Need a hand hold;My DH has come out as bisexual.

[Uberella]

As the title says;my husband told within the last days that he’s bisexual and I’m absolutely broken.

He says he loves me and still wants me but he’s attracted to men too.He said he wasn’t planning on leaving me or cheating with a man.

Without telling me first he’s told our DD’s who are 18 & 20 and now he wants to tell his friends.

I feel blindsided by this;I’m still trying to process what he’s told me and now he’s telling people before I’ve even had a chance to wrap my head around it.

I’m currently an absolute mess;it’s 1.30am,I can’t stop crying and I’ve got to be in work at 8am and I don’t actually know how I’m going to function in the morning.

I don’t know what my is going to look like and I’m just spiralling.

You said it would have no tangible impact. Of course it would.

I dont think so. Throwing their dummy out because not everyone wants to have sex with them.

I've been told off for swearing too.

It’s not ‘coercive’ or ‘force’ to reply to people who have replied to my posts. It’s a conversation. I have said several times everyone is entitled to have what they want in a relationship. Most people hear have responded to the conversation sensibly and politely. Your input with this isn’t relevant.

I agree with this answer unfortunately. I had an ex who came out to me as bisexual and I found out there was a lot more he was up to than I was lead to believe - he wanted to explore his sexuality and that was absolutely fair enough, but he kept both lives going for a little while

Is it that the pool of openly bi people is small so bi people want to cast their net further and make sure it includes all the straight people as well. Otherwise I don’t know why they are trying to force straight women into relationships they don’t want!

The only answer you would be happy with is if we all confessed that the reason we prefer our DHs to not want to have sex with other men is because we are biphobic. That’s what you are implying because obviously in your world it’s just not possible to have a want or need that excludes a portion of the population without it being some sort of deep seated homophobia.

No I haven’t just joined, I wasn’t on it yesterday having conversations with others also.

I have not called anyone homophobic nor have I said they need to be convinced. Asking questions about a matter and discussing it is a completely different thing to trying to persuade.

Can you quote this from me where I’ve said or inferred? I’d be interested to see it.

I don’t have an aversion. It’s likely the majority of women. It’s just questions surrounding a discussion.

Yes, I am straight. I’ve been married for 12 years to a man who also identifies as straight.

It’s not just questions. You don’t seem to be convinced of the face value of anyone’s answers. Like women can’t possibly want what they say they want without having to explain themselves

Leave him!

Yes, I’ve asked what that tangible impact is several times, upthread mostly. The answers have mainly involved the belief that their partner wouldn’t be fulfilled, the belief they’d be more likely to cheat and the belief they would infect them with an STD. In the discussion, I mentioned these were more imagined (or ‘what ifs’ if probably the better phrase), rather than tangible.

Don’t tell me whether my input is relevant.

The tangible difference would be in how I would feel about my partner. That’s enough for me. How I feel about my partner is very tangible to me.

You have gone on and on about it. As I said, we like what we like. I like my DH liking my body and he likes me liking his body. We both aren't turned on by the opposite. It is how we want to live our lives. So that is that and I'm not worried we are bad people for not doing anything different.

No, I haven’t called it biphobia once on this discussion. I have said it can be interesting to look at why we may have aversions to certain things that can drive our choices – but that the choice is always ultimately with the individual. I’m neither happy nor unhappy about any of this discussion, I feel rather neutral about it. The aversion to having a bisexual partner (a newly discovered one at least!) is definitely the majority opinion on MN and in real life I think.

It’s a discussion forum, so issues are discussed. Almost all of my posts here have been posed as questions, unless I am describing how I personally feel about one of the issues. I don’t have an issue if people want to answer them or not. And I’ve said several times that all women are entitled to want whatever they want in a relationship.

I said it is what you are implying. That somehow we have some sort of deep seated prejudice that drives our convictions instead of agency to want what we want without having to justify why and accept less.

I am entitled to feel whether input is relevant or not and can say it as I wish.

@Didimum you are no longer providing anything relevant here. You’re entitled to feel. We are entitled to feel.

I didn’t say it isn’t enough for you or that you aren’t entitled to it (in fact, I have said several times that you are). I don’t think we are understanding the word ‘tangible’ the same as each other in this particular subject.

“Identifies as straight” that’s an odd way to write about yourself and partner. What were you both before you chose to identify with straightness?

I’ve only replied to people who have replied to me on this thread. It’s having a discussion as there’s been a fair bit of back and forth.

I didn’t say anywhere anyone needed to be ‘worried’. I’ve said having a bisexual partner doesn’t change that they still like your body (or words to that effect).

A lot of the posts on this thread remind me of Nancy Kelley, former CEO of Stonewall, stating that 'it’s worth considering how societal prejudices may have shaped your attractions'. There's a constant implication, and it's sometimes been stated outright, throughout this thread that whatever reasons women give for stating their strong preference for a straight partner aren't genuine or good enough, that the real underlying reason must be biphobia or homophobia. This constant 'yeah but yeah but yeah but' is so freaking annoying.