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Original poster

A thread for FwB survivors (perhaps a little tongue in cheek) Part 2

267 replies

Clytemnestra21 · 22/07/2025 15:11

Hi all 👋
New thread to continue the old one for those of who still take part. Hope this works and everyone can see it?

OP posts:
whyisnothingsimple · 02/09/2025 15:50

Clytemnestra21 · 02/09/2025 14:20

Welcome @whyisnothingsimple
thats lovely about meet up with your FwB. Do you mind me asking how you know you love each other?. Have you blended lives in any way or is it a relationship others don’t know about. Feel free to tell me to get lost if you like, I know it’s none of my business but I’m interested as my FwB is appealing to my feelings at the moment and I want him to be sincere but I’m so wary.

I have no problem telling you - We have said we do but mainly through actions and support which is much more important I think. I know that if I was in trouble, he would come to my rescue and vice versa. We have known one another for 30 years or so and I was a shoulder to cry on when his marriage broke down but just as a friend (he was doing work in my house at the time). I never knew he fancied me until much later when my marriage broke down and he started sending flirty texts. I was extremely wary because of our age difference. When we were meeting up for the night, we often talked for 10 hours before finally falling into bed. It was not a secret relationship but we rarely went out. His family and friends knew that he had a lover, and my family and friends knew I did too although not who it was He has met my family as he did work for them - I was there one time when he was there. We chatted as we always did and my DIL twigged that he was the one I was seeing - she was very disappointed when I decided to move on. The physical side was amazing but it was the emotional connection that was more important. I never, ever fancied him before we got together - just liked him as a person.Blimey writing all this down has given me a lovely warm glow remembering the very happy times we shared.

I haven't read the first thread yet but will do so I don't know your situation. The only thing I will say is trust your gut. I have had other FWB and it was mainly about the sex - I got fed up with them fairly quickly or they did me but I always knew with the others that it really was mainly physical. If you have misgivings about his intentions, tread carefully and look after yourself x

whyisnothingsimple · 02/09/2025 15:54

PS - I was always scared that if/when we stopped seeing one another, we would lose the friendship - thankfully we haven't.

fknEndlessCycle · 02/09/2025 16:12

Hello lovely ladies. i posted a month ago - mine is back. I got in touch with him about something (we know each other in some other ways and I legitimately needed to) and he then acted like nothing happened as though he didn’t ask to end things. And now we’ve talked every day for a week or smth like that. I haven’t confronted any of it as I think I’d need to in person or I won’t get any clear answers. We have had sex since but it was very intense given the gap and so I wasn’t in the mind to raise tricky subjects . Such a weird one to navigate.

im still trying to date other ppl but if it escalates again with FWB it will likely take over my mind

are any of your FWBs avoidants ?

and do any of you have any proper boundaries with FWBs for eg on texting in between, sex chat, kissing? I’ve had previous casual sex relationships but this one is so intense sexually I think lines have for blurred. He hugs me for 10 minutes when he sees me 🙄

Flatbellyfella · 02/09/2025 17:01

I often wonder how far FWB travel to meet up are they local to your town? A lady I worked with would travel across country to meet up with her FWB eventually moving in with him.

ThatRubyLion · 08/09/2025 17:31

How is everyone doing. Mine has ended it and it sounds awful but I feel so upset 😭

ThatRubyLion · 08/09/2025 17:36

It’s only been 10 months with him but 😭

Moresunlessrain · 08/09/2025 19:22

I think he’s done you a favour @ThatRubyLion he’s been awful to you. Please make sure you block him this time and don’t let him back in. Now you are free to find someone deserving

ThatRubyLion · 08/09/2025 19:26

Moresunlessrain · 08/09/2025 19:22

I think he’s done you a favour @ThatRubyLion he’s been awful to you. Please make sure you block him this time and don’t let him back in. Now you are free to find someone deserving

Can I ask why? This is the 3rd or 4th time he’s done this but I feel like this is for good. Said he needs to sort himself out

Original poster
Clytemnestra21 · 08/09/2025 23:13

I have to agree with @Moresunlessrain, it doesn’t sound as though he’s been kind or respectful and this could be just what you need @ThatRubyLion

OP posts:
ThatRubyLion · 09/09/2025 07:20

Clytemnestra21 · 08/09/2025 23:13

I have to agree with @Moresunlessrain, it doesn’t sound as though he’s been kind or respectful and this could be just what you need @ThatRubyLion

I wish I could get to that point but just not there at the moment. I don’t think he’s been that awful trouble is I really liked him 😢

Original poster
Clytemnestra21 · 09/09/2025 09:02

@ThatRubyLion I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. Have you considered how much of it is liking him and how much of it is just not being in control of the thing? There’ll be people who can give better advice than me. But I understand there’s stuff you can do to try to shift your mindset when faced with rejection. I hope you can try.

OP posts:
ThatRubyLion · 09/09/2025 10:10

Clytemnestra21 · 09/09/2025 09:02

@ThatRubyLion I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. Have you considered how much of it is liking him and how much of it is just not being in control of the thing? There’ll be people who can give better advice than me. But I understand there’s stuff you can do to try to shift your mindset when faced with rejection. I hope you can try.

