DH wants DM rental income

[MMMMMBacon]

Summarised backstory first -

Married for 21 years and together 23/24 years. I am almost 47 Y/o. I am the higher earner of the two of us though we both earn decently - My only gap in work being a year Mat break 15 years ago. No second child mainly cos he is very tight fisted with money , even mine. I have always compromised and led a simple life - no fancy holidays etc , no fancy eating out or splurges with shopping. My only 'extravagance' from his perspective is I wanted our son to go a fee paying school and he does. Both our mortgage and DS school fees as well council tax, utilities, both phones go from my account that he also has a card to. His salary goes to another account that he saves , as he says, for 'our' retirement - he does afford himself little treats from there. He buys the groceries from there for us. He doesnt like eating out.

My mother has willed her house to me and is now almost 70. Last year she had rot and flooding in one part of the house and her situation was pitiable, staying at a friends house as the roof in one part of the house was horrific. She lives comfortably on a pension and some savings in the bank but didnt have enough to rebuild or even renovate parts of the house and it was ancient/crumbling. She thought about selling it to a small developer who would build it up as 2 units and then sell one and give her one unit. which I would get in future was her plan, it was H who said the developer seems very dodgy blah blah blah , finally long story short - I paid the money for the renovation and repairs which was under 50K (with him okaying it at the time) - now he says my mother should pay him 300 GBP every month for the 50K since he refused to free up any liquidity for me to have the 50k ( we have other assets we could have sold, and I had other plans for financing it myself) but he insisted at the time he pay the 50K from his severance pay he got last year (he got a new job immediately) - I told him I will give him the 300 GBP but he insists my mother pay it out of her monthly pension and savings. presumably my money is all his anyway and not he wants more. AIBU ?

Oh he sounds awful. Ditch him and move in with your DM?

What a bastard

Blimey. Does he have any redeeming qualities OP?
He sounds like a controlling knobber.

You are being financially abused. His control must be suffocating.

Why are you with this man?

You have the money and accommodation to easily life a happy life without him.

Your dh is a financial abuser and you'll get what you're legally entitled to if you divorce him. Half of all assets, pensions, savings and investments because you can show that you've been supporting him through your salary. In the meanwhile, he's been hoarding wealth and is now trying to financially abuse an elderly pensioner. This is the angle I'll be instructing a divorce solicitor to work with, this man has form for financially abusing vulnerable women.

OMG he’s awful. I would be telling him to do one. He can get the lump sum back when the house is eventually sold ( although secretly I would be hoping it has to be sold for her care so he gets nothing)

alternatively I would liquidate whatever it was you where going to do and give him the money back

then I would be looking to leave, he’s not a nice person

As a grown woman who must work in a professional capacity you just wrote all that out and didn't come to your own conclusion?

Seriously. Tell him to fuck off to the end of fuck and go on an all out holiday with your Mum.

Basically - what's yours in his, and what's his - is his.

You do understand that what he’s saving for ‘our retirement’ could end up being ‘his money’ when it comes to a divorce.

you really need to change your financial set up to each paying a share of expenses and each having retirement pots

He doesn't get to control you nor your mother op, he isn't your boss and if you don't put your foot down now he will continue to financially abuse yourself and your mother and eventually your child.

You married a complete bastard but you don't have to be married to him forever.

God you’ve stuck it out for long enough, get rid.

And what ops mothers is his and eventually what their child has is also his.

He’s a DICK.

Why you with him? This is financial abuse. Plan your exit here. Unless your financial history is complex eg self employed all family money should be put together. Why is he keeping his wage bar Abit of food. Exit plan from you. Tread carefully here op and plan your own financial future without him

So your money is his and his money is his? Now he wants your Mum's money?

Seriously? You really can't see what's wrong here?

https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/talk-money/financial-abuse-spotting-the-signs-and-leaving-safely

https://www.lawsociety.org.uk/topics/client-care/financial-abuse

Your DM aside, that’s a terrible financial set-up you have there. Why is he not sharing mortgage payments etc?
And if your DM gets poorly and has to go into care long-term, she’ll have to sell any property to help fund it. So no thinking for you in her Will.

So you pay all the mortgage, school fees, utilities, council tax and phones and all he pays is the groceries? Let me guess, the savings account is in his name only and you can't access it?

I agree with others, you're being financially abused. Is there anything positive you can say about this man?

Leave him before you inherit and he has a claim on your mum’s house.

Tell him he owes you more than 300 a month for his share of the mortgage, utilites and his mobile phone bill so he can shove it.

Ghastly man. Just divorce him and get half his precious savings. It's the only way you'll see any of it i can promise you.

How can he justify being bankrolled like that and yet demand even more???

Why the fuck are you with him? And why have you been paying for everything all these years! Utter madness

Absolutely this.

This is financial abuse. You’d be better off divorced.

The way you describe it, it does sound as though your dh is taking advantage of you financially. The way the finances have been run up to now could be down to him feeling insecure about money, but asking your mum to pay £300 a month feels wrong, especially without discussing it between all of you.