My boyfriend isn’t talking to me after a night out

[sad2025]

I don’t often go out late in the evenings but I had a work invitation to go to a really nice event, as there were free drinks there I had a few but by no means was I drunk
My partner collected me from the station and stayed the night but has been ignoring ever since
I am racking my brains to think of what I could have done because now I feel stressed and anxious and cannot sleep
The only thing he has said to me is I should know why because of Tuesday night

He is one red flag after another. His behaviour is toxic and controlling.

You've got every single bit of information you need about whether you should remain in this awful situation. Don't squander another single day on him. There's a better, brighter, easier, happier life out there.

Your life partner should uplift you, encourage you, support you and help you grow. Not shut you down, ignore you, distrust you and leave you feeling guilty for just trying to live your life.

Run, don't walk.

This this this this this

Tell him to grow up

'I guess I should look hard at the fact that I knew he would act up and he has"
It starts with a slow build but deep down your know it isn't right (you are not to blame) You're subsequent updates are more telling of a 4 year abusive relationship. Please get rid of this man; it will not get better.
Do not be afraid of being alone, or afraid of your age (as you mentioned it and it is worth noting that some of us don't want to be alone). But I can guarantee you the freedom away from "crumbs" of affection versus the anxiety of his anger / disappointment/ control will be so much better. It's amazing to feel so free. It's not about age, I did this cycle with an abusive man during my "best years". Once I was ok with not accepting this shit and being just me (by the way there are no timelines on this) I found my soulmate.

OP he’s done a right number on you if you’re worrying about what you’ve done wrong. I can tell from your posts exactly what you’ve done wrong - absolutely nothing (apart from stay with this loser)

He’s controlling, he’s jealous, he’s manipulative, he’s needy, he’s an gaslighter, he’s emotionally abusive. Anyone who makes you feel sick and anxious is just not worth it. Please get rid. Will you feel sick and anxious on your own? I think not. He will only get worse not better. Dump him.

Two days! Wow, that's really off. He wants you to only be available to him. Not a good person to be with.

Stay away from him; he's toxic.

Someone saying you have another boyfriend (based on absolutely nothing) Should be an immediate dump. He's a lying, irrational, manipulative abuser.

I went to a party and came home slightly tipsy but by no means drunk I keep thinking about what I could have done but there is nothing I can think of

So how would your boyfriend know if you did something he'd disapprove of?

Or maybe he just disapproves of you going out without him and getting slightly tipsy. In which case, bin him. Honestly, I'm guessing you're fairly young, but please don't get into any needy man-pleasing behaviour. He takes you as he finds you. You are allowed to go out with friends. You are allowed to have fun and get slightly tipsy without his supervision and without him around.
If he's ignoring you now then ignore him back. Because going forward, it'll just get worse until you don't feel like you can leave the house without his say so.

No, if you're young free and single you need to throw this one back. Seriously.

You should join the Freedom Programme. I think it's free and reportedly excellent

I guess I am just trying to unpick my feelings around this as I feel sick and anxious at the moment

Get rid of him and the sickness and anxiety will go away with him.
It's not you. It's him.

And now you know what will happen if you ever marry this guy. He doesn’t want you to go out. Just remember, that doesn’t make you special. It just shows you how he plans to control you in the future. He’s giving you a heads up. Find someone else. He doesn’t trust you or is just a control freak. Neither is good. Find a better man

This has disaster written all over it

There is nothing lonelier than being in a relationship that you cannot trust.

Please do not mistake this for love. It’s not love. It’s control

I guess I should look hard at the fact that I knew he would act up and he has

Yes! You need to take courage from that and dump him. He has absolutely no right at all to "act up" at his partner attending a work event, particularly one that she looks forward to. And likely attended long before they met.

You have to start as you mean to go on. So if he can't hack it that you have a life, even a work life, outside him, then now you know the future will be fraught with difficulty in this area. Honestly, at best it's shit to have a partner like this, but at worst it can ruin the rest of your life. Please wave him goodbye.

I know he will use the fact that I haven’t chased him for a response as proof I am with another man

He either knows that's not true, or he really thinks that's true.

If he knows it's not true but is just using it to terrorise you then you need to dump him. If he genuinely thinks it's true and it's not then he has a mental health issue.

Either way, you need to wave goodbye to him.

Honestly I'd ask him why, if I had another man, I'd put up with him and his moods

That's an amazingly obvious and clever retort that I've never previously thought of! It's so true!! Why would I put up with your sorry arse if I have this gorgeous Adonis bloke that I meet at bingo every Thursday that wants to take me away from all this?

Trouble is, women who would be feisty enough to say this would probably not have become involved with a coercive man in the first place. It's really shit for women who have been programmed to take second place to men always.
I was, but I grew out of it, and so did my husband.

Does he feel he should have been invited and annoyed you went by yourself? Some works do's you bring your partner.

Doesn't sound like he should have been there, but for lack of any other ideas?
So immature.

@sad2025

My take on it is that you didn't do a damned thing, but he wants you to think you did. He's got you wracking your brain trying to think of what you could possibly have done 'wrong' to upset him so much. Do you see how manipulative that is? He doesn't like you going out and this is his way of insuring that you don't go out in the future.

Instead of worrying about what you didn't do, I'd suggest you think instead about why you're so afraid of being alone that you'd put up with such controlling behaviour. Then kick him to the kerb.

The loneliest place to ever be is in an unhappy relationship, I was never as lonely as when I was married.

Being alone and being lonely are very different things. I wish you well and hope you choose wisely for yourself and recognise that you deserve so much better than this. No one that loves you makes you feel as you do now.

Ditch the narc and keep the dog. The latter is the one who will give you the most love x

But aren't you more lonely with him? He hasn't even spoken to you for several days. So not only has he not even communicated with you because he is having a sulk, but even when he is you have the stress of wondering what he might sulk about next. You say he isn't even kind to you! It's hard to imagine even being friends with someone who behaves like this, let alone sleeping with them too. Go and live a better life without him. You are a whole and complete person without a man in your life, and you'll be a happier one too without this one.

So you don't go out much because of his behaviour towards you? So he was negatively impacting your lifestyle before? That's unreasonable and pretty intolerable.

Giving someone the 'silent treatment' is a punishment and punishing your partner is immature and twattish IMO. I couldn't put up with his behaviour 👢

Oh come on, OP. You must be able to see that your boyfriend is abusive?

He’s a paranoid, controlling, manipulative man who needs chucking in the bin. Why are you putting up with his bullshit? He’s awful.

Why do you want to be with someone so immature. I'm so glad my hubby doesn't act like this, on the odd time either him or me go out it doesn't matter who with or what time anyone gets home or how drunk or whatever the next day it will be did you have a good time etc