Thank you for replying. 9 months might not seem a long time but it’s almost a year of my life ☹️he’s done this a few times before but I think it’s for good this time. If he really is sorting himself out

Kat888 · 09/09/2025 13:49

I'm sorry but you have only been a warm body to him. He has shown you time and time again how little respect he has for you. He's dumped you so you will do the swinging thing with him. Please seek therapy

ThatRubyLion · 09/09/2025 17:44

Kat888 · 09/09/2025 13:49

I'm sorry but you have only been a warm body to him. He has shown you time and time again how little respect he has for you. He's dumped you so you will do the swinging thing with him. Please seek therapy

No I said I’d do that with him so it isn’t that. It’s not that I need therapy. But it’s almost been a year of my life even if it was just fun for him x

Kat888 · 09/09/2025 18:16

I'm trying to be kind here but it's like he dictates what you must do with you're body and you seem ok with it. He can say whatever and you'll do it. You have massive self esteem and self worth issues but if won't get help then there's nothing anybody of us can do. You will keep having these situations with men until you learn.

ThatRubyLion · 10/09/2025 17:32

Kat888 · 09/09/2025 18:16

I'm trying to be kind here but it's like he dictates what you must do with you're body and you seem ok with it. He can say whatever and you'll do it. You have massive self esteem and self worth issues but if won't get help then there's nothing anybody of us can do. You will keep having these situations with men until you learn.

It’s ok. This is the only place I can vent that’s all. I text him to say I’m sorry if I’ve done anything wrong and he just said no I’m done leave it there. So that’s that 😢

Original poster
Clytemnestra21 · 16/09/2025 18:31

Hi, @ThatRubyLion hope you’re ok. Hope everyone else ok too and FwB situations giving you pleasure

OP posts:
ThatRubyLion · 16/09/2025 18:36

Clytemnestra21 · 16/09/2025 18:31

Hi, @ThatRubyLion hope you’re ok. Hope everyone else ok too and FwB situations giving you pleasure

How are you? Well 2 minutes after I deleted his number after him saying all the best he texts me saying you’ve deleted me why! 🙈

Moresunlessrain · 16/09/2025 19:14

Clytemnestra21 · 16/09/2025 18:31

Hi, @ThatRubyLion hope you’re ok. Hope everyone else ok too and FwB situations giving you pleasure

We are in a really good place atm. Meeting once a week and in touch every day. It’s lovely. How are you getting on?

shivermetimbers77 · 16/09/2025 20:16

How are you doing @Clytemnestra21 ? What happened with your FWB after he asked you to be exclusive? Hope all going well..

Original poster
Clytemnestra21 · 18/09/2025 18:03

@Moresunlessrain that’s lovely it’s lovely - so glad to hear it’s working for you. These arrangements can be brilliant can’t they?
@Moresunlessrain and @shivermetimbers77 thanks for asking. Things are on an even keel, FwB has been very attentive and lovely since the big declaration and request we be exclusive. It took a while for me stop speaking to the guy from OLD and FwB got pretty upset about it but we’ve worked it out. What’s weird for me is nothing much has changed. We’re still leading very separate lives and it’s all very low key (ie no introductions to family/friends) and whilst I’m not in a massive hurry to change I would like to see some actions to back up his words on in terms of how he’s described how he feels about me. But it isn’t a crisis. I’m all ok with it.

how are you @shivermetimbers77?

OP posts:
Chatonette · 18/09/2025 18:22

Clytemnestra21 · 18/09/2025 18:03

@Moresunlessrain that’s lovely it’s lovely - so glad to hear it’s working for you. These arrangements can be brilliant can’t they?
@Moresunlessrain and @shivermetimbers77 thanks for asking. Things are on an even keel, FwB has been very attentive and lovely since the big declaration and request we be exclusive. It took a while for me stop speaking to the guy from OLD and FwB got pretty upset about it but we’ve worked it out. What’s weird for me is nothing much has changed. We’re still leading very separate lives and it’s all very low key (ie no introductions to family/friends) and whilst I’m not in a massive hurry to change I would like to see some actions to back up his words on in terms of how he’s described how he feels about me. But it isn’t a crisis. I’m all ok with it.

how are you @shivermetimbers77?

I hope this doesn’t sound mean, but I’m glad your FWB wasn’t happy and had to sit in his discomfort for a while. Perhaps he’ll reflect on that next time you share your feelings—he knows you can find companionship elsewhere, so needs to buck his ideas up.

ThatRubyLion · 18/09/2025 22:07

Glad everyone is ok. Well after the 4th or 5th time of telling me he’s done he’s started it all up again (went to see him yesterday)

Original poster
Clytemnestra21 · 19/09/2025 12:20

@ThatRubyLion and so the rollercoaster starts again. Hope you’re ok. Have you thought about OLD? Might help your perspective on this person to talk to others. It massively helped me 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Clytemnestra21 · 19/09/2025 12:22

Thanks @Chatonettei really appreciate that. What I notice about FwB is that somehow the dialogue always shifts to scrutiny on me, so; am I still speaking to the guy from OLD, have I left the site etc. but I still don’t have a firmer idea of FwB’s true availability. It’s like I’m being asked to commit with no sense of what’s being offered in return. Seeing him this weekend and it feels like a bit of an opportunity to observe whether anything is actually going to be different.

OP posts: