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Original poster

asked me why I was playing with myself during sex!

311 replies

goodThingGonewrong · 01/07/2025 08:04

Exactly as the title says. Dp suggested sex when we went to bed last night, when I said yes he said we couldn’t as I had my period. I told him it was finished then he said to have sex in the morning, I was a bit deflated by that. However 5 mins lasted he was guiding me to touch and go down on him. No foreplay for me so I did feel it a bit hard to get into on my side. We eventually had piv and even though I was wet, I did need some more stimulation so I started to play with my clit while he was inside me. He asked me once why I was playing with myself but I didn’t hear and he asked again. I just said because I enjoy it but recently there’s been no or little foreplay from him, I want to speak to him today, it needs to be addressed as things obviously didn’t feel right for him either.

Also so it’s not a drip feed he’s even asked me on the past to play with myself and vice versa…, it’s not a new thing. It just wasn’t in his request.

Looking for advice on how I bring this up so conversation openers and pointers would be good.

I have obviously name changed for this post:

OP posts:
Daftapath · 10/07/2025 12:46

How has he responded since he has ‘processed it’?

I think most people who wanted a relationship to work would jump at your suggestion to improve things. What you are asking is not in any way unreasonable.

It may seem harder at first but I would imagine any regular conversation would become much easier and more natural after a while.

Original poster
goodThingGonewrong · 10/07/2025 17:16

@Daftapath you’d think he’d have processed it all by now. He wants to talk when I see him next. I am mindful of me raising the “let’s have a talk” , I want him to be proactive. I see him on Monday as I’ll be staying over for a few days as that’s my routine when I don’t have my younger dc ( older one is a young adult and who is travelling on a gap year).

OP posts:
ArealAdultHumanFemale · 10/07/2025 20:58

Why on earth are you still having sex with this man?

sandyhappypeople · 10/07/2025 22:40

goodThingGonewrong · 10/07/2025 17:16

@Daftapath you’d think he’d have processed it all by now. He wants to talk when I see him next. I am mindful of me raising the “let’s have a talk” , I want him to be proactive. I see him on Monday as I’ll be staying over for a few days as that’s my routine when I don’t have my younger dc ( older one is a young adult and who is travelling on a gap year).

Well this is his chance to prove he is willing to work on himself and stop being so selfish, let him instigate the conversation and try and take a back seat if you can.

He may let you do all the talking, agree to what you say then not have the slightest intention of changing things long term, he'll probably do just enough to make you doubt yourself, and keep you thinking that it's not worth binning the relationship, and over time it will go back to him always prioritising himself.

I hope it goes the way you want it to OP, please don't settle though, no one who loves you would EVER make you feel bad for wanting a perfectly normal reciprocating relationship.

Daftapath · 10/07/2025 23:58

sandyhappypeople · 10/07/2025 22:40

Well this is his chance to prove he is willing to work on himself and stop being so selfish, let him instigate the conversation and try and take a back seat if you can.

He may let you do all the talking, agree to what you say then not have the slightest intention of changing things long term, he'll probably do just enough to make you doubt yourself, and keep you thinking that it's not worth binning the relationship, and over time it will go back to him always prioritising himself.

I hope it goes the way you want it to OP, please don't settle though, no one who loves you would EVER make you feel bad for wanting a perfectly normal reciprocating relationship.

Show quote history

I absolutely agree!

Original poster
goodThingGonewrong · 13/07/2025 22:34

I’m going to stay at his place for a few days. I’m going in the morning as I have an International job so apart from my assistant, my other team members are all over the world so I’ll work from there.
I don’t have any expectations for him to discuss anything. Although he is upset about his bil, I do think it’s another reason for him to hide behind. But I have told him it’s not up to me to fix everything in our relationship. He just thinking I’m difficult because I don’t stfu.
Im still going on holiday with him but booking a holiday for my parents and dc for next month. I always do this as my kids aren’t keen on blended family holidays with his dc. Not sure why I’m still writing but it’s good to write my thoughts down even if no one is reading. It feels a bit hopeless now.

OP posts:
AJLOAL · 14/07/2025 05:52

Hang on in there a bit longer, see if he has reflected and is willing to change, and mean it.

Coatsoff42 · 16/07/2025 07:45

You can watch and wait, see if things improve. Or you can call it quits, as you are very disenchanted. Both options are fine.

Its your One Wild and Precious Life, as the poem goes.
There’s nothing wrong with your reflecting on what you want, or you acting impulsively and going with your gut.

i hope you are ok x

Y2ker · 16/07/2025 09:25

Coatsoff42 · 16/07/2025 07:45

You can watch and wait, see if things improve. Or you can call it quits, as you are very disenchanted. Both options are fine.

