Thinking trying OLD… what do I need to know?

[Itisallgoingtobeok]

Out of a several decade long marriage for a couple of years and feel like it’s time for me to dip my toe in the water of dating again.

I’ve been mulling over OLD but the horror stories are putting me off a little bit.

So, what do I need to know? I haven’t been on a date since I was 19! All help gratefully received! Safety tips? Dating etiquette? Red flags to look out for, even better green flags to look out for. I’m working on a thicker skin as we speak!

Feel free to talk me down if you think it’s a terrible idea, or egg me on if you think it’s a great idea.

He was saying all the right things about wanting to get to know me right up until a few hours before the second date. Then didn’t gently say he didn’t want to see me again. I’d say that’s pretty poor behaviour.

It isn’t all about looks for me either , but I do want someone I’m attracted to that I click with , so a geuine person..
I’m not beautiful either , but I am attractive & I am geuine ..
I just find the guys I click with are attractive but more often than not , not so geuine , players !
The guys then that I have met , that have better personalities than looks , I just go off of them 🙈

What am I like ! 😂..

I did this too. Have had two relationships since the (eventual) end of marriage, four years ago, aged 60😀. One lasted two years , and am now 7 months into a relationship that is the healthiest and most fun I’ve ever had. Both met through hobby groups, so already had lots of friends in common which really helps you get to know a person.
Also the PP laundry list-you are more likely to open to someone who didn’t tick all the boxes if you meet them in RL. Neither of mine have more than GCSEs (I have postgrad) and one of them mixes up ‘their’ and ‘there’😂 My age would have weeded me out on the apps too, if I had been truthful, as I am 7 years older than one and 6 years older than the other. But in RL people don’t initially know your age and both assumed I was their age or younger.
But they are both very clever, funny, kind (tall😂) good looking, and have good long standing friends who are also kind and generous -so a real testament to their character and reliability.
I have a friend with a similar list, is permanently on OLD, has no RL social life, despite living in a lovely and lively south coast town with a vibrant community, and is fconstantly disappointed by the men on OLD.
Mine never would have happened through OLD, because would not have occurred to either of the two men to do that as they weren’t actively looking for a relationship at the time (widowed) , and I would ever do that after numerous horror stories from friends.
So I really would urge you just to get out, go to events, make lots of new female friends and focus having an interesting and enjoyable social and sporting life and drop the apps…

I’m maxed out on hobbies. Fitting it around work isn’t easy as I have a long commute. I did wonder about taking the train to work again, changing carriages to see if I meet anyone that way! 😂

Any change in routine is good! You might even meet your new BFF on the commute who introduces you to her gorgeous newly single brother/cousin/neighbour/colleage/…dad😂😂

You need to know that half the guys on there are lying to you , the other half are genuine it's a case of being very aware and vigilant

@LupaMoonhowlwouldn't that be brilliant!

I think you're being very generous with those fractions!

As many as half are genuine? I think that might be over optimistic!

Yes , I agree completely..
Half are not geuine & that is for sure !
If only 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think some people are very negative about OLD and yes based on their own experiences. I know many successful couples who have met online and in all age categories. You have to control the narrative here and be strict from the outset with the things you allow. The best thing I ever read about OLD was on MN and it was the story about walking into a pub of 100 men. How many of those would you find attractive? How many of that number would find you attractive? It's a numbers game. It does work though for people who have limited ways of meeting others. It's like life in general - there's going to be dicks and there's going to be normal people 🤷‍♀️

I think(hope) it’s easier to spot the awful ones in real life!

Yes for one thing you see their teeth!

Do men really send obscene pics? Surely that is reportable?

I'm just being nosey, if I wasn't married I'd prefer to stay single.

A friend was dating and the chap seemed lovely but turned out to be a real git of the first order.

😂😂

Yep, and yes you can report and block them. Someone tried to send me a video the other day. He seemed quite shocked that I didn’t want to watch an unsolicited video from a man I didn’t know…

Wanted to add a vomit emoji but can't find one. Vile specimens.

Thanks for the heads up, if I am single again I think I will stick to shopping to get my kicks.

People who are married always say " oh I would not get married again" blah blah but they don't know how it can be when you are single. It's not like your husband out at the football and you know he's coming home. Women can also be quick to dismiss all men on OLD - " well they will be a bunch of losers if they are on there" . Does that go for the women too - a bunch of losers?

I have been single, I loved it.

I’ve been single 5 years and I don’t ever want a full on relationship again. I would never in a million years cohabit again - my own space is priceless. I don’t ever feel lonely - I'm glad I get home from work and don’t have to have a conversation with another human if i choose not too.

I really love my peace and space, but I also miss the intimacy of having a partner, physical, emotional and intellectual.

@Itisallgoingtobeok that's exactly how I feel right now. Separated/Divorced in 2015/16 all amicable, met partner early 2017 but he died in 2022 after a mental breakdown and I've been single ever since. Don't really want to fall in love again as it hurts too much when it ends but would like the physical contact again, just someone other than my admittedly amazing adult children to give me a hug, someone to snuggle under the duvet with occasionally or walk hand in hand through the autumn morning with the dog. But definitely dont want to share my space ever again.

There seems to be a general consensus that OLD isn't what it used to be, so a lot of the positive stories have come from pre-2020.

6.30pm news on R4 absolutely appalling reporting . GL arrested and 10k other criminals released on tag
oops sorry wrong thread

That’s true… I hadn’t recognised that most of the positive experiences are from quite a long time ago now.