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Original poster

Man 35 with no children is this a red flag?

195 replies

singlemumoffour · 26/06/2025 18:56

Hi,

Just curious to know what other think on this matter? Would you say this is a red flag? He also hasn’t had very long relationships and lives with his dad?

OP posts:
Original poster
singlemumoffour · 26/06/2025 19:18

Notuntrustworthy · 26/06/2025 19:15

"He does want children" - so obviously you'll be leaving him well alone then? I really hope the red flag that he doesn't have children is a red flag because you don’t want a man who expects to have children with you. I hope.

I mean, you wouldn't dream of foisting a man they aren't related to, plus a potential fifth half sibling, on your four children, would you?

Given that they have presumably been through something in the breakdown of your relationship with their dad, and children really shouldn't have to live with people they aren't related to - and don't do well on it, they pretend they are ok but would really prefer not. You wouldn't do something so selfish and irresponsible.

I would expect you will be having nice, fun, loving relationships with any man you want, and making sure they dont get involved with your family and your children until the children are considerably older.

😂

I’m asking if this is a red flag 🚩

OP posts:
Ninkynonkpinkyponks · 26/06/2025 19:18

No not at all

Arrythmiaconfusion · 26/06/2025 19:20

AwkwardPaws27 · 26/06/2025 18:59

The only part that would concern me would be living with his dad - fine if he's moved back in to save a deposit (& is actively doing so), or has stayed at home but paid a reasonable rent & contributed to day-to-day household chores. Not great if he's paying minimal keep, not saving & not doing his fair share...

Agree, or moved back briefly after relocating, moved in to help his dad get over a medical event, etc.

NowStartingOver · 26/06/2025 19:20

We hear a lot about how expensive it is buy a property, perhaps he is only financially able to afford a property if someone else (a partner) is paying too?

A red flag for me would be if he was a father of four and was most suspicious if his potential partner didn't have any children.

EleanorReally · 26/06/2025 19:22

i dont think so at 35
but plenty of people do think that, just a late developer, just never met the right one

Crushed23 · 26/06/2025 19:22

SaturdayDream · 26/06/2025 18:58

Of course not. I would rather date a childless 35 year old than one with kids.

This.

I avoid men with children like the plague.

Absolutely zero interest in becoming a step-parent.

notacooldad · 26/06/2025 19:23

Absolutely not a red flag!

surprisebaby12 · 26/06/2025 19:25

With that relationship history and not even having his own place, I’d be very concerned why he wants to suddenly take on 4 kids, but then I don’t trust men as far as I can throw them. Suggests something is wrong

NowStartingOver · 26/06/2025 19:26

I think OP is best to steer clear of this man, they clearly have different life expectations.

He wants to meet someone and have children with her, whereas OP has already had four children (and I presume they are similar age), and expects everyone to have had children by the age of 35.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 26/06/2025 19:26

The living with his dad thing would be the only thing I would be concerned about right off - bit without discussing it, its hard to know.

TomatoSandwiches · 26/06/2025 19:26

Has he ever lived alone or with a partner or has he always lived with his dad?

Original poster
singlemumoffour · 26/06/2025 19:31

NowStartingOver · 26/06/2025 19:20

We hear a lot about how expensive it is buy a property, perhaps he is only financially able to afford a property if someone else (a partner) is paying too?

A red flag for me would be if he was a father of four and was most suspicious if his potential partner didn't have any children.

😂 ok.

I'm asking for peoples opinions as a couple have said this is a red flag just wanted to ask what others thought.

but as per usual a few shitty comments are made by others on this site.

OP posts:
WeekendFreedom · 26/06/2025 19:31

MyLoyalGreyOP · 26/06/2025 19:05

Two people make a child, one of those people takes responsibility to take care of that child/children but thats a red flag?

Why? It might not be something someone would be interested in personally but can you explain why it's a red flag?

The OP's husband could be dead/abusive etc. I really would be curious how that's a red flag on her.

