asked me why I was playing with myself during sex!

[goodThingGonewrong]

Exactly as the title says. Dp suggested sex when we went to bed last night, when I said yes he said we couldn’t as I had my period. I told him it was finished then he said to have sex in the morning, I was a bit deflated by that. However 5 mins lasted he was guiding me to touch and go down on him. No foreplay for me so I did feel it a bit hard to get into on my side. We eventually had piv and even though I was wet, I did need some more stimulation so I started to play with my clit while he was inside me. He asked me once why I was playing with myself but I didn’t hear and he asked again. I just said because I enjoy it but recently there’s been no or little foreplay from him, I want to speak to him today, it needs to be addressed as things obviously didn’t feel right for him either.

Also so it’s not a drip feed he’s even asked me on the past to play with myself and vice versa…, it’s not a new thing. It just wasn’t in his request.

Looking for advice on how I bring this up so conversation openers and pointers would be good.

I have obviously name changed for this post:

Good books, headphones, shades, lots of garlic, onions, big pants in bed!

Haha I’ve packed everything apart from the big knickers! I haven’t packed any lingerie at all 😅 I want to look really sexy all day then make sure I go to sleep while he’s putting his dc to bed!

Have you got any cash to book a separate room 😅 don't forget to pack wooden stakes, silver bullets, and a big hat to block him from your vision.

Is there a local church where you could suddenly convert to Catholicism and become a nun? Spend the evenings in prayer/meditation?

I'd bring lots of ibuprofen and have a migraine and your period.

Where is the laughing emoji when I need it! Thank you xx 🤣🤣

Honestly I wouldn’t go at all. How old are his dc? I totally get why you don’t want to be responsible for them, but being on holiday with an adult who doesn’t really want anything to do with them doesn’t sound great for them. Obviously a bit different if they’re older/independent.

You’ve already got the week off work I’d do some nice things for yourself and chill out knowing he’s somewhere far away. It’s annoying to have wasted the money but a bad holiday is wasted money anyway.

I'm 100% with you OP, but I'm also thinking about how awful this holiday may be for the kids having to spend it in such a hostile environment, please don't punish them by ignoring their existence or not being present for them, it's not their fault he is a shit partner.

Either don't go, or go and have a good time on your terms, without giving in to his selfish behaviour, then dump him the second the holiday is over.

Thanks! I will go as I think that will be more horrible for kids as they will have a pissed off or possibly upset dad and expecting me plus it’s a lot of money to piss down the drain. I will engage with kids but more like a fun aunt and not a step parent.. Kids are 8 and 10 now so over already done the harder work when they were younger!

I am very upset with him. He had an argument over text yesterday and he said I left him while he had Covid. Fact is I got there on Saturday when he was coming down with it, made him a homemade soup his mum makes and took care of his every need till I went home on Wednesday as my younger dc was coming home! I did everything in the house from disinfecting all the surfaces regularly, washing, cooking ect as he was in a very bad way. He was rude about a few other things too. No apology either. He thanked me at the time but threw it in my face!

Such an entitled man. Unpaid nurse and housekeeper for 4 days and it’s not enough?
I wouldn’t go on the holiday, it sounds like you’ll spend the week resenting him.
But if you do go, take books, download movies, do yoga, take face masks, hair masks, earplugs, eye masks, basically ignore him and try to come home looking like you’ve been on a spa break. There might be a much nicer, more handsome man at the airport.
I can’t see this relationship continuing much longer, you must be pretty fed up now.

Please say you're ending the relationship after the holiday!

This!

It seemed all about him before but he is becoming even more entitled! I understand why you don’t want to waste the holiday/money but I can’t imagine it will be that relaxing with him. Can you get your own room?

I do hope that you are now at the point of ending things with him as soon as you return? You deserve so much better!

I wouldn’t want to waste money spent on holiday either 🤷🏻‍♀️ OP is her own person and has control over her own actions, experiences and mood.

Last time I went to Italy, in Naples my phone and wallet were stolen literally day 1 of my two week vacation. Of course I was upset that day, but did I let that turn me around and go back home? No, because I was there and was determined to have a good time.

I imagine with the kids there, there wasn’t a plan for a ton of sex either, and OP is not the parent so she can go off on her own if she is feeling dragged down.

Clearly you have been his skivvy aupair for years.

I am so sorry but when you make so little of yourself for someone, they believe they czn really treat you like dirt.

Be permanently exhausted on the holiday.
Leave it all to him.
You need peace and quiet.
If you can get a cheap separate room doing because of potential illness.

Rest up and dump him asap.
You have wasted enough time on him.

I haven’t posted any update as I got quite a few disgusting dm’s from males in the last few days. Not happy for my space to be invaded in that way. It’s seems they are migrating from the sex board to the relationship board 🤬

Creeps

Sorry you’ve got that kind of trouble when you’ve got enough real life trouble as it is! At least you know if you wanted a disgusting cellar dwelling troll specimen to date, you could find one easily enough.

Yuk. I hope you reported them.

I got back from holiday a few days ago. It went surprisingly well …. It was a bit like a reset button was hit as we stopped the bickering and arguements have stopped too. He was very affectionate with me and he arranged and paid for a massage with a specialist, as I’ve had a trapped nerve. That was quite thoughtful as he went and made all the enquiries and booked me an assessment. I did join in with fun things with the dc as it would be petty not to but I left all the parenting to him ( I only stepped in when needed or if i could see kids were doing something that was harmful to themselves) . But I did loads for myself - yoga, sauna everyday, walk on my own on the beach and some shopping. I feel a bit more hopeful though will how to see how next week and preceding weeks will be.

I think that one thing I said stuck with him
and he realised he was going to lose me, I said to him that he was too busy fighting with me ( arguing) to try and fight to keep me. After I said that he apologised straight away. Will have to see how things go. He’s coming to stay for a week from Monday as my dc go on holiday with their father.

OP I suggest you read through this thread again before being too hopeful.

There's always hope, and guilt. Asper @BuckChuckets, read it again and don't sign up for a yo-yo misery life.

Oxytocin is a dangerous drug.

I am just wondering if we were / are going through a rough patch? But yes I will re read the thread later tonight. I do see the sense in what’s been advised to me.

I am just wondering if we were / are going through a rough patch? But yes I will re read the thread later tonight. I do see the sense in what’s been advised to me.

It's lovely to hear you had a good, relaxing holiday, I'm very pleased for you. I sincerely hope this has been the wake-up call he needed, only time will tell but I'm pretty sure you won't be so forgiving and hang around if he behaves like a twat again. 🤗

Well if it goes tits up I’ve had the offer of a threesome in my pm’s - that’s a first, even for me!

There's an option to report PMs. Report it and the bosses will deal with whoever sent it.

The bad patch started years ago: "between 2023/24 he stopped going down on it, I brought it up because one day during the act I asked him to, twice and he ignored me." "When my partner does his once a month quota, he's actually quite good and I orgasm but I can never switch off, I’m always thinking he hates this and shouldn’t be doing it."

Arranging dates and massages surely doesn't compensate for the lack of care, conversation, attention, interest, basic kindness?

Do report the PMs to MN.