My boyfriend isn’t talking to me after a night out

[sad2025]

I don’t often go out late in the evenings but I had a work invitation to go to a really nice event, as there were free drinks there I had a few but by no means was I drunk
My partner collected me from the station and stayed the night but has been ignoring ever since
I am racking my brains to think of what I could have done because now I feel stressed and anxious and cannot sleep
The only thing he has said to me is I should know why because of Tuesday night

Thank you I will

Its Only since I had my last lot of counselling I can see the people pleasing tendencies, it’s a work in progress but hopefully I will get there

To add: this is totally standard narcissistic behaviour. You need to run - as fast as you can. Feel sorry for the next victim to cross his path.

Honestly sorry to say but he is 🚩
Seems like he's got pissy because you had a night out.
The fact he isn't telling you what you supposedly did is a way of controlling you. He is trying to make you feel guilty, and he is choosing to not tell you what you did, because as you said a few times you were not drunk so would remember.
By saying nothing he is actually scewing the narrative and making you question yourself. Don't fall for him telling you a false story either. He's leaving it long enough for you to start questioning yourself. Sounds like a gaslighter right there.
If he cared about you he wouldn't want you to just suffer, wondering and questioning. Mature people have open discussions about what's upset them.

Ask him how much he has raised on his sponsored silence so far

Exactly this !!!

OK so hes....a CHILD? Man8pulative?? Who just ices out a partner for 2 days and doesn't try to repair? I think it's time he gets stepping...?

This is a carbon copy of my ex and I…he’d be pretty much hitting fifty now as well. Cold and distant if I did anything for myself, if it didn’t somehow focus on him at the same time.
But if I did exactly what he wanted, especially if I anticipated it, it was like the sun shining on me. He was loving, attentive and would make me feel like the most important person in his world.
Then I’d something totally normal, like meet a friend for a coffee and he’d act like my behaviour was hugely disappointing and leave, and let me run after him.

It sounds like you’re waking up to how weirdly enmeshed and toxic this relationship is. I promise you, the overwhelming thing you’ll feel when you bin him is actually relief. You’ll feel lighter than you have in years.

This. Exactly this. Does he show other signs of being a narcissist? Throw him back in the sea OP. You deserve better.

Please change the locks as he could just come and take the dog regardless of whose name she is in and that would terrify her.

Ask HIM what his bloody body count is! Fucking cheek.

Ignore him. Ignorers hte being ignored. No texts, no phone calls. You are much too busy to deal with his immature behaviour!

But you do know what you did OP...... You dared to go out and have a fun night. And you ve compounded that outrage by now not pathetically pleading with him to explain and apologising for 'upsetting him'
He is going to realise he has gone a bit too far this time and has lost control of you so prepare yourself for the lovebombing and other crap that's likely to head your way pretty soon. Stay strong and block him

The OP doesn't think she hasn't done anything wrong. She knows she hasn't.

He's not nagging her over a trivial thing. He is accusing her of being a cheat. She's not. He doesn't believe her. She can't defend her innocence against that mindset.

Hopefully you have now finished with him ?

Soooo you went out had a really nice time relaxed got a bit drunk ... he is an immature jealous idiot who needs to grow up.
Tell him to crack on in fact you just crack on and stop playing his guessing games.
Dont put up with relationships like this .

Oh dear! I think I would be happy to finish with him. The longer you sit under this behaviour the more he will 'tighten the screw. 'He will mess with your head and make you feel you are too blame. Eventually .You won't go to any nights out thinking this will please him and you will both be happy. He won't! You won't be happy. Finally he will time you going to the shops.Questioning who you met or spoke to while you were at the shops. By this point it will be much harder to walk away. Please take care!

Op isn't telling the full story of what happened.

He's gas lighting you into thinking you did something so this will confuse you.Trust me you do not want to continue with this relationship.

Run!

I would just end the relationship. This is no way to live. All that stress on a long term basis is not good for you or your health.

I’m sorry to say, but it sounds very controlling. I have had this experience in a few relationships (yes I’ve been unlucky). It’s made you doubt yourself and try to placate him. It’s not healthy behaviour he’s displaying and you haven’t done anything wrong. I hope you know that. Do you live together?

brilliant @Stripeyanddotty this is why I will never leave Mumsnet 🙌

@sad2025
Just adding my voice to the rest.

He knows I normally try hard to please him

Here is your problem - ask yourself how often does he try to please you?

This is an abusive relationship and you need to end it. But you know that don't you?

Who are you? The OP's cuntish partner?

I cannot believe that this thread is still going?! OP @sad2025 why haven’t you dumped him already??

You enjoyed yourself, had a few drinks and were home by 11.20, nothing wrong with any of this. If he is usually like this and you have said that you thought it was going to be problematic then that suggests his behaviour has been similar before. If you didn’t say anything on the journey home that he could misconstrue or nothing on your phone that he may of checked on that he could also misconstrue, if he is like that he is just being controlling. You need to treat him the same and cut him
off until he is willing enough to be an adult and talk to you. If he can’t handle this then how would he handle a real crisis, don’t let it go on until you are engaged, married or kids! If things are often problematic remove the source. Better a hole to deal with than an a**hole.