Overwhelmed and my boyfriend keeps letting himself into my home and finding it in a mess

[2024riot]

I feel so bad because my boyfriend keeps letting himself into my place when I don’t expect him to be there and finding that I have left my flat in a real state
Embarrasingly so
he wasn’t meant to come until Monday
dreading going home as he will be so unpleasant

Why is he letting himself in your home
and then getting mad about a bit of mess?

leave him. And get your keys back.

A person you allow to have the key to your home should not treat you like that. If he really loved you he'd help, not criticise!

I don’t know he knows it has made me cry before when he has caught me out living like a slob
he wasn’t meant to be away until Monday so I thought I was safe to tidy up
have ADHD diagnosed so struggle a lot plus have felt so overwhelmed with everything

It’s your flat and you can keep it how you like.

He doesn’t live there. He’s letting himself in uninvited, is that right? And then being horrible to you?

That’s really out of order. Personally I’d have my keys back and/or change the lock barrel, and dump the twat.

If he is just criticising and not offering to help you, he isn't worth keeping.

Someone who loved you would not try to shame you about this, but would try to help tidy up. Get your key back from him.

How dare he criticise your home! Tell him if he is so offended by a bit of mess then he needs to hand your key back.

Or just tell him to piss off home. Depends on your mood 😁

Change the locks

He sounds awful. If he cared about you, he'd offer to help or at the very least mind his own business about it.

Bloody hell.
Get your keys back.

I just wish he would give me a bit of notice but he will spend the evening sulking
he used to be nice to me but he isn’t anymore
part of the reason I feel overwhelmed is that he has left his dog with me so I have to spend a long time making sure she is okay as we dont have a garden so I take her out for about four hours a day

Just on the train dreading going home
I had a nice evening planned with the dog

What kind of dog needs walking for 4 hours a day? and even if it does need it, why are you doing it and not your BF?

This is no way to live, you need to dump him, pronto.

@IamSmarticuswe like to sit in the park in the evenings for a couple of hours and have a picnic and I always like to give her a good walk first thing
he doesn’t live with me and he isn’t that kind to her so she hasn’t been with him for months but of the overwhelming feeling is sorting out the clutter so I can sell the flat

What the actual fuck? You have his dog and he is criticising you for not keeping the home tidy?

If he has some OCD tidy thing then he needs to deal with that himself and not put it on you.

It is really messy though
well hidden mess so the dog sitter doesn’t notice when she comes to get the dog

Pay for a professional declutterer if you can. You either need that, or time, and you don't have time with his dog.

He treats you like shit. I'm so sorry you feel so bad.

I'm sure you would feel a whole lot more relaxed & happy, and a lot less overwhelmed if you didn't have him coming into your home and being nasty to you.

Is it your own home, or do you rent? I'm thinking it might be a good idea if you got the locks changed so he can't do this any more. You will then find it easier to dump the bastard.

It’s your flat, not his. If you want to leave all the dirty plates in the sink, that’s your prerogative.

Sorry, there’s no long term future in this. He’s already criticising your ways, and you’re even not living together (I presume). He’s not respecting you or your space. If you do move in together, you'll be on tenterhooks all the time, waiting for the next criticism.

Take the key off him if he is going to upset you. However, life will be easier if you try and keep your house tidier.

He sounds like a piece of shit in all honesty. My partner used to come home to find his place a state when I’d been there for a few days and he was never “unpleasant” about it at all.

Give him back his dog and get back your keys
First step
Why does he needed complete access to your flat? What about his house?

Come on OP this is your house not his, not his dog’s. He has, and I cannot emphasise this enough, no fucking right to make you feel bad for going home.

Take back some control and get him and his dog out.

Then give serious thought about whether you want to stay with this piss taker.

A decent man would tidy up as a thank you for looking after his dog understanding it might have been overwhelming for you, buy takeaway and have a nice evening together. Not sulking and being horrible to you.

Forget about how he feels that’s entirely his problem.

This isn’t healthy.
Are you scared of him?

Ah come OP, he's unpleasant about your home, sulks when he's annoyed and is not even nice to you!

Why are you putting up with this? (Please, please don't say "because I love him".)

Dump him. You are not the problem here.

Brilliant advice. Just mould yourself into whatever he wants OP. Therein lies the road to happiness 🤣