Am I odd for thinking this is a mean gift

[drycleanonly]

Back story - I’ve just turned 60, he’s 69. Seen him a couple of times before but for various reasons couldn’t accept his offer to his house last night, so he came to mine. With his uninvited and unexpected (but very welcome) ageing dog.
He brought a bottle of wine, but this is where my mind is blown. He also brought a three tomatoes from an opened pack of six and a thing of mozzarella.
Call me old fashioned, but I was feeling guilty for not being able to get to Marks and get an array of olives, cheeses, nice things.
Have I lost the plot after 23 years of marriage and my first date in the five years since my divorce, or is that a red flag? I was totally dumbfounded, tbh!!!

By the way people that quote feature doesn’t appear on my phone, I have to put ‘@‘ symbol the select the name.
OP doesn’t look like you are coming back but did he just hand you the food and expect you to make a salad? Or did he say ‘I’ll bring a starter for us’? Considering you were not thinking of providing food yourself had you told him you might get a takeaway? I mean I think if I had those ingredients and thought they’d be useful I’d bring them, but maybe not on a date (certainly would to a mates house). Seems like a lack of communication here.
I have had pot luck dinner parties where some one said they’d bring a rice dish and just show up with uncooked rice, or do a salad and show up with a lettuce head and a couple peppers etc. totally defeating the purpose of bringing a prepared contribution.
The dog I’m meh about as people do seem to do this though I’d appreciate being asked first.

Call me old fashioned, but I was feeling guilty for not being able to get to Marks and get an array of olives, cheeses, nice things.

Hang on a minute, so you invited someone round to your house for a date yet had nothing in, not even nibbles? If that’s the case, I think it’s a case of pot kettle black regarding “cultural norms” to be honest.

He invited you to supper with him at his home last night — so presumably he was expecting to cook. Then you changed things and invited him to yours. I'm guessing he'd planned a tomato and mozzarella starter, which. seems perfect for the current weather, so he brought the ingredients as an offering towards the meal, not as a gift. And he bought wine. Is he supposed to greet you with some kind of special gift every time you meet. OP?

I'm the kind of person who turns up for drinks or a meal at someone else's with random veg I've grown on my allotment, or a packet of cashews to nibble with my wine.

To me he sounds pretty grounded and relaxed, which I would find more attractive than try-too-hard M&S nibbles.

Had he stopped off for basil, checked you had decent olive oil it would have been a lovely thought...

... maybe!

I don't see anything wrong with it. I'd be happy with a little snack of tomatoes and mozzarella with a glass of wine. If someone brought that to mine I would thank them, slice it up and serve it. I wouldn't assume they were expecting me to rustle up some elaborate meal with it.

I need more context. You’d invited him round to yours - did you say for dinner? Did you say you’d order takeaway? Did you just say, Would you like to come to mine tonight? What has it being the second date got to with anything? What kind of present were you expecting? He brought a bottle of wine, and the ingredients for a nice salad. What did you bring to the table?

Ha! Ok, so this has made me laugh so much as I could see my 75 year old dad doing this with the food. He's not odd, mean or rude, it would be a - 'well may as well use it up as it was going to waste' thing. So could be he was thinking along those lines. What did he say when you asked him why he'd brought them?

Not the dog though, that's rude.

Basically I don’t understand why you are expecting him to turn up with a gift after an ad hoc invitation to your house, especially when you seemingly had no plans to feed him other than ‘might get a takeaway’. Three tomatoes and a ball of mozzarella would be a bit of an odd birthday present but as a contribution to a meal, with a bottle of wine, it seems fine to me. You sound a bit precious.

But you were hosting the date. I wouldn't invite someone to my house and expect them to bring a meal. Isn't the usual etiquette you take a bottle of wine and a snack when you are the guest. What was you expecting him to bring?

You’ve got a bit of a cheek OP complaining about his contribution when you were the hostess but supplied nothing.

Taking open packets is always a no-no.

I really want a tomato and mozzarella salad now.

Bit odd to invite him over with no intention to make anything! Unless you had specifically told him to come over for some takeaway?
I think it does depend on whether he whipped up a lovely caprese salad with the tomatoes and mozzarella . If he did then this and a bottle of wine is a lovely contribution.
If he did just chuck his tomatoes in your salad drawer its a bit different

According to what, Debretts Guide to Food Waste

I have friends that would do this, I love it. They are relaxed and without ‘front’. It tomatoes and mozzarella, what else is needed. I’d be pleased they could be normal and relaxed with me

Why, my friends would feel relaxed enough to do that!

@drycleanonly you deserve far better than three tomatoes, a thing of mozzarella, and an unexpected dog 😂

Accept no less than someone who would meet you in the middle.

And after only 3 dates, in the honeymoon phase. Not much else I can say 😂😂

Thank god I’m married who knew there was an expectation to bring gift on a second date, or is it a charcuterie board that’s expected? I’m so confused!

He was born in the 50s and you in the 60s, you probably were raised and experienced quite different things as those generations were wildly different!

I truly can’t think of anything a nearly 70yr old man could bring to the table, and if he’s this selfish already, throw him back!

What did he do with the tomatoes and mozzarella?

What was selfish? Please explain I’m so confused

Just curious. What are you saying he should have done?

Bringing such meagre fare to OP's house.

Put an @ and start typing the name.

The original poster appears marked as OP. And their name is first.

I think he is reflecting the fact he is a 70yo man deeply entrenched in a patriarcal society that has told him that bringing two bits of food to prepare a salad makes him an amazing person.
I’d assume he has never entertained anyone at home too.

Same with the dog. Theres a whiff of ‘whatever I want is going’ sentiment going on….

He tried. At his level….