Before I begin, I’ll mention I’m ND and I really struggle with communicating and find it overwhelming having deep discussions as I can’t always process the words.
I have been with my partner for 4 years, we live together and we have a 1 year old.
We discussed early on that we wanted to get married asap and have a baby, due to us being in our 40s we chose to have a baby first before it was too late. Which was lucky because my menopause has since arrived.
He would talk about rings and how the wedding would look and that he couldn’t wait for me to be his wife. When baby was born he stopped talking about marriage. I forgot about it as I was so focused on my baby so I didn’t let it bother me.
Over time the realisation that he doesn’t want to marry me has crept in and I feel pretty low. I found this out when discussing a bill and the subject came up about needing to be married to do XYZ legally, and he said it didn’t matter as it would go in his will that I am entitled to do so. This flagged up as obvious he wouldn’t be marrying me.
He had an old friend visit to meet the baby and he asked my partner why he hadn’t proposed yet. My partner stayed silent and ignored the question.
We now have a ‘surprise’ wedding to go to in August and I know the guests will be asking why we’re not engaged yet or telling me I’ll be next and to catch the bouquet. The thought of that makes me feel completely rubbish knowing I’ll never experience a wedding or being a wife or sharing my child’s surname. I don’t even want to go to the wedding as I know I’ll feel sad for myself whilst happy for the couple.
I know weddings should come before babies but I’m so glad I had my baby first or I may have never experienced being a mother which is more important to me.
I just feel like I’ve wasted my time with the wrong person if he’s realised he doesn’t actually love me or want to marry me. It’s really embarrassing whenever relatives raise the subject and he doesn’t respond. He knows how I feel so it hurts more than he doesn’t consider my feelings. I think I’m beginning to resent him and I’m not sure if I can fully love someone who doesn’t want a marriage and for us to be a family.
How do I discuss this with him? I’m no good with words or confronting anyone. I know I’ll break down in tears and I don’t want a sympathy proposal, I’d say no. I’m not sure if I even want one anymore after the recent comments and actions.
Did anyone else go through this and did you stay with him or leave if he didn’t propose? Can you give up on the dream of a marriage and still stay together?
Thanks for reading