Man 35 with no children is this a red flag?

[singlemumoffour]

Hi,

Just curious to know what other think on this matter? Would you say this is a red flag? He also hasn’t had very long relationships and lives with his dad?

So it’s okay to imply he’s a red flag for not having children but no-one can say the same about having lots of children…

I'm not laughing 🤭🤭.

No kids at 35 is great. Far less complicated.
Living with his dad at 35 though would be a massive red flag and turn-off for me.

There are ways to say things, no need for pure disrespect and rudeness on the matter. I get defensive because I didn’t want to be left on my own with 4 children but here I am, I’m sorry that my life didn’t end up like the fairy tale you dream off as little girls.

I didn’t imply I asked a question if others thought this would be a red flag as I have said multiple times I was told by a couple of people that it is and asked if others on here thought the same. Didn’t imply shit, didn’t bash single mums and definitely didn’t assume circumstances and parenting of others. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yeah hilarious isn’t it 😂

Do you want more children? Do your children want more siblings? Proceed with extreme caution

Well said OP.

Some of the most ridiculous comments ever seen are on this thread.

I don't know if you missed my first post but I was just letting you know that my husband was 33, single and no children when we met.
We've been happily married for 32 years.
So, in my opinion that's not a red flag.

Sorry you received such ridiculous and unhelpful replies.
Good luck to you and your children for the future

No children not remotely a red flag, 35 is still v normal to have no kids. Living with his dad, not so much

Thank you 🫶🏻

Lots of people in their mid 30’s don’t have biological children, myself included; for lots of reasons.

I was married, with my ex husband for 10 years, and we always found reasons not to have them. Mainly because we absolutely shouldn’t have kids together and probably knew that deep down. But I am 35 with no children of my own.

I don’t think having children, whether it’s 1 or 4 is an auto red flag, but it’s definitely enough to put some people off. Some people would never want to “take on” or deal with someone else’s children, if that is what you want in a partner at some point.

Those people are absolutely not compatible with you anyway, in all likelihood. Anyone put off by someone being a parent, shouldn’t be with one. I’m saying that as a step parent.

I would be more interested in why he still lives with his dad, and if he wants children and you don’t then there’s no ‘legs’ in it anyway, so no use wasting anyone’s time.

Because the man she’s asking about DOES WANT KIDS. So if OP really doesn’t want anymore kids then why are we here!? That’s why I asked…do you really want more kids? Because he does and she’s still entertaining the idea of being with him, so what are we supposed to deduce from that?

Would you like me to explain for a 3rd time?

Perhaps take a step back & stop feeling personally victimised by this? No one cares that you are single a parent. I don’t care if you have 4 plus kids. No one does.

OP is asking about red flags in this relationship. Him wanting kids and her feeling done after her 4 is a red flag that they are incompatible. Of all the comments on this thread, me saying that is somehow sending you batshit. You appear to be in your 60s and your calling strangers on the internet “slow” and “special needs”. Good God.

Of course not. How insulting to anyone without children.

No.
It's not far off the average age men first become fathers.
Would you think there something wrong with a woman who didn't have a child at 35?

It's interesting that so many find a man living with his father as problematic. There could be several reasons for why he is or he simply loves his father and wants to take care/be with him. How is living with a parent such a bad thing? We don't know anything about the circumstances or info about living arrangements.

The 'red flag' is about different life stages. Some people, like me, have children and complete their family very young, early 20s. Some other people begin their family in their early 40s - when the first cohort's children are starting to leave home. The two groups have to wait until they are 60 to date when all children have left home 😂

I met DH when he was 45, no kids.
Had lived on his own since late 20s/ early 30s and had come out of a LTR/LDR with someone who wouldn't commit.
Everyone thought he must be divorced with kids though!
20 years on we have two DCs and are pretty happy.

🤣🤣🤣

I can't believe the attitudes of some ladies on here. If a lady was on here lamenting she'd reached her mid 30's with no stress she's told to keep trying, it's a numbers game & a lot of the time it's down to luck; but if a man has had the same bad luck then he must be a weirdo! How about giving him a chance & getting to know him first? His red flags will soon start to show. How is a man supposed to reach the grand status of having had a ltr if you won't even give them a chance in the first place!

It’s not a red flag, if I were 30-35, single with no DC I’d be biting his arm off!

He’s in for a shock if you already have 4 DC and don’t want more, and he does. That’s asking too much of him and I’d find someone in a similar position to you (single dad who gets it).

Yeah hilarious 😂

My husband was 35 and separated with no kids when we met.

Didnt bother me, we are now married with 1 child.

Being 30 when I started the dating game my preference was 1 kid was acceptable, it’s more likely as people get older. 0 was ideal. 2 or more would be a no from me as it would have been too complicated starting our own family, and I had no intention of being a step-parent to a large amount of children.

I don’t think this issue as mentioned by PP is sexist to single mums kind of thing, people just have preferences regarding number of kids somebody may already have, amongst many other things they consider deal breakers or not.

Thats ok. They’re just not the one for you.

Theres something about me people would absolutely judge me for and be a deal breaker. I knew this and I was ready for the rejections / not offended by it.

The living at home also wouldn’t put me off, as long as they are aiming to leave at some point.

my BIL has been at home mooching off his mother for years and saved nothing or done nothing, is also childless and much older than 35 so I think he will definitely have a lot of people think he’s a red flag, unfortunately

No. That would be the norm where I live.

There are plenty of women on this site who are in their late 30’s and don’t have kids and nobody sees them as a red flag.

I don’t necessarily see someone with 4 kids as a red flag, assuming they’re by the same father, four kids with three or four different partners is absolutely a red flag IMO but that’s a different discussion.

But I do think that anyone, male or female, who chooses to be in a relationship with someone with four kids wants their head red.

So asking if a 35 year old man is a red flag is OK, but asking if it was around the other way is really shitty?

I'm not sure why you think it is fine to be really judgemental about the man here, whilst no one should be judgemental about the other side?

What do you think he would think if this was being asked of him?

This relationship just seems totally incompatible. You both need to find someone else.