My boyfriend isn’t talking to me after a night out

[sad2025]

I don’t often go out late in the evenings but I had a work invitation to go to a really nice event, as there were free drinks there I had a few but by no means was I drunk
My partner collected me from the station and stayed the night but has been ignoring ever since
I am racking my brains to think of what I could have done because now I feel stressed and anxious and cannot sleep
The only thing he has said to me is I should know why because of Tuesday night

He wants you to stop going out. It’s a control game that has left you confused. Him picking you up was probably so he knew where you were and who you were with.

It’s not you, it’s him.

How can you be helped here into leaving your abuser?. He will destroy you from the inside out if you keep on seeing him and you’ve ready been with him for four years. He’s had four years already to grind you down .

What were you like prior to meeting?. I would think a lot hsppier and less spaghetti head than you are now.

He wants to keep you in a cage of his own paranoid making. Such controlling behaviour he shows you is abusive in nature and is absolutely about control. his sulks are also a means of punishing you for committing done transgression in his head.

You are alone now in this so called relationship. If you were to read Why does he do that? Written by Lundy Bancroft, this bloke is in those pages.

If someone else was writing this what would your counsel be?.

He's punishing you for going out without him, RUN FOR THE HILLS

Oh ffs - it’s time for the BIN. He’s old enough to know better than this.

You'll be so much happier on your own than with this controlling idiot

He is abusive… and has no respect for you… 4 years is too long to walk on eggshells

if you break up with him…. He find a new gf in a week and tell her how bad you were and going out all night

You need to see this as the final straw and leave.

You knew he would do this because he is a nasty controlling bully.

These men are inadequate and being horrible is all they've got. It's pathetic. My DH asks me if I had a good time if I go out, even if I come home utterly wrecked.

LTB.

Dump him.
There are better blokes out there.

If a man of that age is talking body count (and doesn’t mean dead bodies) that says a lot about him - he needs to grow up.

Why are are with this manipulator?

OP, your experience reminds me of mine and an ex. Massive red flags that I also didn't quite understand at the time and it took away many good years of my life and many other years to recover when I left him. The impact on my health was terrible.
This is not about you, this is toxic behaviour of a man who is trying to control you through guilt. I know it is normal to think that you invested years in the relationship, but please take it down to experience and move on before you waste even more years. And seek your own therapy so you can understand yourself better and what makes you tollerate such a relationship. It will be transformational. Whatever fears or anxiety you might experience, feel them and carry on with decisions that put your health and wellbeing at the front. You deserve so much more out of a relationship, everyone does. People like him cause a lot of damage and do not change in my experience. Wishing you life expanding liberation x

I was going to ask what is he like when you go out with friends without him, if you rarely do this because of him you know that is wrong. Wait for him to contact you when he does tell him you have joined a pub quiz team that meets every week and you've joined a gymn and a book club if he reacts negatively you'll know what a controlling bastard he is. I'm surprised he hasn't tried to move in with you.

Stop being his lap dog and leave.

Better to be lonely than controlled by that prick.

I suspect he is punishing you for having a nice time. Is he controlling?

Ditch this nasty controlling loser.

I thought you were going to say you were early 20s and had been together a couple of months! How on earth have you suffered 4 years of this? Cut your losses now.

Oh he sounds awful! He’s trying to control you. You’ve done nothing wrong and he’s trying x

This is awful.

Imagine living without this anxiety.

It's a form of control. It's working very well on you.

You will be so grateful when he starts talking to you again and filled with dread about the next time he doesn't.

Please don't live like this.

He's trying to stop you from going out. Making you feel uncomfortable about it in case he doesn't speak to you afterwards.

Nasty little man.

100% this. If he won’t use his words, you use yours.

@sad2025 I know you don't want to be "lonely" if he leaves, but you won't be. All the times you haven't gone out to meet up with a friend, go out and just have fun somewhere and be able to invite friends over will make your life, not lonely, but free.
He has made you feel you need to walk on eggshells to not upset him, and he has diminished your life, not enriched it one single bit.

As PP have said: It is one thing to be alone, with your dog. It is quite another to feel lonely with a dog AND a partner who is controlling your life and not letting you have the freedom and support you deserve.

Your "partner" has so many 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩he could line the A1 with a flag every foot and still have enough to please a Communist parade director.

Toss this one back into the ocean and get your freedom and self-esteem back.

Is this how you REALLY want to spend your one life on this earth?

Sounds like your life would be infinitely better without that controlling, narcissistic twat OP.

id rather be nicely than treading on eggshells for daring to go to an event.

Huge red flags. End it before he gets even more controlling and manipulative.

This is beyond awful. There are so many red flags it could be a communist parade. Please do bin this pathetic insecure abusive man child. Body count? At 50? FFS. Sulking?! Not speaking to you? You having to play guess what I’ve done to upset him!? You expected to chase him and reassure him.? Oh my god, there is so much wrong with this man I can’t believe you’ve tolerated this for four years.

Get rid. Enjoy your life. Being alone doesn’t mean being lonely. And you’ll meet someone else at some point anyway. I do think you should spend some time on your own for a bit and work on your self esteem. I mean that in a nice way. You’ve been damaged by this man and his childish sulking and controlling behaviour. You need a bit of time to repair and rebuild. You deserve better than this. Your radar was right. This is not the man for you.

All your decent love and care has fallen on stoney ground OP and all you get back is mistrust and sulks from him ….and terrible anxiety and loneliness which prevents you from functioning properly.
This isn’t a relationship that is growing and being nurtured by him at all. His coldness and silent punishment for your other boyfriend is nonsense and should never have be tolerated for even a minute.
He enjoys punishing you OP.

Don’t message him.
Don’t give him any sign other than that you are done with his fantasy about another boyfriend and done with his emotional abuse.
Don’t even feel sorry about it. Be glad you can drop him without any hassle.

You are entitled to be happy OP. It’s your duty to yourself to keep yourself happy and healthy and stable. Nobody else can fight your corner for you. We are all alone in that respect.

His stunted emotional development is definitely not your problem. It is draining your health. Don’t allow him to inflict his abnormality and silent dramas on you for one second longer. Get yourself right out of his trap. Be done with it and him.
You deserve to feel better.
Good luck OP.