Man 35 with no children is this a red flag?

[singlemumoffour]

Hi,

Just curious to know what other think on this matter? Would you say this is a red flag? He also hasn’t had very long relationships and lives with his dad?

Well you seem to refuse to provide any other details.

All we know is "man 35, no children, lives with dad", there are no other details, how did you meet (have you actually met)?, what sort of career does he have, where does he live (is it somewhere with expensive housing) etc?

No, would you think the same if it was a woman ?

No, it's not a red flag @singlemumoffour Why do you think it is?

In 2025, it's really not that odd for someone to still be living with parents, and have no children... Not hugely common, but not a red flag. As a pp said though, I would question why he wants to take on someone else's (four) children?!

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Just to put it out there I am a single mum of because my ex husband cheated on me 6 months into our marriage. So with all the shitty comments and assumptions it pisses me off as no one knows others situations. I asked a simple question no need for the nasty digs and comments because of my name on here. Yeah so what I have 4 kids and what? I asked this question because two people have said to me in real life not on here that it’s a red flag. Personally I wanted to ask others views that’s why I put this thread on here, not to be assumed I am this and I am that when noone actually knows me.

At 35 , the lack of ability to form long term relationships would be a concern, so I would be wary of why.

The lack of children, given the lack of relationships, is clearly positive in his case.

However, you have 4 children and he is probably unused to interacting which is a concern. Plus you have 4 to support already, do you have time for more?

He’s 35 works full time in landscaping, we’ve spoken about why his relationships haven’t worked and he has told me he has been cheated on before. He lives with his dad and contributes to bills. Yes we have met.

Ah ok. Well, we can't tell what your random friends might think is a red flag; what problems they might spot about him considered in relation to you, and which aspect of his behaviour or life experience they are referring to.

But lots of us are suggesting different kinds of "red flags". It would be good to know what you think are the most likely? The important thing is whether YOU think any of these considerations give you a reason to think twice about getting into a serious relationship with him.

I personally think the whole situation is a red flag for your kids! because I reckon, sadly, you're all keen to get going with this guy and start yet another family and not thinking about the needs of the children you already have. It's a hunch. Based on you replying "😂" to my post...

I think you think the red flag is his "failure to launch/lives with parents". It isnt. The red flag is that you really don't need to be having any more children that you will force your current children to live with, so the red flag for you is the fact he wants children and is ready to start his life with someone who also wants them.

No I have told him I do not want anymore children.

I can't see why no kids is a red flag but personally it would mean I completely counted someone out for dating.

I have 3 dc and want no more. I'd have no interest in someone without children who wanted them...not with me pal, I'm done. But similarly I'd have no interest in men who didn't have or never wanted dc. For a LT relationship, I don't think that would work, the values are too different.

I'd also have zero interest in playing stepmummy to young dc though or entertaining school runs or whatnot 😂 So my criteria would be 'must have dc of 16 plus with whom he has a good relationship'.

The red flag is about mutual compatibility.
You already have 4 kids, which is more than plenty for most. He doesn't have any, but wants them.
Before getting into a relationship, you need to consider if this is really going to be viable mutually.
I would say not because he will always want to prioritise any child of his own over your pre-existing ones.

Again assumptions about me and about me as a parent just because I didn’t appreciate your shitty comment before.

just don’t bother replying anymore honestly.

Agreed!!

If it is then me, 38 and childless must be a red flag too. Dont feel like one tbh.

Totally agree with this.

My DH has no children. I married him when he was 60. but he was independent, had his own house, career, fully housetrained (!) I think marrying or living with a man who is used to being alone is better as they are used to looking after themselves and not just one of those endless men going from one relationship to another for a woman to 'look after' them.

no children is a bonus. Still living with a parent at 35 -if he always has done then yes this is a red flag.

Do you think he wants his own children OP, or would he be content being a step parent? That would be my concern since you've said you don't want any more.

I mean this kindly but why would a man of 35 with no children want to have a relationship with a woman who has 4 kids, it's a pretty big responsibility to take on, if it's serious,

Depends. No career, no money, no personality, no kids, no experience of life etc. then a big yes!!

So you say he wants children possibly, but you don’t? So there’s absolutely no point in pursuing this, is there? Find a lovely man who doesn’t want kids/or already has their own instead?

Comment of the evening.

Charming thank you! 🙏🏻

I want to make it clear I am absolutely not having a go at you for being a single mum! Or having 4 children! Both are none of my business and perfectly fine and great things to do - admirable! You are taking care of your children. You seem like a great mum. Also - perfectly fine to have 4 kids under any circumstances - but as a separate thing, I'm very sorry to hear you were cheated on and that your ex hasn't stepped up - that's awful.

You've also now said you dont want more - fair enough, I was wrong to assume you might want them. Sorry. I thought you might want to go for a long term thing with this new guy, and that this might include more kids - since he wants them.

So honestly my only point is that the red flag is that he wants kids - so dont get with him as your future expectations will be different!

Sorry if this is seeming shitty. You really haven't been clear about what "red flag" meant to you.

A childless man wouldn’t be a red flag. Im a single mum of four - all to the same ex partner - I wouldn’t be looking for a relationship where he meets and interacts with the children etc. so you need to figure out what you want, what he wants and whether it’s compatible. But also make sure your kids needs are at the forefront of your decision making.

id definitely date again but wouldn’t introduce another male or father figure into the children’s life as that’s chaotic for them atm for example

In that case, there is no point pursuing and getting in deep. It will end because he wants kids, you don't want any more. It will just cause further upset to your kids to put them through this.
That is the red flag. Totally different future relationship plans.

"Man 35 with no children is this a red flag" is NOT a red flag. You say he lives with his dad , is that for companionship or helping his dad? If yes,no problem and admirable. If he lives with his dad for financial reasons, that would be a red flag.

You say he works in landscaping, is that a regular income?

Re your user name, are you a single mum of four? If so, sorry to say you are the red flag. Realistically why would a guy saddle himself with someone else's
4 kids at 35. This would be different answer if you were both 20 years older.

No!

You charmer! Because I have 4 kids I’m the red flag yet you haven’t a clue my circumstances and why I’ve ended up on my own with 4 kids and what sort of mum or person I am. I’m glad you’ve picked that up from my thread though thank you.

yes he works for a company works Monday to Friday.