My boyfriend isn’t talking to me after a night out

[sad2025]

I don’t often go out late in the evenings but I had a work invitation to go to a really nice event, as there were free drinks there I had a few but by no means was I drunk
My partner collected me from the station and stayed the night but has been ignoring ever since
I am racking my brains to think of what I could have done because now I feel stressed and anxious and cannot sleep
The only thing he has said to me is I should know why because of Tuesday night

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5326480-overwhelmed-and-my-boyfriend-keeps-letting-himself-into-my-home-and-finding-it-in-a-mess

Do not contact him. In fact, block him. He’s acting like a child so treat him childishly

Yes, this one! If it’s not the same poster, I’d be genuinely astonished. If it is, it’s a shame she’s still with him and it would be good to know what support she needs so she can actually end it this time.

Right. That's it then. He doesn't trust you and he never will, no matter how much you protest your total innocence. You have done nothing wrong at all.

There is only one thing for it. Tell him to fuck off and never darken your doorstep again.

I agree. I wish girls were taught at a young age that having a man isn’t the be all and end all and how liberating spending time single can be.

Its sad that in 2025 so many would rather be with an abusive wanker than be on their own

100% this.

yes that is me sadly, still with the messy house and great dog
I genuinely don’t know why I have got myself in this mess with him
he has become increasingly unpleasant but I stuck it out because the good times were okay

but this time he has gone to far and become to unpleasant towards me

I think he actually doesn’t like me as person

The thing is no one who knows me knows about this because I am confident and assertive normally
I just have terrible boundaries

I’d be wary of this behaviour. Unless you’d accidentally said something really unpleasant to him whilst drunk and have totally forgotten- the most likely explanation is that he’s guilt tripping you for going out and having fun without him.

I'm shocked at this because I'd assume by this age most people have grown up.

I watched the latest episodes of ‘And Just Like That’ before. And realised that finding a man/partner is such a central theme.
Then read a piece about Aiden isn’t a good guy at all - he’s controlling, he’s a gaslighter….
I am mid 50’s now and I wish I had known at a much younger age that there is a whole world out there to get to know. We are sort of ruled by a biological clock if we want to have kids, I get that.
The loneliest feeling in the world is being abused or treated badly. In this case the OP (if it’s the same one) is being treated appallingly by this man. And the irony is that she has being shown such love by her dog, which she returns. The dog had enabled her to get out and meet new people, that’s where her future should lie.
If a dog cowers from its former owner, that is a high flying red flag indeed.
I also see so many posts on here with ‘I am so scared of being alone’ but being lonely is a state of mind.
When you are able to build your own life, do things you enjoy, mix with people you like, a partner adds to that.
And any man obsessed with ‘body counts’ is not right in the head….

They don't tell you though. They just keep repeating "You know what you did" over and over, like a stuck record. They do it on purpose to make you rack your brains trying to think what it could be that you've 'done' and you feel like you are going out of your mind because of it. It is a classic abusive gaslighting technique.

If he has a key to your house get your locks changed, finish with him and enjoy your life on your terms, with your lovely dog. It sounds like he doesn’t bring much to the relationship other than punishing you with silence, sulks and inappropriate questioning. He’s got you second guessing and doubting yourself. This is a him problem. You deserve better. Be brave. Get rid. Good luck x

He doesn’t like you OP. He’s a shit boyfriend. Seriously stop wasting your life and just get rid.

Oh thats so sad to read that the lovely OP is still being abused by him.

He is a controlling bad man.

I had one of these. Many years later I’ve realised two things were happening. 1. He was deflecting because he cheated on me 2. He didn’t want me to go on nights out with other people as he was paranoid I could do better, realise how badly he treated me and meet someone else…

I just have terrible boundaries

Then do something about them. What are you waiting for?

I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but you are an adult woman. You are not helpless here. We all need to learn the knight in shining armour is not coming - we have to rescue ourselves. It does not feel good and may be scary, upsetting or lonely. But better that then being around someone who is actively doing us harm.

You deserve better. Time to learn how to set boundaries.

Sounds like training to me a - so you learning doing pretty much anything without him is not worth the hassle

"I think he actually doesn't like me as a person"

Now what you are doing here is making yourself wonder what it is about you that's so unlikeable, and you're scared that if you leave him, you won't find anyone else. Never mind what he thinks.

What you should be thinking is this:
"Do I like him? Is he a lovely bloke who makes me happy?"
To which the answer on both counts should be a resounding NO.

Please, just end the relationship. You will not be lonely. You have a lovely dog to keep you company at home anyway, and the dog worships the ground you walk on.

DUMP HIM. YOU DESERVE BETTER!

You won't be lonely because your world will open ip once he's out the picture. It will just take a while to adjust to not having that stress and self doubt, second guessing and trying to please. Puts people on edge but it will pass. Even if you'd done something awful the silent treatment is no way for a grown up to respond. But we all know you haven't done anything he's just trying to control and punush you because you stepped out of line by enjoying something outside of him.

Have you told him it's over yet?

Who cares whether he likes you or not?

The important thing is whether YOU like HIM

And you don't, do you?

Oh OP, please please learn to love yourself enough to be happy with your own company. This man is a controlling jealous twat.

Would your dog want this relationship for you?! No absolutely not, because dogs love people unconditionally and believe in the pack.

Bin him OP, please.

You were primed to leave on that post. He’d gone too far then and you were done. What stopped you? Really drill down. As the good times aren’t particularly good and the rest of the time you’re miserable. So, what’s going on?

If it’s that you’re terrified of being alone, then keep drilling. Why is that? What’s wrong with being alone? How is this relationship an improvement on being by yourself? And why do you think it’s this idiot or nothing? There are other men available!

I thought it was you and im genuinely sorry you didn’t feel up to standing your ground last time.
This relationship is doomed, you will live a terribly anxious existence and he will become more controlling.
Please Please change the locks to he can’t let himself in, block him and make sure you have the dogs microchip details, food and veterinary bills to hand to prove that you are in fact the dogs owner because he will try and take her back as way of getting you to cave in.
Much as I love my dogs I wouldn’t let them be the reason anyone was in my life that shouldn’t be. You have one life and you need to make sure you are living your best version of it.
Good luck x