Need a hand hold;My DH has come out as bisexual.

[Uberella]

As the title says;my husband told within the last days that he’s bisexual and I’m absolutely broken.

He says he loves me and still wants me but he’s attracted to men too.He said he wasn’t planning on leaving me or cheating with a man.

Without telling me first he’s told our DD’s who are 18 & 20 and now he wants to tell his friends.

I feel blindsided by this;I’m still trying to process what he’s told me and now he’s telling people before I’ve even had a chance to wrap my head around it.

I’m currently an absolute mess;it’s 1.30am,I can’t stop crying and I’ve got to be in work at 8am and I don’t actually know how I’m going to function in the morning.

I don’t know what my is going to look like and I’m just spiralling.

I didn’t say it didn’t. But I think emotional impacts have different drivers, that’s all. Some of which can be influenced by prejudices.

Again, so what? I have no truck with bisexual people being in my life they are welcome in it, just not in my bed.

OK. I’m not and I don’t have any bisexual loved ones.

As I’ve said, it just brought up topics that have been interesting.

So you haven't got any experience of how this effects people's lives. You are just imagining how you would feel. I think it might be something you find a turn on but some people don't.

This is very odd. So he's bisexual. Super. Absolutely fine to tell you, his wife. Not something he should keep from you. I would wonder why now. Did he not realise before? What's changed? This whole announcing to the world is performative though and would make me very suspicious. Not the behaviour of someone who isn't planning a next step.

I think its great that on this thread some women have come together and supported that they dont want to be with bisexual men. I've seen other threads go the other way and we are called biphobic etc which is just not true.

A heterosexual man and a bisexual man are both male. You could even have identical male twins, one heterosexual, one bisexual. You wouldn't know any difference.

He's married, so what's the point of making a point of deciding to tell people like this??

I wonder if your husband wants to do that in an attempt at getting attention and all the praise & adoration he thinks people get by the rainbow community. I'd also be suspicious that he hopes one of his male friends might share similar feelings and that might be a convenient way for him to experiment on the side.

So you’re arguing for arguing’s sake.

Not really.

Nancy Kelly was demanding that lesbians sleep with biological males, people who are physically different to females.

I cannot see any physical/biological differences between bisexual and heterosexual males. And the same is true of bisexual and heterosexual females.

No, but once you do then there can be a difference in how you feel romantically. Stop trying to flog a dead horse. If a straight woman doesn’t want a bi man then that is the end of the matter. You don’t know what you don’t know, but once you do it can change things. I might have fallen for Ted Bundy before I knew what he was, do you think I’d still want him after I found out because he still looked the same! (To be clear I have never been remotely attracted to Ted Bundy).

It’s not misogyny, it’s biology. From a purely natal biological point of view, a man putting his sperm in another man doesn’t serve a reproductive purpose. Is it surprising that women, who need that sperm to reproduce, would instinctively reject the idea of their reproductive partner being attracted to another man?

My dd is bisexual I could not care less I am immensely proud of her and would cut anyone out of my life if they said anything remotely phobic to her or about her. However if my husband were to suddenly announce he was bisexual I would not want to continue our marriage. Am I biphobic because I make a choice about who I want to be married to and have sex with? Don't be ridiculous, don't try to force women to have sex with people they don't want to have sex with so you can be satisfied we are who you think we should be.
I don't dictate who you should be married to so why do you feel the need to dictate to others

For many women it is dangerous. From this Guardian article: “women who engage in anal sex are at greater risk from it than men. “Increased rates of faecal incontinence and anal sphincter injury have been reported in women who have anal intercourse,”…”The consequences include incontinence and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) as well as pain and bleeding because they have experienced bodily trauma while engaging in the practice”

Young women are pressured or groomed into having anal sex by both straight and bi sexual men.

Women finding anal sex unappealing is not homophobia, it’s self-preservation.

She was talking about men having sex with men.

Sexual attraction AND wanting to be in a relationship with someone is not purely physical? It isn’t unreasonable to not be sexually attracted to men when you know they will also be having sex or thinking about sex with men, and that’s absolutely not a turn on for you. I think that’s quite different from just being friends. Personally I wouldn’t mind if my dh were bi as long as we were both clear that monogamy is a requirement, but in this case I think the op would simply be in holding mode until she finds out he is or has already been having sex with men, given the way he’s gone about making this public knowledge including to his kids.

I know, I’m giving context as to why some women may find anal sex dangerous.

Yes, an interesting point too. Is it surprising? No, not particularly. Is it logical? I’m not sure. But that’s just my opinion. People do a lot of things against ‘biology’ after all (including being gay and bisexual …).

I don’t see it that way, but you can’t see it however you want to.

There doesn’t have to be a ‘so what’. Doesn’t mean people can’t talk about it.

No, I don’t find it a turn on, you are wrong there. I’m neutral about it. Some opinions here, however, are quite clearly rooted in bisexual prejudice. Not all, but some. So it shouldn’t really be surprising when it becomes contentious or contested.

He's gay not bisexual. He's lying about not wanting to be with men, why is he feeling he needs to tell others?
I'm so sorry

Well, obviously. That’s not what I was talking about. Read the post I was replying to.

Looks like the OP has been scared of by all this derailment about biphobia.
Theres no way I would consider letting a man who has put his penis inside a man’s ass into my vagina. I don’t agree that makes me biphobic but I’m sure all the usual crew would argue the case.