45 and still lives in the house he grew up in with his parents, but he objects to me smoking

[WildflowerGardens]

So I had a first date with a man, 45, who it turns out still lives in the house he grew up in, with his parents. He has never moved out despite having a good job and no illnesses.

I left home when I was 18 to go to university, and since then have rented with friends or partners.

I was going to let it slide as he seemed like a nice man, but after our date he was texting regarding meeting again and then texted “By the way, do you plan to give up smoking?”

During our date I had had one cigarette in three hours, which I had well away from him and washed my hands thoroughly afterwards.

is it reasonable of him to ask me to give up smoking after one date? And should I be perturbed that he lives at home at 45, never having left?

Siding with a man who refers to a younger woman as “the view”, WOW I really hope you don’t have daughters

That quasi-joke about the price of the date would put me right off. You'd only 'joke' about that if it was bothering you.

(Do give up smoking though, it's going to cut down on your dating success I reckon and make your skin go wrinkly and breath smelly and all that).

My ex still lives at home with his mother and he's now 54. He's never moved out. His mother would be 80 now. Not surprisingly he hasn't had a gf since 2012.

🤦‍♀️ you mentioned how old he is but never said how old you are. And getting on the defensive by hoping someone doesnt have daughters! Sorry your starting to come across just as weird as you say he is.

I think you have issues.

It's not healthy or even understandable to keep going on and on and on about a speed date where you met someone not your type. Continuing to pick him apart and focus on the fact he lives at home.

No one is siding with the man- we're pulling you up on how much you are obsessing over a date that didn't work out.

Maybe take time to reflect why you're doing that.
Maybe you're not ready for dating if you get so worked up over men who don't measure up.

I couldn't be with someone who smokes. It reeks and a kiss from a smoker is gross .
His living arrangements don't bother me particularly

@Maddy70

maybe he should date you then as his living arrangements do bother a lot of us

This thread is bonkers.

A woman has ONE DATE after she met a man on a speed date.

She didn't like various aspects of his life or his behaviour.
He didn't like her smoking.

They are clearly not going to drive off into the sunset together.

There are now 300 comments.

It's bizarre the thread was even started.

Make a better thread then, we’ll wait

OP has now jumped the shark.

So obvious no second date for him then, let him get on with his peculiar little life. Take care of yourself and give up the fags.

Nonsense - everyone else has been most amused by my retelling of the date, and I’ve been on other dates since. Seems you’re unhappily married to a nonentity of a man, no need to take it out on beautiful and much younger me

Hilarious 😂

The thing that interested me about the thread is that so many people seem fine with a 45 year old man never having moved out from home. Nothing inherently wrong with it of course - but it would be higher on my list of "no"s than smoking if I was looking for a meaningful relationship.

Sometimes "threads that should never have been started" provide a real insight into people. It's something I love about Mumsnet.

I agree with all of this. It’s interesting, isn’t it?!

I missed what was said. I'm guessing it was hilarious

So basically if your still at home in your forties, you are a massive failure in life and have no chance of a relationship?
I am still living at home in my forties, not something I planned but have never been lucky in love and affording a house as a single person on a minimum wage is not really possible where I live. I always wanted to get married and have a family but it hasn't happened, nice to know I am also a failure in life too.

To the OP you don't sound compatible.

@Hazelnutwhirl

if you don’t want to live with your parents, have you considered a houseware? There are some very reasonable ones about and you never know there may be someone delectable there who you fancy! 😉

Yes, what a bizarre thread, but YUCK how can you say that someone living at home is worse than smoking!

Nothing wrong with living at home. And DH's aunt married when she was over 40.

@Idontpostmuch

it would be for me 🤷‍♀️ everyone’s different

“The view” and the bikini comment have given me the ick. It’s a no from me.

Why are you still on my minimum wage at 40+?

Are there not lots of jobs in the UK that only pay minimum wage? Or slightly above

He called your cleavage 'the view'. I'm not sure I could take him seriously after this.

Unless you have a bonkers sense of humour I wouldn't date him.

And tbh the only answer to the smoking question is the honest one.