviour, they shouldnt have to ask you who they can invite, even if you are paying!

You are being too controlling. Regardless of whether you agreed to pay or not it’s their celebration not yours. If you weren’t happy with this you shouldn’t have agreed to pay. The input you had should have been limited to I’ll pay for this many people. Then who they invite should be up to them. Equally it’s weird that you want to know where he is all the time, surely a courtesy I’m heading out but I’ll be back by x time should suffice.

Your DIL isn’t causing issues. You are the one causing the issues. You are being totally unreasonable and controlling.

Sorry but you are the mother in law from hell. Don't expect to see grandchildren if they come along.

I hate to say it but I think there are problems on both sides here. They need to move out ASAP, just because you are contributing towards your sons wedding celebration, it doesn't mean you can have control of the guest list!

I kind of get it. If they’re going out, it would be polite to let you that they’re going out, but you really do not need to know all the details.

As for the relative, it’s a bit mean of you not to let them stay if you’ve got a lot of room.

Saying you’re not going to pay for the party just makes you sound very very childish (sorry).

The fact that you start your thread by saying “we” had the wedding abroad says it all OP. Your DIL is a saint and in her shoes I would have left both you and your wet son behind. You are controlling and manipulative and I hope your son sees that before it’s too late.

YABU.

Her relative, her decision whether they're invited or not, as long as you're not paying for it.

Lol

Reverse

That's also not how it works, what is with all this controlling behaviour?