Could you forgive your partner / spouse if they called you

[sunshineandroses25]

A fat cunt.. during an argument?

I’ve been dating a man for 3 months, not exclusive yet but very strong feelings and we were definitely heading in that direction. We had a bit of a tiff last night, things got heated and he called me a fat cunt and blocked me.

He messaged me today and apologised profusely, said he didn’t mean it.

I’m not sure if I can get past it though. He knows I’m insecure about my weight, we’ve talked about it a few times. I’ve dated men in the past who treated me like shit and always put me down because of my weight. He knows all of this. I just feel like it was such a low blow and I would never comment on his looks (he has insecurities too). It’s also made me think is that what he really thinks of me…

If said once during an argument in an otherwise good and loving relationship with no other red flags, and then massive apologies and it was never repeated, I would say it could be forgiven. But in a 3 month relationship? No, he is just starting to show his true colours.
And I thought bouncing was a good sign?!

Aww that's rotten, what an idiot he is, everyone deserves better than that. The heartfelt apology the next day seems to be the calling card of every despicable POS abusive man. Cut him out of your life, no one needs that kind of nastiness. Me and my lovely partner have been together since 1999, I'm a man BTW, not sure why I always feel the need to say that when I'm on Mumsnet. Anyway in the 26 years we've been together, despite us both being a bit hard to live with at times, neither of us have ever said anything that needed to be apologised for the next day. Here, have this, it's a photo of our cat having a kip, help cheer you up.

No, no, no!! You’re supposedly still in the ‘honeymoon period’! Whether he meant it or not, it’ll only get worse. Run and don’t look back - it’ll save a lot of heartache down the line.

No, never. Especially not after a few months! This will escalate. Dump now.

Do not see this man ever again.
Ever.
The fact he could even THINK about calling you this tells you everything you need to know know about him
He is not a gentleman and he is NOT your friend
My ex husband called me a cunt more than once.
Hence he's my ex
Do yourself a favour, dump him and never look back.

You're well rid, OP!

He MESSAGED you ?
So not only is he an abusive twat but he's also a coward. If he'd been a real man he'd have been on your doorstep with armfuls of flowers and taking you out to dinner.
Not good enough.
Show him the red card and find yourself a real man.
.

Absolutely no forgiving that. Run!

The reddest of red flags. You should run a mile

I am so glad that you’ve blocked him. You’ve done really well, especially if you are insecure. Some Men will seek out Women who are insecure and then rest their boundaries to wed how much abuse they can get away with.

It sounds as though this is what’s going on with him.

I hope he stays blocked. Have a think about what you want from a relationship abd what you’re willing to put up with.

Me and my DH have been together for 26 years and the worst insult we ever exchange is probably “idiot”. Most people leave name calling well behind them once they get past around 7.

Also plan something that will make you feel better this week, meet a friend, go for a walk, read a book or watch a film you’ve been wanting to see, do something just for you

Well done OP, any type of name calling is a major red flag. It just shows a complete lack of respect for you, plus emotional immaturity and intelligence.

Most couples will argue and disagree, but manage to do so without insulting the other person. I’ve been married to my DH for nearly 19 years and can honestly say neither of us has ever resorted to name calling

Please tell him his behaviour is not acceptable and block him. He will not make you happy.

Be careful. Narcissistic types always “ test” their partner around the 2-3 month mark. An otherwise perfect partner will suddenly do something shocking then apologise. It’s a test. If you take them back and go back to normal, they know they are on to a good “breakable” person. If you kick them out or resist strongly, they move on and find someone else to torture long term.

Every single narc/psychopath’s survivor I’ve ever spoken to (and I did a documentary on this with a psychiatrist) all remember vividly the first shocking thing that happened and it was almost cookie cutter.
if you don’t believe me, ask his ex.
if he has already told you his ex is mad, bad or some other reason never to speak to her, run.

You don't deserve that! You deserve better. How dare he! He doesn't deserve you.

Been there, and it only gets worse. Dump him now, he’s shown you that he’s not a nice person. Nobody accidentally calls you a horrible name like that. He’s testing to see what he can get away with.

That's awful! You deserve better than this.

OP when someone shows you who they are believe them. Don't let someone tell you twice that they do not respect you. These sayings are true IMO.

You can absolutely forgive him but that does not mean you need to continue any sort of relationship or contact him. It could simply be a " thank you for the apology this is appreciated however I don't wish to take our relationship further on any level, this is not what I want for myself, all the best".

Totally disrespectful and ignorant.
We can all get a bit heated in an argument, but that's a low blow when he knows how you feel about your weight.
I'm a great believer in you must have thought it, to say it. And to block you too?
He sounds very childish with a spiteful streak.
There's good men out there. I had some idiots before I found one.
Just remember that you must put your own happiness and emotional strength before anyone else's. We are only here once, love yourself and do not settle for second best or someone that doesn't respect you or value your worth.
Lots of love ❤️

@DwarfBeans This! He went straight for the jugular. His mask has slipped

No not that. Cunt yes but fat no. I'm overweight and me and my husband have just gone through an awful period where he's called me all sort of horrible things but not that. If this guy has said it once he will carry on saying it. No! deal breaker as far as I'm concerned. So you can say to him this relationship is over because as you say I might be fat but you are in fact a cunt.... And there no diet for that!!!!

Mine started to call me that and similar after nearly 15 years together and I still showed him the door - yuck! Get rid.

Absolutely not. Not after any amount of time. I’ve been with my husband 36 years, married for almost 30 and we’ve had some HUGE arguments but he has never called me any names or been spiteful even at his angriest.
This man is showing himself to you. You deserve better.

I'm afraid you heard what he really thought of you when he let go as part of the argument. Fuck that, walk on by OP.

Maybe the best post ever to hit this forum. Definitely get rid.

Beautiful photo, is that where the expression "laid back " originated.😁😸

Absolutely not, bin him.