My boyfriend isn’t talking to me after a night out

[sad2025]

I don’t often go out late in the evenings but I had a work invitation to go to a really nice event, as there were free drinks there I had a few but by no means was I drunk
My partner collected me from the station and stayed the night but has been ignoring ever since
I am racking my brains to think of what I could have done because now I feel stressed and anxious and cannot sleep
The only thing he has said to me is I should know why because of Tuesday night

It sounds like your relationship is pretty new. He sounds nuts, you need to move on.

Ok, so this is a HIM PROBLEM

Stop wracking your brains trying to think of what you've done wrong, you haven't done anything wrong!! And dump his moaning arse!

He's pathetic. Do you actually love this man?

This does not sound like a good relationship at all, especially the part about the body count. You deserve so much better!

@sad2025 You've done nothing wrong.

Nearly four years in

He sounds controlling and jealous, tbh. Do not let him make you feel anxious! You don’t deserve this treatment at all. Has he behaved this way all the time you’ve been together?

He knows I normally try hard to please him, this is something I am working on stopping
but right now I don’t care I don’t have the energy for him to nitpick any interactions I have had
if he doesn’t trust me that’s his problem
I guess I should look hard at the fact that I knew he would act up and he has

Yes he has I think I just don’t really go out that much but this occasion was too special not to go

Totally agree with this

I think it might be time to end this relationship, OP. Your partner should not be making you feel this way; anxious to do things that are perfectly normal, then left wondering what you’ve done wrong. That’s just not normal and it’s definitely not love.

The feeling anxious is a sure sign that he is controlling you. It will get worse

Over the years, have there been opportunities and nights out etc that you’ve missed out on because of him? This is all so wrong. You deserve so much better.

I really think you should get out of this relationship. His reaction of ignoring you, leaving you to feel on edge and anxious is deliberate so that you become compliant to his wishes. I’ve been married over 15 years and not once has my husband stopped me going out or implied I shouldn’t or made negative comments. Why on earth would he? You said your partner is 50 years old, so there is really no excuse. You can’t live your life like this. If there is a genuine issue, why isn’t he just saying it rather than this cryptic ‘you should know’ nonsense. Honestly life does not have to be this complicated.

You knew he would act up and here we are. If he had never acted up previously and this was out of character then maybe it could be argued you’d ’done something’. But he always acts up, he’s just finding new excuses to justify it. He’s also gaslighting you by the way, making you believe you’re going mad wondering what you’ve done. He won’t change and the fact he can sleep soundly tonight while you’re this upset just shows… it’s not love. Please get rid and work on yourself for tolerating this shite for 4 years. I’d rather be on my own

@MaidOfSteelI think there probably have, I feel genuine fatigue though about it all
I haven’t replied to him since he told me I should know why he isn’t speaking to me after Tuesday night

His distrust is eating away at him and is now turned on you. This is about his insecurities and he either gets help and wants to change or you should walk away.

After 4 years together he is harping on about body count? I’d expect this from a teenager (a divvy one!) not a 50 old man.

OP; you’re ’allowed’ to do anything you like - and if he doesn’t like it, that’s absolutely fine but it’s clear he no longer is compatible to you.

Has he been watching different type of videos to normal online? How he is acting and what he is saying is very much red pill on YouTube and honestly just finish it. You sound so sad and life doesn’t have to look like this for you. Don’t waste any more years on someone you have to second guess, or makes you feel like you can’t be you.

Life is just too short x
I wish you luck Op x

Just want to add, usually when someone is accusing a completely innocent party of ‘doing something’ and there’s lack of trust etc, it’s usually because their up to no good themselves.

No that’s ridiculous, abusive behaviour. He is really awful OP. Please listen to the woman around you here. I had one of these at 18. The best thing I did was to run away. X

I quite agree. The very least he could do is explain why he is in a mood with you. It doesn't sound as though you did anything wrong.

I always feel anxious when I go out as I know he doesn’t like it

This is what you've "done wrong" OP - you've gone out to something and had a nice time, despite knowing he wants you to stay at home.

Time to ditch this man. This is known as coercive control - have a good read about what it is.

Who TF does he think he is? And who does he think you are to be landing that nonsense on you? Please don’t tolerate this shit a minute longer OP. Seriously. Just text him now and tell him you’re done.

He has serious issues. Probably a personality disorder.

Oh bollocks to this OP he's making your life miserable and small. Don't shrink your world to try to please a boring and controlling man! I promise you will look back and wonder what the hell you were thinking.

Get rid of this one, and find a nice man who wants you to be happy, not this crappy sulker who wants you where he can see you all the time and talks about incel shit like body count.

You haven't done anything. Don't spend any more time wondering what you've done. It's not you, it's him. This is a classic abuse tactic to have you on edge and anxious.
.
You will tie yourself in knots wondering what you've done, because you think it doesn't make sense for someone to behave this way unless you've done something wrong.

He's showing you your future if you stay with him. He won't change, you will never get it right with him or do enough. He will keep moving the goal posts and you'll always feel anxious and on edge.