Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Husband won’t let me do the food shop *[content warning: concerns coercive control and financial and sexual abuse]

282 replies

Becksta1 · 08/07/2025 21:57

Hi everyone. Apologises for this completely random post but I would like some advice. For years now my husband has insisted on doing the food shop, on the very rare occasion that I do it he complains if I buy a couple of things that aren’t on the list. I broke down in tears a couple of weeks ago, well actually I’ve done this a few times, and shared with him that I would like to sometimes do the shop. He says I can’t because he doesn’t trust me to stick to the list. I know what he means, and it’s normally not big purchases but say if there’s a spice mix for example on special buy that I thought might be nice I’d probably buy it. It’s not a big purchase, it never would be. It could even be that I might pick up strawberries if I saw them and thought me or the kids or even my hubby might like to eat them. It’s never a lot, maybe only one or two additions at small costs. I know he does this too, in fact he doesn’t have a list when he goes shopping so I’m not sure what really counts. It’s not a money thing, if anything I’m the one that worries more about overspending. I’m not sure.
The other thing is he asks what I want to eat when he’s planning a shop (he likes to make dinner) when I put suggestions forward even if I offer to cook he basically says no so I don’t know why he’s even asking. He likes convenience food and I’m trying to eat more nourishing food. It’s got to a point now where I just don’t say because he’ll shut me down.
I find it very confusing and am looking for some advice really on how I could maybe prove that I can be trusted with things or be included in decisions around food and shopping.
Hope you’re all enjoying the sun xx

OP posts:
Becksta1 · 27/04/2026 08:38

goodThingGonewrong · 27/04/2026 08:19

@Becksta1 , I am sorry but he is still sexually abusing you. I think your reaction is quite normal, you don’t want to remember it so your mind stores it away. At a later dater it may present itself as post traumatic stress disorder.
Sadly he knows what he’s doing and you do know that sexual abuse is the worst type of domestic abuse ( they are all awful but this is considered one of the most dangerous.
It is common for women to “give in” when their partners start without consent in an abusive relationship as the alternative is coming to terms with being raped by your husband.

Is he working from home all the time? Are the cameras at the door in place now?

Thank you for replying. I have PTSD already from sexual abuse as a child. I have had counselling and EMDR for this but I

OP posts:
Becksta1 · 27/04/2026 10:30

Sorry I must’ve clicked send too early as only part of my reply is showing. He always works from home but once every quarter he goes on a work visit but only for the day as he likes to come home and be with us.

the cameras are still there yes.

i don’t think it’s rape because it’s only sexual touching. There’s only a couple of times that I’ve just had sex so it’s over but it wasn’t forced. I think that’s why he thinks we have none verbal sex sometimes. If I don’t respond and just lie there during the touching he touches but there’s no sex.

OP posts:
goodThingGonewrong · 27/04/2026 13:16

@Becksta1 why don’t you create a new thread and add the link to this one? Get more support. I will join it of course. Add the link on here. I think the support from multiple ladies will help too.

Your husband sounds very very controlling.

alexdgr8 · 27/04/2026 13:33

Could you go to the GP and tell them about the weight loss.
If he asks why you're going say digestive issues.
Which it is in a way since the atmosphere ie he is making you too tense to eat properly.
I would urge you to share the real reason with the GP.
All the best.

Becksta1 · 27/04/2026 18:46

I’ve added a new post. Thank you for suggesting it www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5522467-seeking-gentle-support-after-recognising-abuse-and-coercive-control?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

OP posts:
goodThingGonewrong · 27/04/2026 19:21

You’re welcome, I wanted you to get more support lovely.
I will follow that one now x

Contrarymary30 · 07/05/2026 00:13

Makingpeace · 08/07/2025 22:02

Do an online shop from somewhere like Tesco, then you won't be swayed by middle aisles or bulk buy bargains because you won't physically be there to see them, and you can both add to the online basket if you both share the log in details.

Edited

This is not the point . She's being controlled massively by this prick . Rather than do an online shop she would be better to contact womens aid .😡

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread