My boyfriend isn’t talking to me after a night out

[sad2025]

I don’t often go out late in the evenings but I had a work invitation to go to a really nice event, as there were free drinks there I had a few but by no means was I drunk
My partner collected me from the station and stayed the night but has been ignoring ever since
I am racking my brains to think of what I could have done because now I feel stressed and anxious and cannot sleep
The only thing he has said to me is I should know why because of Tuesday night

Op no one can save you apart from yourself.

It's so simple. You just need to tell him
'I'm not happy in this relationship, I don't think you are either, we need to break up. I hope that we can stay civil and I'm happy keep helping you 'coparent' dog if you'd like that.' Either text or to his face but if he's not talking to you then a text it needs to be!

He might withold the dog out of spite but that's something you'll need to grieve and consider getting your own dog. As lovely as the dog is it's not worth putting up with abuse for - the lovely dog wouldn't want you to be unhappy it would want the best for you!

I spent 16y with a man just like this. Nothing that I did was right and he’d just make things up in his head and then punish me for it.

please leave him. It doesn’t get easier, I promise. You will wear yourself out trying to work out what you did wrong and then probably admit to it just to stop the moaning.

Please google and read up on coercive control and then add ignoring. I bet you have found he does a few of these methods. Seek help please

Lol, the MN man-haters are out in force again, like no woman has ever said to a man that they should know why she’s upset with him. Loving the hypocrisy of the shoe being on the other foot and everybody saying run for the hills.

Applying that logic, 90% of women in the country would be single, at least until the next time they got in a mood with their partner and didn’t tell him what he’d done wrong.

Tuesday night was probably the anniversary of their first date or something obscure.

You don't appear to have grasped the situation. The OP hasn't done ANYTHING to upset him. She has not done anything wrong at all. He is using the accusation as a stick to beat her with.

He is a jealous control freak who doesn't trust her as far as he can throw a wardrobe, and he thinks her going out must therefore = cheating on him. She's not, and never has done, but he thinks she is lying.

You might not be able to see all that, but the rest of us can.

This is the begining of controlling behaviour.

Sullen silent treatment.

'Guess what's wrong.'

'You know what you did.'

You're walking on eggshells trying to puzzle out whatever it was you 'did'.

Your job now is to be wracked with anxiety, off balance, uncertain, trying to please and appease.

Think now about other instances when he's done stuff like this.

It won't be the last. The silent sulking brooding behaviour will become part of your life, if you let it.

Your choice, now. 🤷‍♀️

This is who and what he is.

And by the way, you're being trained. To not want to go out without him, without his permission, without his surveillance, with people who aren't him. It's a training programme too many women have been put through.

He’s jealous of what he’s imagined you’ve done

All seems very vague. What was the event? Was his problem with the event or the people you went with? Why does he imagine you are going out with another guy? That doesn't seem like a random normal thing for him to think.... You said you knew he would have a problem with it.... so you probably know why he would have a problem?

Maybe the rest of the commenters are correct and he is in the wrong.... but this feels very much like half a story so far.

Believe me, I grasp the situation perfectly, the OP doesn’t think she has done anything wrong. Just like the millions of men who get nagged over trivial things they don’t think are wrong by their partner.

And equally, yes, I can see clearly the MN man-haters are just blaming the man.

Not very nice , strange not talking , l am encouraged to go out with friends . Not a nice attitude to take , please be carefull

Imagine this was your daughter being controlled in this way..you would want her to get rid, right? Learn to self care and stop being a people pleaser. I say this with love x

Life is short OP dont waste it with someone who is childish and makes you miserable. You clearly are able to know what makes you happy booking a holiday alone with your dog and enjoying evenings out shows that you can manage without a 50 year old toddler in your life. Dump him, move on , change the locks, change your phone number. Good luck.

How long have you been together? Sounds like jealousy and the start of potentially controlling behaviour. Get out sooner rather than later, you've done nothing wrong and nobody deserves a guilt trip or the silent treatment just for having a night out. It will only get worse.

💯 I’ve been on a relationship like this and my advice is run now before he ruins you x

Oh, get rid of him, pronto. Any bloke who asks questions like that is an absolute nono. He will not improve.

Red flag - unless you did do something that justifies it which for the fact he has t said I’m guessing probably just a jealous puss that you’ve been out without him

been in a relationship ship like this it gets worse u til you dread going out so don’t bother

tell him to spit it out or put his face straight

Anyone who makes a dog cower has clearly done something bad to the dog.

That's enough in itself to never let him anywhere near you again.

People with adhd are prone to over-pleasing and putting up with bad behaviour, for a variety of reasons. Have a chat with an AI bot, it's remarkably illuminating why...

You'll not end it, you didn't before in your previous thread. You are like an old (ex) friend of mine who thinks anyone, no matter how they treat you is better than being alone. It really isn't!

Thank you for all the comments and advise even the straight talking one
I haven’t spoken to him yet , he has tried to call but I didn’t answer I have booked back into some counselling and planning a Europe trip with my friend
The dog is officially mine now, I changed her chip over and she is registered at the vets in my name

i guess the alone thing is because I don’t have much family and no kids, so it can feel lonely
I certainly wouldn’t be rushing into another relationship again, it’s not so much having a man but having someone there

Genuinely delighted for you!

It was a work event with my managers there, I knew he would sulk about it
he doesn’t give a rational reason for it but I just know it would trigger him

It’s not half a story
Even I can see that someone ignoring you because you went out is irrational
I didn’t even see him for long
just when he collected me from the station, and I wasn’t that drunk

Please read up on attachment styles as I can assume you have “anxious” attachment due to tolerating someone treating you this way. I was once with a man like this and the sickness and anxiety they create in you is all consuming. They make you feel like you can’t survive without them. When I left a similar relationship - after numerous times of convincing myself that “I’ll give it once more try” - I sat with the feeling and read up on attachment styles and analysed myself. I realised I had an anxious attachment and was always drawn to men like this due to my childhood experiences. I also made a list of everything I disliked about him and all the cruel things he’d done to me. I was my bible, and I referred to it every time I “missed him”. Embrace being away from this man child and know he will never EVER change. All PP are correct when they say that the relief is immense when you remove yourself from the game. No more fear, anxiety and self doubt. If you believe you deserve better - then you will find it.

I very rarely comment on threads but I couldn’t let this one pass.

You can do SO much better than this excuse for a human, find your worth and bin him.

Sending strength.