Man 35 with no children is this a red flag?

[singlemumoffour]

Hi,

Just curious to know what other think on this matter? Would you say this is a red flag? He also hasn’t had very long relationships and lives with his dad?

Better no kids than having kids with the wrong person. Kids with the wrong person seems horrible - tethered to a fucking melt for the rest of your life?? No thanks.

The red flag is being a single parent of 4 bloody hell is this for real

Personally I don’t think a man not having kids at 35 is a red flag, lots of men don’t have children by 35, on its own that wouldn’t worry me.

But living with his dad at 35, and a history of relationships not working out, that’s the red flag for me.

However I do agree with other people, if he does want children and you already have 4 then he’s not for you so it’s irrelevant really.

oh come on, be realistic. I'm not being horrible, just practical.

A 35 year old man who has no children - it is a big responsibility to enter into a serious relationship with a woman who has 4 children. That's not being unkind, just practical. It's hard enough looking after our own children. A man with his own children will understand and 'get' it and be more amenable to step children.

A man with no children doesn't 'get' it. As I said in my pp, my DH has no children, I do. It is difficult.

If you think it's easy then it is you being naive.

Apart from any of this - you've since said he wants children -you won't have anymore. No point going any further

Not a red flag. Incidentally, always possible that he has no children because of fertility issues.

😂 ok.

so every single mum is a red flag right? You’re just going to paint every single mother with multiple children as red flags when you don’t know their circumstances, how they parent and why they’ve ended up on their own? Ok then. 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP didn't get much of a chance to give more info because she was bombarded with ridiculous, pathetic insinuations and opinions after barely opening the thread.!!!

It's been amusing though, given me a bloody good laugh 😁 😁 😁

OP
The age and no children is not a red flag.
Living with his dad could be, but there's maybe a good reason.

I met my DH when he was 33 and no children.
We've been happily married with two chidren (now grown up) for 32 years.

Four kids would be more of a red flag to me.

Sigh. It doesn't matter what kind of a mum or person you are. You are likely a brilliant person and mum. But your 4 kids don't need a random man in their lives. It just isn’t as good for them as living with you, in safety and familiarity, and you having a completely separate dating life.

And for him - a person doesn't take on an association with children lightly. Children need caring, emotionally mature, stable role models in their life. If he is a good man - and we hope and assume he is- the fact that your children exist will be a red flag to him. They represent a huge responsibility and commitment that he would have to think really carefully about taking on.

Well more so than every childless man at 35, yes.

We don’t know this man’s circumstances but you are asking us to paint him as a red flag 🤣

No don't be silly.

I agree with this totally

i am a single mum of 4. My ExP unfortunately worked away and got twisted into the Andrew Tate things and went from a beautiful minded man to a terror.

However, having 4 kids may not be a red flag to us with them - we know we’re normal and lovely. But to an outsider it absolutely is. Not because they think we’re slutty or have 4 kids to multiple men, but because that’s a lot of children, a lot of time, and a lot of extra people to take on and to include. Most men (and women) wouldn’t be interested and such is life

It is the truth. You have your kids, you don't need a man for that. Yes date, have fun but if you seriously want to settle down, wait until you or your kids are older.

I would be seriously suspicious of why a successful solvent guy no kids guy would take on someone else's 4 kids. Come on OP, guys past 30, are seeking the young 20 year old for fun and the no kids 30 year old for commitment.

@Mrfoxesfavouritesocks bloody hell, I didn't think Andrew Tate could get inside someone's head when happily married and sorted. Frightening. Sorry this happened to your family.x

Not these days, no. 25+ years ago, maybe.

Christ on a bike! The single mum bashing on this thread is off the charts. What a load of absolute wank

@singlemumoffour is actually allowed to have another relationship believe it or not people. Maybe she isn’t a shitbag who needs you all to ‘splain what’s best for her nippers?

@DaisyChain505 your comment about different dads was gross. You owe op an apology

Very sorry your ex husband cheated. If your ex cheated after 6 months, why did you stick around to have 4 kids with him?

Maybe she didn’t find out for a while?

Yep! We were together for 10 years. he honestly was the other half of me. Had his flaws but was an amazing all round person.

he then got a job as an offshore rigger - where loads of the blokes there are divorced and ‘working hundreds of hours to pay for their ex wives lives’ (child support)

He started slowly, but now he’s a misogynistic POS who thinks women are all gold digger etc. it’s horrific to have watched it in real time but not understood how much had changed until he was spewing this stuff on the daily. :(

I wouldn’t see the lack of children as a red flag but I would see the living with his father as one. It suggests a lack of independence and I’d be worried about how that would play out in a relationship, in terms of how much he’d step up.

Thank you for your kind comments to my post and for understanding I'm not being horrible to single parents or slut shaming or passing judgment or comments on single parents.

I was a single parent when I met my DH, only 1 child. 10 years later it is still difficult at times. As kind and lovely as he is he doesn't 'get' it at times as doesn't have children. my child is 'my' child. Always will be and I will always put him first before DH.

We had the children before he cheated.

Hahahahaha.....

Only on Mumsnet could you ask a simple question and get the most ridiculous comments ever made in the history of the internet.

According to this post, there are tens of thousands of red flags for people being single parents of four????

This is so hilarious, I have literally nearly peed..

Why on earth would it be?

Fucking hell. Can everything be a red flag?