Am I odd for thinking this is a mean gift

[drycleanonly]

Back story - I’ve just turned 60, he’s 69. Seen him a couple of times before but for various reasons couldn’t accept his offer to his house last night, so he came to mine. With his uninvited and unexpected (but very welcome) ageing dog.
He brought a bottle of wine, but this is where my mind is blown. He also brought a three tomatoes from an opened pack of six and a thing of mozzarella.
Call me old fashioned, but I was feeling guilty for not being able to get to Marks and get an array of olives, cheeses, nice things.
Have I lost the plot after 23 years of marriage and my first date in the five years since my divorce, or is that a red flag? I was totally dumbfounded, tbh!!!

Because slice them up they make a nice caprese salad and on a hot evening a nice light refreshing snack to have with wine

I suspect OP wanted flowers and chocolates, despite having apparently got nothing in to host.

Bringing the dog is a bit of a red flag. The wine and salad really isn’t. OP’s entitled attitude is a bigger red flag than anything else.

That’s not a gift. I’d take it to be a starter.

Reading the opposing views on this thread almost feels like there are two different men under discussion: like half the posters are picturing a debonair Tom Hanks (he’s 69!) type turning up with nice wine and heirloom tomatoes from the allotment, mozzarella from the fromagerie, deftly creating a caprese with the garden basil; the other half are seeing Albert Steptoe shuffling in with a dog on a string and a crinkly plastic carrier bag containing wrinkled tomatoes, a leaky Tupperware of dubious cheese and a warm bottle of Liebfraumilch from the Tesco Express on the corner.

But even if it’s Albert she’s not bothered about the dog, and he’s still come round with a bottle of wine and the ingredients to a basic dish, I might not want to eat those wrinkly tomato’s and stinking cheese but I wouldn’t call them a mean gift, as that assumes he should have come with a better gift. Was the bottle of wine not enough? Why does his offerings of an accompaniment to the wine suddenly turn this old man in to some weird, stingey, man baby who is looking for a woman to care for him. It’s such a leap that I just cannot understand it lol

I think you sound very hard work. If you want to be treated like a princess then don't meet at home for a date, that's not a date that's hanging out. He brought wine and food to contribute, he's not mean. You are being really weird about this. I've no idea why you expected a gift, who gives gifts on dates? You sound grabby.

@Namechangean Totally agree! I’m team tomatoes here. I suppose I’m just wondering if the posters picturing Albert Steptoe – the anti-tomato brigade seem to overlap with the “69? He’s basically DEAD!” crowd – are picturing someone gross and thus judging the gift as gross. (And those of us who like a caprese are picturing nice tomatoes thus judging the man as nice!)

The only thing I can think of is they’ve never heard of a caprese salad so those ingredients are as random as him turning up with a tin of sardines and mango and so they think he was presenting it as a present for OP to enjoy later. OR that OP was expected to use those ingredients to rustle him up a dinner like ready stead cook

Richard Gere is 75. Pierce Brosnan is 72. Willem Dafoe and Tom Hanks are both 69-70. Recently I encountered historian Michael 'Snakehips' Wood who's still sexy at 74. Ade Edmondson is 68.

All the haters on here who are thinking that 69=Albert Steptoe are being ageist.

No, I wouldn't. Just bringing a bottle of wine is usually considered good enough if you're going for dinner somewhere. He brought even MORE because he brought food as well, but you're complaining and not really explaining what he's done wrong.

Hollywood age isn't really the same as real age, but I don't see what this has to do with anything anyway.

Yep. Comparing mature multi millionaires to the average bloke out there saying really isn’t based in reality.

Im nearly 60 myself - the average man a decade my senior is more likely to resemble Dobby than Denzel. That’s not ageist, it’s the truth .

What effort did you make?

She didn’t. She had vaguely contemplated getting a takeaway and felt guilty because she forgot to get nibbles such as olives etc - so in actual fact he made more effort.

Ah but lavish imaginary nibbles are more effort than actual food from the fridge!!

This. She sounds rather mean. He should be running.

Well, he and his dog went home. And he took his half pack of tomatoes and mozzarella with him. Plus the wine, because we’d drunk mine. Thanks to everyone for their input x

So? I wouldn't expect someone to bring anything to my house for a second date, hell I wouldn't expect someone to bring anything for a 20th date.

He brought you a bottle of wine as well, and you had turned down the invitation to his place. Massive over reaction, but if you want someone who is going to shower you with gifts then maybe look elsewhere.

For those wondering, I’d met him at a party a couple of months ago, together with his former wife (who by his own admission was a red flag). The host was very encouraging of me pursuing a date, so I trusted his judgment. He was right - he’s basically a nice bloke. But what swung it the other night was him emulating something I’d said. And not in a nice way.
Your comments have been very much appreciated and some have had me in complete stitches - Steptoe arriving with his dog on the end of a bit of string has me howling even as I write this! X

Nothing.

No. He mimicked something I’d said, in a disparaging way, and that did it for me. Took his cheese, tomatoes, wine and dog with him.

I think its quite sweet that he didn't want to leave his aging dog alone.. it shows what a caring soul he is and its no doubt the reason he wanted you to go to his home, I'd imagine, as he would be worried about his dog if he was away from it.
He should have spoken to you first about bringing said dog though, of course!

He took his wine home with him? That’s poor form. Even if you drink someone elses wine, then
you leave yours behind. That wine was a gift to the host, so no longer becomes yours once you’ve handed it over.

Did you tell him to take his wine home, or did he do it on his own accord?

He did it of his own accord.