45 and still lives in the house he grew up in with his parents, but he objects to me smoking

[WildflowerGardens]

So I had a first date with a man, 45, who it turns out still lives in the house he grew up in, with his parents. He has never moved out despite having a good job and no illnesses.

I left home when I was 18 to go to university, and since then have rented with friends or partners.

I was going to let it slide as he seemed like a nice man, but after our date he was texting regarding meeting again and then texted “By the way, do you plan to give up smoking?”

During our date I had had one cigarette in three hours, which I had well away from him and washed my hands thoroughly afterwards.

is it reasonable of him to ask me to give up smoking after one date? And should I be perturbed that he lives at home at 45, never having left?

No, by no means. There are so many valid reasons why an adult might live at home and that’s fine. But as this guy seemed like a creep - referring to my modest cleavage as “the view” on our first date - I wondered if him living at home was because he’d not met anyone because of his creepiness (NOT saying there is correlation between the two for most people, just this guy seemed odd)

What a stupid question!

Yeah the comments he made were creepy and inappropriate and don't say much about him. Best to give him a wide birth.

I could marry a man who smoked, provided:

a) he was a billionnaire
b) he lived in a different house
c) I never had to see him, far less sleep with him
d) he left all his money to me, and smoked A LOT.

Because not everyone gets promoted, I have been made redundant twice and had jobs that were temporary contracts. There are lots of people on minimum wage which is why so many people can't afford to buy a house.
Even rent or room share is expensive where I live.

You should have lead with this 🤢

I think it's fine you live with your parents. But surely you've been working 20+ years now. Did you not learn any marketable skills at all?

Did you not try and upskill yourself to get a better job?

Sometimes people just want opinions and to have a conversation about something that's happened? If you don't feel it is something you want to converse about, you don't have to.

I have dated someone who 'lives at home' (daft statement, I mean I live at home, where the else am I going to live), and I am currently dating a smoker. One is independent, good job, has a house I can comfortably stay in, can get up in the night if I can't sleep and make a cup of tea/glass of wine in garden, knows her own mind but has an unhealthy habit.
The other one, I had to make small talk with her parents if we got back from a night out, couldn't potter about if I woke earlier than her had to be cooped up in her bedroom, couldn't walk to the bathroom half naked in case her Dad saw me, could never fully relax, couldn't have sex without being heard, felt odd frankly that a grown adult lived with her parents while I was independent from a very young age. Yes. Someone living with their parents to me, is very much more indicative of personality than having an addiction which for folk in their forties and above is often began at an early age where it was mainly acceptable/'cool' and I understand it being hard to get out of.It doesn't form someone's personality however like thinking it acceptable to not be independent does-THAT affects relationships.

Having not smoked for almost 2 years and suddenly acquiring new friends and extra family members visiting etc I suddenly realised how bad it stinks and clings to you and when I walk past a smoker now I feel disgusted with myself at how bad it stinks. I even got whole house redecorated and even on hot days can still get whiffs of the past anyhow ye I wouldn't be going down that route again. As for age I know a lot still live in family house just because it's still tons cheaper and the room is there

I have never smoked in the home nor anyone else’s home - I only ever smoke outdoors, standing away from everyone

Yes, this is exactly it. I wondered if I was overreacting about his creepy comments

🤣 that's not why you made this thread, if it was that would have been in your OP. You weren't getting the responses you wanted so changed the narrative. You also described him as a nice man in your OP then changed to describing him as a creep once you realised the thread wasnt going how you wanted.

@Anchorage56

you can’t read OP’s mind so you’re talking nonsense

MN is all about reading people's posts and responding based on the information provided

That reminded me of someone who I dated when I was a teen, he was in his early twenties and still living at home (that age gap wasn’t unusual in eighties). I remember we were trying to have a snogging session in the lounge, and his mum kept popping into see if we wanted a cup of tea, to get her glasses, to check something etc. It was mortifying!

Exactly. It's hard enough when you're a teen but you sort of accept it as par for the course while young. It is MUCH worse as a fully fledged adult with your own home, to be all of a sudden propelled back to being in someone's family home like a kid again!

Yes I dont think it would be for me either. He would have to be something special for me to get past the living at home with parents. Certainly not someone who gave me the creeps.

sorry I’m too beautiful to care about your little opinions!

sorry I’m too beautiful to care about your little opinions!

That's become your default reply to anyone who you don't agree with!

What's being beautiful' got to do with it?

You do you.
If you want to date a man who still lives with his parents in his forties then that's great. It wouldn't work for me.

There you are! So beautiful, and what else did you say- high flying? - your debating over a creep.

Don't want to date anyone. DH very unreasonable and won't let me have other men 😂. Actually happily married for many yrs and been together since I was 17.

You're very patient, explaining something that should be obvious. Hard to believe people can be so unaware.

He wasn’t asking you to stop smoking though!!! He asked if you planned to stop. It’s an awful smell if you don’t smoke and washing your hands won’t take the smell away. I don’t see anything wrong in what he asked.

He however sounds like a misogynist man baby.