Need a hand hold;My DH has come out as bisexual.

[Uberella]

As the title says;my husband told within the last days that he’s bisexual and I’m absolutely broken.

He says he loves me and still wants me but he’s attracted to men too.He said he wasn’t planning on leaving me or cheating with a man.

Without telling me first he’s told our DD’s who are 18 & 20 and now he wants to tell his friends.

I feel blindsided by this;I’m still trying to process what he’s told me and now he’s telling people before I’ve even had a chance to wrap my head around it.

I’m currently an absolute mess;it’s 1.30am,I can’t stop crying and I’ve got to be in work at 8am and I don’t actually know how I’m going to function in the morning.

I don’t know what my is going to look like and I’m just spiralling.

He’s telling you because he wants to offload a burden he’s been carrying around. But I’m highly suspicious that he hasn’t cheated. My guess is he has, he likes it, and thinks telling you he’s bisexual is a better message to deliver. If he’s not planning on seeing men, then again, he doesn’t need to share with friends and family. Because honestly, most people will find it strange that he’s sharing that information, if it’s not coupled with ‘and hence we’re getting divorced’.

Anyway, please go sick from work. Tell them you’ve been up all night vomiting & you'll be off tomorrow too (48hrs clear for sickness).

I'm sorry OP. I don't see why he is telling people he's into men if he isn't going to act on it.

I agree take a day of two off work while you wrap your head around it.

It’s very disrespectful that he has chosen to disclose his sexuality to others, who are not even adults yet, before you. I suspect he did so to try and manipulate you in to having less of a negative reaction to his dishonesty, out of fear of disappointing your children.

There is nothing wrong with preferring a partner whose attraction matrix is firmly pointed in your direction. However, you have clearly been married for a very long time and letting that go shouldn’t be done lightly. This could be as minor as him once hating coconut and now deciding he wants a coconut birthday cake. Nothing has to change if the two of you don’t want it to change.

that said, I would be extremely suspicious with the way he is behaving. Spreading this information far and wide immediately is unusual. I would doubt his claims of past fidelity and intent to remain in the marriage. I would start another conversation on any promiscuity because your health may be at risk. He owes you honesty in that regard because women in faithful marriages don’t tend to go get tested.

See a solicitor.

Not enough yuk for yours more like.
It's absolutely fine for straight people to want to have a straight partner. And it is 100% completely ok for people to only want to date people they are comfortable dating.

@beachcitygirl

Don't be so ridiculous!
What on earth are you talking about?

Of course people can decide not to date someone who is bisexual.
That's not in the slightest homophobic.

AND people can feel uncomfortable dating black men.
Or fat men, skinny, nice, bad, good, white, fucking pink.

The fact is OP has been married to a lie.
She thought she was marrying a straight man but she was marrying a bisexual man.
She was tricked.

I'm disgusted on your behalf OP.
Not because someone is bi but because he's lied, he's told your girls first, your marriage is untrue, he's kept this secret for years.

I'm so sorry. This stinks.
Hope you will be ok ❤

Yes, definitely.

Yep get your ducks in a row 💐

I can really understand that you are rattled - it's horrid to feel you don't really know someone. If it helps, I am bi and have been loyal to the same man for 20 years. I'm out, go on Pride marches, will talk to friends about it if the subject comes up. Just because you have had a Mars bar, doesn't mean you then hunger after a Snickers, you know? It's about who you are - and out of all the people in the world, he chose you. If he wants to explore, that's a different matter. That's not what you signed up for.

I’m guessing you also think lesbians who refuse to date transwomen are transphobic 🙄

Women are not put on Earth to be beards for bisexual men.

His kids are growing up living a life he aspires to and probably he’s jealous of their ability to be open about their sexuality.

He’s setting you all up, making it all open and to build a relationship with you all that’s nice so that when he drops the bombshell that he wants to date men it’s all ok.

ducks in a row op

I’d be highly suspicious that him telling you now, is because he’s been caught out at some ‘event’ (gay club/bar, car park/public toilet) or on a website maybe, and someone has threatened to tell you. Or he has actually been in a relationship with a man and been given an ultimatum?

Something has triggered this ‘confession’.

I would have to dump his sorry arse…he’s a lying, probably cheating, piece of shit.

Sorry OP he is absolutely intending to experiment.

Get an std check asap.

I’m really truly baffled at the responses here. There is zero evidence of any wrongdoing and assuming that someone will cheat because they are bi IS biphobic.

No wonder he put off telling you. The one person that is supposed to be his rock is making it all about her.

Not homophobic, but 🙄

People aren't suspecting he'll cheat because he's bi - it's because he's suddenly confessed. Why has he done that if he doesn't intend to act on it? Or has he acted on it already?

Exactly. Can't think why he didn't tell OP sooner, given the hysterics.

The one person who is supposed to be OPs rock has pulled the rug from under her!

Telling their daughters before telling her

Rushing to tell their friends without giving OP time to come to terms with something pretty fucking huge

OP isn’t making it about her, she is in need of support

What a horrible reply. I would not date a bisexual person ever. I am also not homophobic.

Nah, I'm a bisexual woman married to a man and the reason I don't announce it is because I have sod all intention of shagging anyone else. It's completely irrelevant that I dated women before I met DH.

It's not the bisexuality thats suspect, it's the behaviour, and particularly telling the kids first and gearing up to tell everyone else within minutes of telling his wife.

How did your children respond? How are they doing? Have they come to you since?