Selfish husband

[deb45]

I need advice as I don’t have close friends/family to talk to about my sad situation.
My husband (I’ve been with him 9 years, no children) stays over at mine two or three nights a week. The rest of the time he lives with his mum as it’s free.
He’s never contributed towards bills/food and everything (tenancy/council tax etc) is in my sole name. I hate talking about money - but what's fair? He doesn’t want to work or claim benefits (doesn’t like the job centre nagging him) but won’t tell me how he gets money to live day to day. I understand he doesn’t have a lot but I work full time (am a cleaner/carer so don’t earn much) and am fed up with him assuming I’ll pay for everything. The only thing he brings me each week is his dirty washing. We don’t go out anymore as he won’t pay for anything but he goes out to a pub or two every day when he’s not with me.

I asked him last week how he manages on no income and he became nasty and aggressive and said it was none of my business. Anytime I bring up anything ‘negative’ he reacts like this but I’m so sad at just being used every week. He says he loves me and is ‘grateful’ all the time for what I do but I still feel crap.

Not claiming UC allegedly and no job but has money, crime perhaps?
He's taking the piss out of op and his own mum.
Must be ace coasting through life paying bugger all.

This!

You can't change the past, but be proud of yourself for recognising what you want and move forward (without him)

OP practically he's your husband in name only. Did you and he make any vows when you got married? How many of them has he kept? (I'm guessing a number less than one.)

Please get the divorce underway as soon as you can. You will be better off but more importantly you can start to live a life that's just for you.

Hard to understand why when you got married it fell to you to support him financially - maybe he spun lies about intending to seek work etc & you wanted to believe in him etc but in essence he always was first & foremost a cocklodger & mummy’s boy. Maybe he has long term MH or health problems & you thought/hoped you could fix him?

Don’t beat yourself up for the mistakes you may have made - you aren’t the first woman to have fallen for a man’s BS & give yourself a pat on the back for recognising now that he’s a waste of space, selfish & completely undeserving of you. If he contributes nothing financially, & expected you to support, clothe & feed him, I doubt he was/is especially supportive to you in other ways eg with the emotional/domestic load?

Start to put yourself first & use the replies from this thread to kick him to the kerb. He’s not adding anything to your life or contributing & you do (even though you may not believe it) deserve better. Better may not be even another man - but peace of mind & freedom from a user is worth its weight in gold. And you are deserving of that.

He is not your husband in the true sense that you share a loving relationship and a life together. If he’s telling you his finances are none of your business then that’s your answer - he doesn’t contribute, he doesn’t respect you, or your ‘marriage’ so what is the point of him?

Other people will be able to advise but you can probably get a very cheap no fault divorce where you just sign a form…. Get him gone and move on with your life. You deserve better.

You will lose nothing by divorcing him and gain self-respect and some money so go for it.

Wait a minute folks.
Op have you done this thread a few mouths ago.
Its very very very similar very much a match.

This is a very weird so-called marriage op. Luckily it sounds like he’s easy to get rid of given you rent, he’s not on the tenancy etc. Just do it and divorce him. He’s adding nothing positive to your life, you’ll be happier. And maybe take some reflection time on what got you into this in the first place?

Hes not really your husband is he? Weird idea of marriage.

Why would his mum even want him living with her when he is marrird? Is he from a different culture?

Glad you’ve realised he adds nothing to your life except misery.

you have two choices…

1. carry on living like this for the rest of your/his life
2. end it and be happy

No he's British and no idea why she puts up with a grown man living with her and doing nothing

Kick him out today and worry about the divorce another day. He sounds like a completely worthless piece of shit.

Does she have a choice? He sounds like a nasty bully and I can imagine if his mother tried raising the issue he would turn nasty on her, so she says nothing and keeps the peace.

Could crime be involved?

We lived together until about four years ago when I chucked him out for his selfish behaviour. Within a week he was promising me the world. He got a job, started taking me out and it felt SO wonderful but of course it didn't last. He was sacked (often gets sacked if he does start a job) and back to square one. Rather than feeling hurt from him having his life away from me I'm trying increasingly to distance myself from him, to appear not to care what he does anymore which does help me mentally but then I open the wound when he comes back over with his washing....

This is such a terrible arrangement for you op.
You don't have to think too hard about divorcing him.

Pp on here will have much more practical advice on divorce but you can also contact womens aid or citizen's advice to get rid of him out of your life.

Um. Same reason you do. Except actually, she’s his mum so possibly bears some responsibility, whereas you do not.

Do you have any idea why YOU are putting up with it then?

Yes I've messages on here before about him

Are you also British OP?

Yes I'm British too

You’re not his wife you’re his other mother. Don’t prolong the inevitable and get rid of him as soon as you can.

What, exactly, does HE bring to this ‘marriage?!! Let his mother do his washing!!

No kids, no property, no assets. Should be a relatively simple divorce. Text him it's over. Don't let him in again. He can shove his washing where the sun doesn't shine. In the nicest possible way @deb45 get a grip & get rid. You can do better than this selfish condescending leech.