Show quote history

We don’t know ops situation but we also don’t know the guys in question’s history…. Maybe his wife or girlfriend and baby died in childbirth, maybe he had a child that he’s lost or maybe he’s just a guy waiting for the right person.

Vaxtable · 26/06/2025 19:32

Why do you think it’s a red flag?

Notuntrustworthy · 26/06/2025 19:33

singlemumoffour · 26/06/2025 19:18

😂

I’m asking if this is a red flag 🚩

Show quote history

Yes and I'm saying which aspect is a red flag?
"He doesnt have kids" is a red flag because it implies he would want kids, and you dont want a man who would then want more kids with you?

Or "He doesn't have kids" is a red flag because people without kids at 35 are maybe a bit weird and feckless and not grown up?

Which kind of red flag is it?

TheAvidWriter · 26/06/2025 19:33

The positive.
Lets assume he is on average income, so renting for a single man would be taking a huge chunk out of the monthly income. Then it may seem sensible to share accommodation with another, even if that is a parent? While saving up? Could be a reason for him living with his dad.

The pessimist.
But if he is someone who is just chancing it through life, hoping to find a woman who has it all, will provide it all, so that he will just be able to hop on, get serviced and not pay his way, seeing its all yours anyway, and kids are already there so no need to make another.. dont know, I am growing pessimistic in my old ripe age but seeing the posts on here, this seems to be in fashion.

How did you find him? Or did he find you?
Has he got a criminal record?

Original poster
singlemumoffour · 26/06/2025 19:34

NowStartingOver · 26/06/2025 19:26

I think OP is best to steer clear of this man, they clearly have different life expectations.

He wants to meet someone and have children with her, whereas OP has already had four children (and I presume they are similar age), and expects everyone to have had children by the age of 35.

I’m asking a question. 😂

OP posts:
LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 26/06/2025 19:34

NowStartingOver · 26/06/2025 19:26

I think OP is best to steer clear of this man, they clearly have different life expectations.

He wants to meet someone and have children with her, whereas OP has already had four children (and I presume they are similar age), and expects everyone to have had children by the age of 35.

This. I don't think you are suited sorry @singlemumoffour

JeremiahBullfrog · 26/06/2025 19:35

Would you rather a 35-year-old man who has abandoned his children and/or failed in his previous long-term relationships?

rhrni · 26/06/2025 19:35

The lack of kids wouldn’t put me off, but the fact he hasn’t had a long term relationship and also lives with his Dad would.

I would wonder why he is incapable of having a relationship that lasts a while. Also living with his Dad shows he hasn’t yet been independent and stood on his own 2 feet and therefore perhaps can’t provide and look after a potential family.

Anyway, I’m probably being a dick but I would find it a little off putting.

Original poster
singlemumoffour · 26/06/2025 19:36

Notuntrustworthy · 26/06/2025 19:33

Yes and I'm saying which aspect is a red flag?
"He doesnt have kids" is a red flag because it implies he would want kids, and you dont want a man who would then want more kids with you?

Or "He doesn't have kids" is a red flag because people without kids at 35 are maybe a bit weird and feckless and not grown up?

Which kind of red flag is it?

Show quote history

That’s what I’m asking people if it is a red flag and if so what one because I’m being told all different things. It’s a genuine question.

OP posts:
Original poster
singlemumoffour · 26/06/2025 19:37

Vaxtable · 26/06/2025 19:32

Why do you think it’s a red flag?

I’m asking if this as someone I know said it’s a red flag so wanted to ask people’s opinions.

OP posts:
HannahTheBanana · 26/06/2025 19:38

No

Original poster
singlemumoffour · 26/06/2025 19:38

TomatoSandwiches · 26/06/2025 19:26

Has he ever lived alone or with a partner or has he always lived with his dad?

Yes he has lived with a previous partner.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 26/06/2025 19:38

singlemumoffour · 26/06/2025 19:37

I’m asking if this as someone I know said it’s a red flag so wanted to ask people’s opinions.

Show quote history

Whoever said it’s a red flag is an idiot. So maybe ask them why they think it’s a bad thing