Its your One Wild and Precious Life, as the poem goes.
There’s nothing wrong with your reflecting on what you want, or you acting impulsively and going with your gut.

i hope you are ok x

This is very good advice that we all need to take. Don't tie yourself in knots to appease someone who pays you such little regard.

Daftapath · 17/07/2025 07:26

How is it going op?

Original poster
goodThingGonewrong · 20/07/2025 22:17

@Daftapath not much of an update. We’d actually planned a really nice weekend in and when I arrived at dp’s yesterday champagne was in the fridge and he’d brought me flowers. I’d brought ingredients and dessert as I was going to cook. However, he was coming down with something but by last night it was evident he has bloody covid! So I’m sleeping in a bunk bed atm and was woken up at least 6 times by him being poorly and needing care last night 😬

We go away next week (with his dc) so nothing is resolved. We always have our own room so that’s not an issue and I was really hoping he would try and talk to me. All he’s said since I’ve been here is that he loves me ( which I suppose is his way of saying he appreciates me taking care of him).

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 20/07/2025 23:04

Being poorly and needing care? What did this entail?

I got the ick just reading that sentence

Original poster
goodThingGonewrong · 20/07/2025 23:15

Water, blankets, painkillers .., honestly I had easier nights when my dc were babies 🤣 I don’t mind looking after him but he does have a tendency to become a man baby in times of illness.

OP posts:
Longyitudeed · 20/07/2025 23:24

Go home. He sounds worse with every post.

AJLOAL · 21/07/2025 01:26

goodThingGonewrong · 20/07/2025 22:17

@Daftapath not much of an update. We’d actually planned a really nice weekend in and when I arrived at dp’s yesterday champagne was in the fridge and he’d brought me flowers. I’d brought ingredients and dessert as I was going to cook. However, he was coming down with something but by last night it was evident he has bloody covid! So I’m sleeping in a bunk bed atm and was woken up at least 6 times by him being poorly and needing care last night 😬

We go away next week (with his dc) so nothing is resolved. We always have our own room so that’s not an issue and I was really hoping he would try and talk to me. All he’s said since I’ve been here is that he loves me ( which I suppose is his way of saying he appreciates me taking care of him).

I hope you don't get it and are poorly on holiday!

Original poster
goodThingGonewrong · 21/07/2025 02:44

@AJLOAL thanks, yes I’m so scared to get it. I’ve been wearing a mask and sanitising stuff like crazy. I do get it bad like my partner and I can’t afford to.

OP posts:
Coatsoff42 · 21/07/2025 09:30

It would be interesting to see if he can look after you as well as you have looked after him. On the surface it seems like you are prioritising his needs again, which is fine if it’s equal, but I suspect it might be one sided, like other things, and there will be excuses why he can’t do the same for you.

Longyitudeed · 21/07/2025 09:49

goodThingGonewrong · 21/07/2025 02:44

@AJLOAL thanks, yes I’m so scared to get it. I’ve been wearing a mask and sanitising stuff like crazy. I do get it bad like my partner and I can’t afford to.

Why on earth would you put yourself at risk like this?
Madness.

HorrorFan81 · 21/07/2025 10:45

Good god he sounds insufferable. I didn't have to do that much with my kids when they had covid

Tiswa · 21/07/2025 10:49

Why do you stay with this man OP who compromises your boundaries at every step.

6 times in 1 night is ridiculous I don’t think I have ever done that with mine even as babies or when they were ill in hospitsl

Original poster
goodThingGonewrong · 22/07/2025 22:38

I am listening ladies, I’m still here.
I really thought I’d found the one to be honest but clearly not. My bar seems low.

OP posts:
BuckChuckets · 23/07/2025 09:53

I've been reading the thread aghast that you're still giving it a try with this selfish man, and nothing you're saying about him is any better!

Please, please believe that you deserve so much more.

PolyCat · 23/07/2025 12:37

I feel your pain. It’s also much harder to date when you’re older. Sending hugs!

Original poster
goodThingGonewrong · 23/07/2025 12:45

PolyCat · 23/07/2025 12:37

I feel your pain. It’s also much harder to date when you’re older. Sending hugs!

Thank you, you have been very kind to me on this thread x

OP posts:
Original poster
goodThingGonewrong · 27/07/2025 22:00

We are going away tomorrow for a week. 2 things I have firmly decided after a day of arguements over text are 1) blow jobs will not be available for the holiday as why should I do something for him when he cares so little about my needs? 2) I won’t be playing mother to his dc - he will need to do it all.

I have planned I will go to yoga or Pilates every morning and also have my usual few hours away from the family on the beach. I really wish I wasn’t going but my ticket was non refundable.

I’ve seen a really nasty and rude side to him these last few weeks.i don’t even know how I will cope with seeing him tomorrow. Does anyone have any practical tips to get through the week away.

OP posts: